Top 10 children's questions that perplex parents (and how to answer them). Part 1

All children, starting from the age of 2-3 years, become zealous "cougars." This is an indicator of the normal development of the child as a person, he learns the world every day and not only accepts it as it is, but is interested in every little thing and wants to know more about everything.

Parents, of course, should encourage the curiosity of the baby, do not dismiss and ignore issues. And their crumbs set an unmeasured amount. From the simplest “where did the ice come from,” “what does a crocodile eat”, funny “why doesn’t the eyes of the kolobok get dirty because he rolls on the ground”, “mothers, who sat with me at home while you were little”, to those which are difficult to answer right away “why the sky is blue”, “and what is higher than the clouds”, “why the water does not burn.”

You will find answers to the most difficult questions online, paraphrase, but what about those “uncomfortable” ones that you know answers to, but only the child has this knowledge, not yet by age, or you are afraid to affect the baby badly with your answer.

Consider the most popular "uncomfortable" questions and see how to answer them crumbs.

1. Where do the children come from?

Perhaps the most difficult question for parents. Usually, dads and mothers are hanging out, giggling, reproaching, saying that it’s too early for the baby to think about such issues. If at least for a second you made it clear to your child that you hesitated, what good, were embarrassed, believe me, this topic will not let him go for a long time. And he’d better know your version than the answer to the burning question older children will tell him.

Saying that children are born in cabbage, or they are thrown by a feathered stork, is a bit outdated. You do not have to fool your head. The truth can be easily explained: “Dad put a little seed in his mother’s stomach. Then the seed met the egg. Starting with this egg, a small creature began to develop. And after 9 months the baby came out of the stomach. ”

Another option - you can say: “In order for children to appear, a man and a woman must fall in love and get married, then a tiny baby appears in my mother’s stomach, just like a worm, it grows like you do now, and then when it’s completely out of place He is born. " Usually, crumbs are satisfied with such an answer, and if he is not interested in the details, then you do not go into them.An older child may be interested in how a child got into his mother’s stomach at all, then you can say that “mom and dad have special cells, when they meet, then a tiny baby is obtained from them”, when asked how they meet, you can offer a version of the kiss and hugs.

Usually, schoolchildren already know everything themselves, television, the Internet, communication are bearing fruit, but if a conscious child has already asked you for explanations, you will have to tell everything in essence. You are uncomfortable and ashamed, buy a good book, age-appropriate, where everything is correctly described.

We also read: How to explain to the child where the children come from

2. Why do you say that I am beautiful, but classmates don’t think so? Why can I not like you?

A child living in a family filled with love and affection, encountering in a kindergarten or school hostile children may wonder why he is considered ugly or stupid. This question is especially asked by children aged 11-13, in adolescence, when they begin to take a very critical approach to themselves and their appearance, it is at this age that intolerance towards others is generated to a greater extent, aggression appears among children.

You can’t say that the child simply did not pay attention to such children, first you need to talk about the subjectivity of people's perception, then show your attitude, compare with yourself and your own problems at this age.

For example: “Everyone has different ideas about beauty and abilities, someone likes thin, someone full. It's like movies or books, some like adventures, others like comedies, this does not mean that comedies are better, or vice versa, just everyone has different sympathies. I really like you, what big blue eyes and charming smile you have. If I were a girl of your age, I would really like you. There are definitely those who consider you very pretty and smart. I was also teased a long time before, but nothing, my dad loved me, and I have many friends. If all people liked the same thing in appearance, then we would long ago become absolutely identical or become extinct. ”

If a teenager really has problems with appearance, do not stop at just one conversation, help him correct the situation. For example, sign up for a gym together or pick up new stylish clothes, change glasses to lenses, in general, eliminate the reason why your child cannot join the peer society.

At the same time, remember that adolescents can be aggressive not only to those who look “wrong”, but also to those who are too beautiful, smart, sociable or withdrawn, that is, absolutely to any people. Sometimes you can solve the problem only by changing the environment of the child.

3. Who do you love more, sister / brother or me?

When to wait for a similar question? - Up to 7 years old, most often shortly after the appearance of the youngest child in the family. This question arises with the eternal rivalry of sisters and brothers, arising from the soil. jealousy of parents. It is important for you to make it clear to the child that your love for them is unlimited, and despite the fact that they are so different, you love them equally. Do you love mom and dad equally? So we love our children the same way. Say that your love is enough for everyone, and for them, and for other relatives.

Never manipulate a child while trying to bargain with him in return for words of love. The phrase "I love your sister more, because she is an excellent student" will not cause a desire to learn, but only jealousy and quarrels.

4. Why am I - it's me?

Asking the question why he was born just like that, with such an appearance, such abilities, the child begins to become aware of himself as a person who is different from others, shows personality. Usually this question begins to concern the child from about 4 years old, but there are exceptions.

You can explain the situation as follows: “Any person combines what he was born with and what he learned, what he has become.From birth, we get the appearance inherited from parents, gender, health, and then habits, taste, skills, likes and dislikes gradually appear, all that you can do. Out of all this, a personality is formed. We are all born each in our family, in a certain city, country, people and events influence us, that's why we become what we are. There are no identical people, there are similar, but not the same. ”

5. Why did you give birth to me?

Usually a child asks such a question at the age of 3 to 5 years, and then at a transitional age when he lacks your attention, care and approval or tries to mitigate the punishment. Even a baby can thus manipulate you, from the category of "why did you give birth to me if you can not take me to the sea."

Your move: “We love each other very much, therefore we have started a family, there are always children in a complete family, they are like the fruit of the love and tenderness of parents. We really wanted to have our sequel, an intelligent, beautiful child, and therefore we gave birth to just such you. ” Let your child know how special he is, how you wanted and expected him.

