The famous blogger and mother of three “complex” children, Jordan Harrell, shares with his readers a touching story that helps to look at children's crying from a different angle. She is convinced that crying is the only way children can communicate with adults. The most important thing is to react to it correctly.
Here's what Jordan Harrell tells other moms:
First, colic, then teething, then allergic reactions. All day and night my child burst into tears. I understood that a little more - and I would have to drink sedatives, I felt that I was going crazy. It seemed to me that I could no longer endure sobs, and I begged my baby to shut up for at least a minute.
READ ALSO: how to understand the reasons for crying a newborn baby
Sometimes, when my nerves could not stand it at all, I roared in unison with my child, and it was not clear who was the first to get tired. I was sure that I was the worst mother in the world, because all three of my children in infancy behaved the same way.
Everything changed in an instant when I remembered the story of my own mother.
When my brother Justin was born, my mother was still very young. He was also a “difficult” child, constantly acting up and did not let his mother go a step away from him. It was very difficult to calm him down and put him to bed.
It’s familiar, isn't it?
Justin Sunday morning, during the church service, Justin had another tantrum. Mom had to go out to reassure him. In the courtyard of the church, she met a woman in whose arms a baby was sleeping peacefully, about the same age as Justin. And then my mother asked the woman what her secret was, why her child was so calm.
The woman smiled sadly and said that she was not the mother of the boy. Before she adopted him, the baby cried continuously for several months. But no one paid attention to his crying, and in the end he fell silent. He cried for too long, and now almost never cries.
"What is your secret? Why is he so calm? ”My mother asked.
“This is not my own son, I am his adoptive mother. He spent the first few months of his life crying without stopping, and his crying always remained unanswered. He cried for too long, and then he stopped and now almost never cries. "
After this story, something has changed in me. No matter how hard it was for me, no matter how many sleepless nights I would not sit near the crib, I remembered the words of this woman and reminded myself: your baby’s cry is good. This means that my son believes me, he calls me and knows that I will definitely come.
Moms of “difficult” children, be grateful to them for crying.
They don’t cry because you are a bad mom.
They cry because you're good
Be that as it may, but the crying of the child must be reacted correctly. A rude reaction of parents to tears can reduce the baby’s self-esteem, or cause a feeling of shame that he could not cope - cried. And to suppress negative emotions in oneself is harmful to a growing body. For a healthy psyche, the support and contact of adults is very necessary. May our children grow up healthy and kind.
Oh, if I had caught this article about 4 years ago, a lot would have been different) I always somehow intuitively shared this point of view on children's crying, but in our society this is not accepted. Therefore, it took me about a year to understand and formulate everything on my own for myself.
Well, of course, when a child cries, then not only the heart of the mother is drenched in blood, but the father also experiences similar things, only more restrained. Yes, and crying is different, if it is associated with any illness, then of course you need to quickly identify and relieve the baby from pain. But in general it is better to always see children as cheerful and healthy.
Some kind of nonsense written!
The baby is crying, approached reassured, of course it is not necessary on each Plak to rush like mad.
If the baby is crying, find the reason, if nothing hurts and does not bother, the baby will not cry, he will play!
A good mom is a calm mom!
And I think that complete nonsense! How can it be that a child cries just like that ?? This is either a malaise (colic, etc.), or parental indifference feels. A healthy and happy child certainly will not cry in vain.
I think that it is better for such mothers not to amuse themselves, but to understand the reasons for children's crying. It will be more useful
How interesting! It’s true! I felt it on myself from and to. My reaction to my daughter’s crying, when she was very many, was exactly the same as that of the heroine of the story, but something in me snapped in time and I said to myself “Stop!”. Now I clearly understand when my daughter manipulates me with crying, but when she is really sick and painful, then I always stay awake and sleep at night.
and yet, do not flatter yourself! in a good mother, the child does not cry constantly! of course, he cries when he is hungry, cold, and simply abandoned by sorrow mother ... a child should not cry, why? an adult and an adult in order to organize the life, mode, life of the child so that he had no reason to cry. Here are some tips: wrap the baby in a diaper, yes, yes, just wrap it, shake it, sing a song, put it on a soft and warm bed, not hard and cold, but rather in a stroller, and roll it if it does not sleep. Do not go away for a few days, if necessary - a week, he should see you as soon as he opens his eyes, turn on the music quietly, the sounds of the forest are better, let it be in the room always. I swear, the nature of the crumbs will change for the better. Well, everything has already been written about food, bathing, walking.