Household chores are fully completed, and the child has long been sleeping in his crib. Mom and Dad, finally, can be alone and do their own "personal" business. But suddenly, at the crucial moment, completely unexpectedly, a baby appears on the threshold of the parental bedroom. "What are they doing?" - in his eyes read amazement and fear at the same time. At this moment, it is important to try to remain calm and not to draw his attention to the sight seen.
Say no to panic
This kind of scene usually causes an ambiguous reaction in children, bordering on curiosity and fear. "Caught" for an interesting occupation of their parents, it may seem to the baby that the mother is being hurt. Your perception may be aggravated by nervousness on your part, accompanied by screams or angry statements about his visit. If this happens, dad will forever remain in the eyes of the child a villain and mother’s tormentor. If the parents are embarrassed, fussy and nervous, the child can see this as confirmation of his fears, which can subsequently affect his intimate life
Remember, a scene of love between parents can cause irreparable trauma to the children's psyche. Sexual relations of parents should always be shrouded in mystery, be in the “restricted area”, and it is better to stay out of the sight and attention of the child. But if it so happened that the baby took you by surprise with his sudden appearance, you will have to convince him that there is nothing terrible in this.
If your child is completely tiny (up to 5 years), in a calm voice, ask him what happened and why he came. Perhaps he was just afraid of the dark? Or wanted to drink? Be sure to ask him if everything is in order. For questions about what you did, say that “Dad gave Mom a massage, hence the sounds and groans”, or“Mom and Dad just hugged because they love each other very much”. Add also that you love him, and hugging for loving people is quite natural.
It happens that children, waking up at night, are half asleep and are not fully aware of what is happening. In this case, put on your clothes and take them to your crib. Children subtly feel your emotional state, so if you do not worry, they will not attach any importance to what they see.
Child over 5 years old You can ask to go out for a while and wait for you outside the door (or in your crib). After he leaves your bedroom, get dressed and go to him. Without a trace of indignation, ask him what he wanted. When he explains why he came to you, tell him in an absolutely calm voice: “Honey, please, another time before entering, knock on the door”. If he is alarmed, reassure him that everything is in order. You can say: “There are times when mom and dad want to be together. When we hug, we don’t want anyone to see this. ”
It happens that the children saw more than what you suppose. Then they can behave somewhat cheekily to hide their awkwardness and ask you provocative questions: “And what did you do there?” In no case do not give in to your impulses and do not scold them.
In no case do not scream or scold the child. Be calm and don't show that something out of the ordinary happened!
At the age of 7-10, many children already know what's what. If the child became an accidental witness to the bed scene, he may not ask about anything, believing that this is a “shameful" topic. Therefore, it would be useful to talk about it first and show once again that you can talk about it with your parents, this topic is not bad and not forbidden. Just make sure that the child really saw something - sometimes frightened mothers, having a conversation, belatedly realize that the sleepy child did not notice anything.
Without many words
In any case, first find out what exactly the child saw. And it will turn out, as in one old famous joke.
The son comes to his father and says: “Dad, what is an abortion?” A flushed father is trying to explain to his son what it is. He begins to talk about the complexities of the structure of the world, about how animals reproduce, then he goes on to copulate people. The whole story is accompanied by the terms "intercourse", "conception", "fetus", "unwanted pregnancy" ... Having finished his long tirade, he finally looked at amazed son and asked: "Son, where did you hear that word?" What baby with wide eyes, with a sigh, he answers: “You see, papa, we learn a poem at school and there are such words there ...” But the waves groan, and cry, and splash. And the waves all beat ABOUT BOARD the ship ... ".
Therefore, do not rush to make excuses, it is better to wait and according to the reaction of the baby determine how to behave further - pretend that nothing happened or still explain to him about the features of the relationship between mom and dad.
Memo to parents
If you are still caught in the "same" occupation, there is reason to think about precautions. Even young children are difficult to experience such scenes of love, do not sleep well after that, are anxious and become nervous. According to psychologists, the majority of people (mainly girls) who have problems in their sexual lives, in childhood, became unwitting witnesses of the proximity of their parents. An image has forever formed in their head that it is very scary, vile and “painful”. As adults, they never manage to erase from their memory those negative aspects of their childhood perceptions.
This situation can be avoided. Here are some ways to protect children from psychological trauma:
- Always keep your bedroom door closed.. It is better to put a lock or install a valve on it. So you provide yourself with complete relaxation and stop being nervous that they may come to you.
- Teach your child to knock before, how to enter the room. You must show this with your own example. Knock when you want to enter his room. He will be pleased with this attitude - you are guaranteed mutual respect.
- If circumstances do not allow you to sleep in different rooms (small apartment, uncomfortable arrangement of rooms), make a screen or curtain separating your child’s beds from each other. Of course, in this case, you need to restrain yourself and not allow yourself loud sounds, groans and sudden movements.
- Be more inventive. It is not necessary to make love only in the bedroom, you can learn other places. So you will not only protect your baby from an “unpleasant” sight, but also diversify your sexual relationships.
Teach your child to show love in your family - in the morning, say hello, kiss and hug, and in the evening wish for good dreams. Stroke the baby on the head when praising him, do not skimp on affection. Spend more time together. In such a loving family, the child will definitely be happy. And then, even if something “forbidden” appears before his eyes, this will not adversely affect his psyche.
What to do if the child "caught" you in bed with your husband?
The moment when the child was caught during an intimacy is so awkward that many parents are at a loss about how to act - to distract, to forget, or to try to answer his uncomfortable questions? In this video, we’ll deal with experts - psychologist Victoria Lyuborevich-Torkhova, TV host of the Let's Talk About Sex project Julia Bortnik and star coach, father of two children Vyacheslav Uzelkov:
