Your son got married, what a blessing! Mendelssohn’s wedding march ceased, the young returned from their honeymoon, and family life began. How to build a relationship with a daughter-in-law? This question is facing every mother-in-law. Why do some manage to become a close person to the son’s young wife, while others from the first days feel her dislike? Let's try to formulate the six main mistakes of mother-in-law and give advice on normalizing relations.
Endless calls
Having received the daughter-in-law's mobile phone number, the mother-in-law hurries to take the opportunity to give more directions: “What did you cook for him for breakfast? How long did you cook the egg? Do you remember that he is wearing a dark shirt that I gave for my birthday? ” These and other endless phone calls can also lead the most calm woman out of patience, not to mention the emotional ones.
Tip: no matter how you would like to once again give a valuable indication by phone, restrain yourself. If you really want to know how things are going, call and talk in the evening.
Control of every step
Some mother-in-law do not understand that their desire to give advice, help in everyday life sometimes transcends the boundaries of the rational and becomes an obsessive control of every step of the young wife. "What are you doing now? Cooking borscht? Do not forget to fry vegetables! ” “Now what are you doing?” Do you hang your underwear? Do you remember that things need to be straightened out well on a rope? ” All these tips are given from the bottom of my heart, not with the aim of offending, but they can also annoy the daughter-in-law. And then she will perceive all your recommendations with hostility, wanting to do the opposite.
Tip: Do not impose your experience until you are asked about it. If the daughter-in-law asks how to put dough or bleach collars, kindly share your tips with her.
Jealousy for beloved son
Jealousy is a complex feeling, it is based on great love for a loved one. But jealousy is also an indicator of egoism when you consider that the object of love belongs only to you. Very often mothers give all their love to their son, and when another woman appears in his life, they feel their rival in her. He imagines that she can offend your “boy”, give him not enough attention and warmth. You communicate normally, but a young woman feels your dislike of her, in turn, experiencing negative feelings for you.
Tip: try to convince yourself that marriage has benefited your son, that he is happy with this woman, that the atmosphere of love and harmony reigns in his house.
Only negative perception
Not a single person likes to be criticized, when only mistakes are caught in his actions. Watching the first steps of the young housewife, the mother-in-law often grumbles, showing with her whole appearance that everything is being done wrong. “You have no borscht, but a daub! Who washes windows! Continuous stripes remained! ” - heard from the lips of the grumpy mom of her husband. As a result, the daughter-in-law begins to be afraid of the mother-in-law's visit, having already adjusted herself in advance to the fact that she will not hear anything good about her.
Tip: rearrange your perception. Try not to see the flaws, but the virtues, often praise the daughter-in-law, rejoice at her achievements. And if she doesn’t succeed, sympathize with her or translate everything into a good joke.
The desire to allow grandchildren everything
With the presence of a daughter-in-law in her life, the mother-in-law resigns herself to the appearance of her grandchildren. Communication with them is real joy. Inviting grandchildren to visit, grandmother allows them to do everything, is ready to fulfill any whim, violates the strict regime of the day. Children adore grandmother, and when they return from guests home, they become uncontrollable.
Tip: Do not get out of the system of parenting adopted in the house of the daughter-in-law. Grandchildren need to be pleased, give them gifts, eat tasty, but you can’t let them all, follow their wishes, otherwise they will start to twist the rope from adults.
Call me simple - mom
For a long time in families it was customary to call the mother-in-law a mother. But there is some hypocrisy in this: the mother-in-law is not my mother, and my daughter-in-law is not my own daughter. You do not need to be offended by your son’s wife if she is not completely frank with you, restrained on emotions, especially at the beginning of family life.
Tip: Do not impose your love on your daughter-in-law, she herself will eventually become convinced of the sincerity of your feelings. Do not wait and do not demand kindred feelings from her, they will appear only with time.
Try to avoid mistakes in relations with your daughter-in-law, accept our advice, and then you will be happy to hear: “I have the best mother-in-law!”
