How family scandals affect a child: what parents should do

Content

We are all human beings, we tend to show a wide variety of feelings, along with joy and happiness, calmness and euphoria, we can be angry, be unhappy, tired and irritable. In communication with each other, all our inner emotions manifest and gain life, one way or another, affecting another person. Quarrels in the family are most often inevitable, spouses differ in opinions and approaches to different things, complete agreement and mutual understanding is a rare phenomenon, therefore family conflicts become a painful issue. But the well-being of the family, harmony in it are inextricably linked with the emotional state of both parents and their children.

Parents often believe that because of their tender age, their child does not capture the meaning of quarrels and disagreements, and therefore allow themselves to clearly express negative emotions without thinking about the feelings of crumbs at that time.

How family scandals affect a child

But the child is very sensitive to all changes in your behavior, he absorbs intonation, voices, taking even the strained silence of his parents to his heart. What can we say about screams and even assault.

Psychologists argue that preschool age is the basis for the education of the person, the nature of the person, his attachments and passions. Having little experience in life at all, the baby is not able to understand the causes and consequences of family scandals, and, even without taking part in them, is mentally suffering.

Regular family conflicts inevitably lead to a number of negative consequences for the child.

Psychological Disorders

Behavioral factor. Quarrels of parents can provoke the development in a child of aggressive, hysterical behavior (some children become aggressive, angry, pugnacious, constantly provoke conflict situations among peers), and, conversely, isolation, alienation, uncertainty (other children become closed, closed, they try to communicate less and, often, try to close themselves from everyone). At first, the baby can beat and scream at the toys, and then transfer the behavior to everyday communication with people. A child can stop obeying parents, behave uncontrollably, as the authority of adults is undermined in the eyes of the baby. Such problems over time only exacerbate the mental health of the child and subsequently negatively affect the development of character in general.At an older age, it begins to develop into big problems.
Mental disorders. Constant nervousness, the expectation of a conflict situation, tension, the inability to take sides, makes the child more excitable, anxious, contributes to the development of neurosis and serious mental illness.
Life experience. It is a very painful task for the child to choose their conflicting parties that is right, given the love for both parents. Seeing how mom and dad, which for the crumbs are an indisputable example, quarrel and shout, the child begins to perceive such a manner of relations as the norm. He ceases to believe that friendly, tender relationships between people are possible. And later, in adulthood, he will begin to apply the gained experience in his own family, in relations with relatives and friends. As a witness to scandals, the child ceases to value the family as a reliable stronghold, and family values cease to be significant for him.
Values. Inevitably, the development and adoption of living standards and values for the baby suffers. It is difficult to foster love, tolerance, friendliness, mutual assistance in a child, when instead of their manifestations in the family, the child often sees the opposite qualities, feels hostility, hostility between relatives.
Gender relations. In conflicts between parents, the baby can choose the right one based on his own feelings and affections. So, if he communicates more with his mother, feels her closeness, then regardless of the rightness of the mother, he will highlight in a quarrel. Constantly seeing scandals and swearing, making one of the parents a victim in his own eyes, a child in his later life can negatively relate to women or men, becoming a woman hater or, conversely, hating men.

In young children, some scandals are so strongly laid down in memory that they are almost the only childhood memories. After all, an adult after resolving the conflict is able to control himself and forget all the unpleasant moments. It’s very difficult for a child to understand why a scandal occurs. Children always think that they are the cause of contention. Obsessive thoughts arise that they interfere with everyone in their family and that absolutely no one loves them. Against this background, a feeling of uselessness appears and in the future all this grows into a huge pile of complexes.

Physical Disorders

Speech and vision. Being in stress, constant anxiety contributes to a delay in the development of the child. Speech is particularly affected, the baby may later begin to speak, possibly the appearance of stuttering, various defects in speech. The child may lose the ability to focus on the subject, which indicates problems with vision. In addition, the general scientific fact is that constantly experiencing stress affects the brain, and normal human development is directly related to this.
Sleep. The scandal of the parents for a long time does not forget the parents, they themselves have long been able to throw the incident out of their heads, and their child will still worry about this. The psyche of the baby is still very undeveloped, it is difficult for him to understand the causes of contention. Gradually, a child may have negative thoughts that they do not like him, and he himself can be the cause of abuse of mom and dad. Because of our own feelings and complexes, it is sometimes very difficult for a child to fall asleep, and we all know the huge role of sleep in the development of a baby, his physical and mental health. Emotional arousal often leads to nightmares, disturbing sleep.