Since this question almost always arises when a child wants to receive an additional portion of attention and care, it is worthwhile to tell him as much as possible about how you love him, listing his positive qualities and praise. If the child is simply manipulating you and he needs some kind of material “confirmation” of your words, then there is no need to spray on conversations, explain your decision about the controversial moment and do not follow the crumbs.

We also read:Little manipulators: how to respond to the tricks of the child? 10 most successful childhood phrases

6. Will I die?

Kids can ask such a question as early as 3-4 years old, of course, they still do not fully understand the meaning of the extremities of everything that exists, children will learn it much later, at this stage they are interested in why someone or something ceases to exist, to be near. A similar question may arise when the baby suddenly faces the death of a loved one, or his own pet.

Answering such a sensitive question, one should not go into explaining the inevitable demise of all living beings, describe how they die, how they feel, etc. Speak more streamlined: “All animals, people, even plants, have their own life span. And you also have your own term. But first you will live a very long happy life, you will go to kindergarten, school, go to college, you will also have your own family someday, you will have children, you will have a good job, you will travel a lot and discover new things. To live a good and long life you need to take care of yourself and your health, remember safety, strive for the best and remember safety. ”

Try to answer in an exhaustive way so that the child does not get stuck on this topic. If you belong to any religion, adopt its dogmas. If you are an atheist, do not rush to “delight” the three-year-old with the physiological details of death, dispense with general phrases. If the child is still very small, then come up with some things that explain where the dead people and animals then disappear. Do not be afraid to say that grandmother is now looking at us from the sky, and the dead cat just ran away to the groom-cat.

If the child is more than 6 years old, pay attention to the fact that the afterlife does not exist, at least in the form that they like to show in modern horror films about vampires, zombies and ghosts.

7. Why don't I have as many toys as my friend?

And if there was such a thing with your child, he came from a friend and says, Sasha has so many toys, and I don’t have such a fifth car as he has.

This is actually a very good topic for discussion. After all, these are the basics of financial literacy and the correct distribution of funds. In this case, you need to explain to the child how the money is distributed in the family and how much is allocated for toys and entertainment.

Explaining the basics of first financial literacy is very important.The child should tell how the money is earned, that for this, mom and dad go to work and perform many tasks there.

Explain that everything that appears in your house and food, and clothing, and toys, including even light, gas, water, cost money, so you can not spend it thoughtlessly. “You have so many cars, will you be happier if there are more of them, maybe it would be better to spend money on going to the circus?” If we spend all the money on toys, what will our whole family live on. ”

Offer your child an alternative, if you want to buy something, earn. Give him some homework and “pay” the agreed amount. Let the child try to accumulate a certain amount, and then he will not want to spend this money on a 5 car, because they got it with difficulty.

We also read: 12 rules for issuing pocket money to children (personal experience). Plus video expert advice

8. How are boys different from girls?

This question most often implies that the baby has already seen differences in the male and female genital organs. For example, in kindergarten, where the toilet is often shared. Therefore, external signs such as skirts and trousers, caps and bows can not do.

For a small child, it is enough to say that it is so conceived by nature, this is what distinguishes boys from girls, because if their genitals were the same, how apart from clothes they could be distinguished. For an older kid, you can clarify that such a structure is necessary so that later, when boys and girls grow up, they can become a mom and dad.

9. Why do you swear with dad, you do not love each other?

Quarrels with a child are, of course, not necessary, but if this happens, do everything so that the baby does not doubt the strength of your union.

Say: “Each person has his own opinion, but you also sometimes act up and make demands. So it is with us, sometimes we do not agree and argue, and then we come to a general conclusion, and again everything becomes good. Of course, we love each other, we are a family. ”

We also read: Parental Quarrels and Family Scandals: Impact on the Child

10. Is there really Santa Claus?

Before you honestly answer the question of the crumbs, think about whether you want to deprive the baby of a fairy tale. If a child saw how on the eve of the holiday you yourself are hiding gifts, but do not want to kill faith in Santa Claus, say that he was in a hurry, so he gave you a gift and asked to put it under the Christmas tree. If the child is already older and he himself began to guess everything, you can tell me that the good wizard lives in our hearts, that people dress up specially for him to make the holiday truly fabulous.

Memo to parents: how to answer uncomfortable questions

Despite the fact that the questions can be very different, there are several general rules that will allow you not to shade when the child asks his difficult questions:

• Do not dismiss the child and do not send it to other relatives, even if you don’t like the question or it doesn’t seem serious, you are the main source of knowledge, even if it’s better to scrutinize the issues with you, than he will think up something for himself or hear unrealistic versions of peers;
• Do not call the questions indecent, wrong, this will only foster the interest of the child;
• Do not be lazy to choose words that are clear to the child;
• Find out why he is interested in a particular topic, how did he learn about it;
• Do not tell more details than the baby needs at the moment;
• Do not show your embarrassment and awkwardness from the question;
• Explain as accessible as possible until the baby is satisfied with the answer. Do not stop talking until the child understands everything;
• Do not be fooled or contrived if you can safely do without it. Children feel this very well and next time they will go for answers to someone else;
• Talk while on the same level. To do this, put the child on your lap, or sit on the floor next to him;
• Talk in a relaxed atmosphere, preferably in private.

We also read:

• Awkward kids questions - how to answer?
• 11 tricky children's questions and how to answer them
• Video: How to answer children's questions about sex, death, smoking, and drugs
• Age of “Why” or 100 thousand “Why ..? And why..?"
• The child found you in the bedroom for an "interesting occupation." What to do and how to find the right words?

How to answer awkward questions of the child - All would be kind