How to help your child overcome self-doubt

For the successful development of the psyche of the child, his abilities, it is necessary that the baby feel confident, not afraid to prove himself, his abilities, strive for the best, be open and honest. Uncertain adults most often grow out of insecure children.

Content

Self-doubt is an underestimation of one's own capabilities and abilities.

Self-confidence is an important quality for a child, which indicates that he appreciates himself, is responsible for his actions, and is ready to cope with life's problems. The development of confidence in the baby must begin at an early age. This personality trait continues to develop throughout life. Any child can be confident, regardless of gender and age.

Notes of uncertainty can not be seen in the child immediately, parents do not always succeed in recognizing a situation when the child already needs help.

People who are constantly experiencing indecision, doubting themselves and their abilities, experience significant difficulties in life, it is more difficult for them to achieve significant success, they constantly try to gain approval from the outside, they cannot understand what they want.

That is why it is so important to eradicate the nascent sense of insecurity in your child as soon as possible.

How to understand if your child is confident

Observe and think about how a child behaves at home, in a kindergarten or school, with peers.

If the child speaks quietly, even if the situation does not require it, often bites his nails, straightens clothes for no apparent reason, licks his lips, then these are small signs of indecision, insecurity and lack of complexes.

Here are some more signs of insecure behavior:

the child looks away when talking to a person;
trying to get away from an adult's response;
too distrustful, annoyed in the presence of other people;
often angry with strangers;
she is afraid not to cope with the instructions of an adult and does not want to take responsibility;
afraid of difficulties and always chooses things easier;
panics before doing new things;
has a number of fears and even phobias;
hesitates to meet and chat with new people;
does not have his own opinion;
He writes and draws very finely, slightly pressing on a pencil;
sometimes shows aggression and unreasonably behaves badly;
slouching.

If at least some of these signs appear in your child, then you should start working on your own mistakes in education and be sure to develop self-confidence in the child.

Often insecure, shy children can irritate pets and loved ones. Having matured, such children understand that they have achieved nothing in life, demonstrate evil to others, blaming them for all troubles.

Svetlana Voitenko, child psychologist: “Self-confidence is a very broad concept. Its development is facilitated by a positive vision of the world, self-esteem, sustainable self-esteem, faith in one’s abilities, etc. Self-confidence is formed, first of all, by parents, proper home education. Of course, relationships with peers, adults and the school atmosphere in general are important. If a child has problems at school, it is worth talking to a teacher or a school psychologist. ”

If the child has grown uncertain, he may be inherent in such features:

isolation;
lack of communication;
timidity;
blind imitation of a confident child;
difficulty in contacting strangers;
low self-esteem;
retardation, stubbornness.

Where does uncertainty come from?

The most common reason for children's insecurity is the upbringing and treatment of the child in the family and its immediate surroundings. Even the most loving parents sometimes make mistakes, believing that they act in the interests of the child. Consider the main factors affecting children's determination and confidence.

Parents are insecure people themselves.

The way the baby's parents look at the world and various situations depends on his own worldview and behavior. If a child is repeatedly told: “Better not take it, but you will lose”, “And if it doesn’t work out, then”, “Don’t climb, otherwise it could be worse,” then such thinking standards become commonplace in the child’s understanding. He decides that for his own safety, in order not to look stupid, to avoid losses and punishments, it’s better not to take up any business, avoid responsibility.

Indecision is not inherited, but can deeply sink in the subconscious. The kid, projecting the behavior and words of his parents, reduces his self-esteem, considers inaction the best choice.

We also read: how to increase self-esteem for a child

Therefore, even if you are naturally shy, indecisive, try not to show these qualities, do not tell the child that he can be defeated, since he is not strong enough and smart. On the contrary, try to generate initiative in the child, the desire for a new one.

If parents are too confident in themselves, consider themselves the most intelligent and skillful, do not tolerate contesting their actions, then the child grows up unable to make independent decisions.

It is noted that first-born in the family are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem, have more problems in communicating with others than their younger brothers and sisters. The fact is that when the first child appears in the house, parents experience many worries about him. Anxiety of adults regarding how they cope with their parental responsibilities is transmitted to the child.

Constant criticism, comparison, punishment.

If you constantly criticize the child, ignore his achievements instead of praise, condemn the baby’s choice, don’t value his friends, forbid a lot, demand the perfect fulfillment of everything that the child takes, you will inevitably cultivate a sense of insecurity in him, fear of undertaking any significant business.

Tearing down to a cry, often punishing a baby, you contribute to his isolation, estrangement, kill faith in yourself and good relations between people. Frequent fear, coupled with regular bullying in the most negative way affects the psyche of the child. Comparing it with others, assuring that there are more powerful, smart, beautiful, you reduce his self-esteem. A child can easily become isolated in his experiences and fears of being a failure, and as a result, stop developing normally as a person, fail to build a personal life in adulthood, fail to build a career, still considering himself unworthy and incapable.

Realization of your unfulfilled dreams, plans and desires.

