Some children's questions are literally perplexing. Not being prepared, some parents translate the topic or call the questions of their children stupid, thereby offending them. How to learn to answer awkward questions of a son or daughter and thereby strengthen their confidence in themselves?
Well-known psychologist Wayne Fleasing warns parents - do not shy away from answering a child's question if it turned out to be unexpected for you. It’s better to tell the children that you will definitely give an answer, only you need to think first.
Go-ahead and empty excuses for parents - who did not encounter this in childhood? Ignoring children's questions causes a feeling of resentment and disappointment, as in little why (see article - age of why), and in adolescents. So that your children are not upset, try to answer their question. Here are just a few ideas on how to do this.
Why are you leaving for work?
It is difficult for children to explain how important a career is for a person; they don’t understand the topic of financial well-being. The child just wants to be with his parents more often. Instead of long stories that at work they pay money for which you make purchases - food, clothes, toys, pay for all sorts of services, just pay a little attention to your child. Play with him, do some crafts together or take a walk.
So that children do not have a negative attitude to work, never tell him that you do not like your work and do not want to go there. On the contrary, talk about your activities in a positive way. Let him know - even while at work, you think about him, get bored and wait for the time to meet your child. Let him know that his photograph is on your desk, and you often look at it.
To the incidental question of why other parents do not go to work all day, explain that it is customary for different families to act differently, each one decides whether to work or not.
Why do not I have this toy, but everyone has it?
The spirit of competition often awakens the desire of children to have what their friends have, for example, an interactive toy or a new mobile one. Adolescence in this regard is particularly difficult, because children do not want to be a "black sheep", being different from others. It is important to understand that words about existing toys or things will not take effect, children simply will not hear them.
Try to pick up another key - first tell the child that you understand his feelings, you share them. This will help prepare a fertile ground for further conversation. Next, say that you were just going to give the desired thing to him for his upcoming birthday.
When a teenager asks this question, offer him a solution to the problem, allowing you to independently accumulate the necessary amount for the purchase. By doing so, you will teach him to value money, thereby preparing him for adulthood. If the conversation did not bring results - the child continues to insist on his own, just close this topic.
Mom, are we rich?
Young children do not understand the true meaning of the word "wealth", they can only compare themselves and their family with others. Having heard how one of the friends is bragging to everyone about buying his father - a new car or home, the child can draw conclusions about the material well-being of his parents. Having learned about troubles at work with his father or mother, the baby may misinterpret the information and be afraid that you will have nothing to eat or nowhere to live.
Did you understand the question of your son or daughter correctly? What lies behind him - simple curiosity or fear? Ask your child what they mean by wealth. Perhaps for him to be rich means to be able to buy whatever he wants.
If your family really needs money, children need to be honest about it. It is worth explaining that at the moment you have to live on a modest amount and manage your funds wisely, buying only what is needed. At the same time, let the baby know - regardless of the circumstances, you will always take care of his needs.
Why do other children ignore me?
If the baby asks about this, it means that he still feels lonely in his surroundings - at school or in the garden. You should not brush aside his words, calling them stupidities - a real problem may be hidden behind them. Try to find out if no one is friends with the child, or just that day someone did not play with him.
Tell your son or daughter that this sometimes happens to everyone, and resentment and anger are common to everyone. Explain that friends will certainly appear, this is only a matter of time. Teach children from a young age to control emotions and find a common language with their peers so that in the future they become successful people. A conversation with the teacher will not be superfluous - ask how your child communicates with children in the classroom or in a group.
Will a catastrophe happen to us?
The media is literally full of reports of disasters occurring everywhere - floods, terrorist attacks, earthquakes. Children take this information to heart, trying it on themselves. To protect them from unnecessary worries, limit the viewing of news channels in the presence of small viewers and do not discuss the tragedy with them.
Listen to your son or daughter, let them share their fears with you, then calm down, saying that nothing like this will happen to your family. If you are still likely to survive the disaster, do not lie to the baby, but assure yourself of your protection. Mention all kinds of rescue services, the work of doctors and the police, who are always ready to help people in distress.
Is our grandmother dying?
If a close relative is seriously ill in the family, it makes no sense to hide their own feelings from the children. If you constantly avoid this topic, the baby may feel guilty. It is best to sit down and talk with him about the disease, to clarify the causes of the disease, as well as the possible consequences.
Tell the child that the doctors are trying to help, do everything in their power, but some diseases cannot be treated. Kids are very afraid of losing their relatives, especially their mother. To reassure them, it is enough to assure that the parents are healthy and will stay with them for a long time.
Mom and Dad, are you getting a divorce?
If the parents quarrel, it is likely that the child will misinterpret their behavior - they will think about their separation and divorce. This is a real trauma for both kids and adolescents, because father-mother relationships are a role model for them. That is why it is important to show respect for each other even during periods of disagreement.
Explain that you do not plan to get divorced or live separately, and if this is not so, tell the children the truth.The main thing for children is to be confident in parental love and care and that they will not be abandoned.
Having once dismissed the awkward question because of the unpreparedness for it, be sure to start this conversation later. Gently and calmly explain to your child what he asked. By doing so, you show your interest and concern.
We also read:
- Top 10 children's questions that perplex parents (and how to answer them). Part 1
- 11 tricky children's questions and how to answer them
- The child found you in the bedroom for an "interesting occupation." What to do and how to find the right words?
- Age of “Why” or 100 thousand “Why ..? And why..?"
- How to explain to the child where the children come from
- Video: How to answer children's questions about sex, death, smoking and drugs