How to behave if a quarrel is ripening, or it has already taken place

Be silent. Wait until the relationship is clarified until the child is absent or is sleeping. Of course, it is difficult to do this if negative emotions and anger are seething inside, but you and an adult are good enough to be able to restrain yourself. But you need to think about the consequences of the conflict and that nerve cells do not recover. Try to get distracted, count to a hundred, breathe in the square;
Stop. If the quarrel is already ripe, try to leave the place of conflict for a while, leave, urgently engage in any business, transferring the conversation to later. You will cool down and later react to the situation with a "cold" head;
Watch the speech. Often in quarrels, parents begin to humiliate and insult each other. Humiliation is remembered for a long time even by an adult, not to mention a child. In addition, you do not need the baby to use swear words and names in speech later on;
Do not remember the past. As often in a dispute, adults begin to recall past misconduct. Do not stir up old grievances, do not aggravate the situation;
Do not threaten. There is no need to scatter threats, especially those that you simply say in haste, not planning to carry out, but simply to hurt your opponent. The child takes everything seriously, will anxiously wait for the worst, giving rise to doubts and fear in himself;
Express yourself calmly. Finding out the relationship, try to minimize the level of irritation, speak calmly, measuredly, as if discussing an ordinary situation;
Calm the baby. If the emerging conflict is clear, mutual tension, dissatisfaction is felt, tell the child that everything is in order, that in spite of everything, you will come to general conclusions and make peace;
To explain. If a quarrel has already occurred, explain to the child what motivated you to do so. Be sure to assure the child that everything ended peacefully. Explain to him in an understandable language why the conflict occurred. And to convince him that everything was resolved. That the situation did not happen again. And all the said insulting words and insults are a mistake, and dad or mom are good, kind, etc .;
Establish a normal relationship. Show the child that you are doing well. If the baby has witnessed a scandal, do not show dislike for each other for a long time, show that you have reconciled, and life has become the same as usual. Indeed, try to forgive the other half, because children are keenly aware of any falsity;
Express love and tenderness. This applies to both each other and the child. Just hug your child, kiss, tell me how you love him. And the child must understand that in fact in the family everyone loves each other;
Talk about emotions and feelings. Tell the child that all people can express their emotions, and have the right to it, only you need to try very hard in a bad mood not to offend another person. Show a personal example, reassure each other, share your feelings with your child;
Never bring quarrels to fights. This is an abnormal type of conflict, a sign of a clearly painful relationship. A child should not be a witness to assault. Otherwise, for him it can become the norm of life, seriously injure the psyche and greatly affect further life. If your family conflicts are very serious and comes to the assault, then this is worth seriously considering. At a minimum, you should calmly discuss the situation with your spouse in a suitable environment. Or seek help from a family psychologist. After all, every adult should understand that children are our reflection. And what kind of family model the child sees in childhood, the same he will build himself in adulthood. If beating has become part of a relationship, then think carefully about whether it would be best for your child if your couple divorced.

[sc name = ”rsa”]

A boy who grew up in a family where his father constantly beat his mother is simply not able to differ in a good upbringing in relation to a woman. It will be just the norm for him to solve any conflict in his family with his fists. He will not have respect for his own mother, and, accordingly, for all other women.

For a girl, parenting in such a family is the main model of a woman’s behavior. In the future, she will simply have no respect for herself. Being a victim, walking bruised for a girl will be a normal way of life. This will be the model of the family to which she has become accustomed since childhood.

Remember that good family relationships are the key to the normal development of your child.Family is a stronghold, an unbreakable wall for every child. Parents are a role model and undeniable authority. You are responsible for the psyche of your child. Truly loving mom and dad will never allow their own turmoil and problems in relationships to affect the health of the child, they will certainly try to smooth out conflicts, surround the child with calmness and love.

We also read:

Video consultation: How do parental disputes affect a child? Council of children's psychologist Julia Talanova