Suppose, my mother wanted to become a famous musician all her life, but because of her first love she abandoned a music school and forever parted with her dream, and later with her first love. Now mother, without realizing it, decided that her child simply needed a musical education, and sent the baby to learn to play, for example, the violin, not taking into account the lack of desire and desire of the child. Daddy was offended by strong healthy guys in childhood, and now, he insists on boxing and martial arts for a child.

Think about it when choosing a child’s path through life, whether you are projecting your own desires, or taking into account the baby’s abilities, inclinations and aspirations.

Failures in social life.

Getting into the children's team, first kindergarten, then school, the child learns to be aware of himself as a personality, individuality, looking for ways to interact with peers. Therefore, failures and mistakes in communication, getting into the “wrong company”, mockery and ridicule of enemies, non-reciprocal love, etc. greatly hyperbolized by children, causing a sea of emotions. If the family does not help the child survive their problems on time, they can provoke the development of self-doubt.

Not conforming to standards.

The world around us imposes a lot of stereotypes and standards on us. The sensitive children's psyche is very susceptible to criticism regarding appearance, nationality, religion. The desire to become like everyone else erases individuality, and the desire to endlessly change the appearance, hide the far-fetched flaws of the figure, causes a lot of complexes. Without the support of loved ones, these complexes will only grow.

In no case should you insult and humiliate a child, let other people do it. Tell the child often that you believe in him and love him very much!

How to help your child become more confident

Do not compare. Comparison of your own child with others, not in terms of “oh, how you and Lena look like”, but, for example, “Lena can do her homework herself for a long time, and you still won’t become independent”, or “it’s a shame not to go to the potty, everyone can already, even little Petya, ”lead to underestimated self-esteem of the child. Let the baby realize that he is who he is, and you appreciate him that way. You can compare it with him yourself, yesterday, today. “Today you are just fine, yesterday you didn’t succeed, but you tried to keep it up”;
Appreciate in the child what he possesses. Behind the desire to cultivate the best qualities and abilities in a child, you may not notice how you are missing out on what was given to the child. Everything is ahead of your baby, he will still learn everything, and you need to encourage and praise him today, for what he already knows and strives to show you. Praise for small victories, because for a child they can be very significant. Show interest in his affairs, successes and failures;
Believe in the baby. Never tell a child that he is stupid, untalented, untalented. Do not drive yourself into such thoughts yourself, because you believe in the success of the child and wish him the best. Tell the child that he is special, show your own confidence in his success;
Direct the child to the necessary actions, but carefully. When the child collects a puzzle of 50 elements, offer him a puzzle of 70, then - of 100. If he does not cope with the new “step” very well, find a simpler picture of the puzzle;
Let your child know that mom can be wrong too: “Ehh ... what have I done. Now you have to start all over again. ” Tell him that you also need support: “Seryozha, now I need your support so much. Give me a hug";
Criticism in moderation. Do not overdo criticism; always remember that the amount of praise must exceed critical remarks. Never criticize the child with outsiders, do not discuss his failures;
Criticize not the child himself, but his behavior. For example, say that pinching is bad, and not that the son is a bad boy.The second option will sharply reduce the self-esteem of the offspring, while the first will not affect her;
The right to vote and choice. Give the child the opportunity to participate in building his life, listen to his opinion, very carefully and imperceptibly correct his views. Teach the baby to express an opinion, sometimes allow you to argue with you, without destroying your authority;
Set doable tasks. Do not load the child so that he does not have time for himself, his hobby and friends. You also do not need to claim the impossible for the baby. “I'll write to the section if you pull up 15 times”, “So that until the evening the whole textbook will be studied and retold”;
Encourage communication and friendship. Do not isolate the child from peers, on the contrary, invite his friends to visit, arrange children's parties, let your baby go to such an event;
Do not compare your child’s character traits with the qualities of children who are at your place;
Encourage your child to play with younger children. This will give him confidence in his abilities;
Talk about your feelings. Do not forget to repeat to the child that you love him and appreciate how important he and his well-being are for you. Teach your child to be frank with you, take an interest in his affairs, ask about mood and feelings. Dedicate time to the baby, play, study, visit entertainment places;
Do not shout or hit. Such punitive measures can kill in the baby confidence, love and self-esteem;
Encourage your child’s initiative in overcoming shyness, notice it and evaluate it in time;
Be consistent and logical. Control your own negative experiences that can result in illogical behavior. “I did my homework right after school - it’s bad, because I didn’t have time to wash the dishes, I did it later, but I managed to wash it, it’s also bad when now you can learn everything”;
Talk heart-to-heart with the child, give him the opportunity to speak out, share his pain. Ask him if he himself says nothing. Do it tactfully and warmly.

Qualities characterizing a self-confident child

Ability to be a leader;
Adequate perception of criticism;
The ability to protect oneself and others;
Emotional stability;
Artistry.

If you are really a loving parent, then you will certainly find an approach to the child, correct or avoid mistakes in education and relationships. Your love and striving for the best will overcome your child’s insecurity.

We also read:

Recommendations: how to raise a successful adult from a child

If you want to change something in the child - start with yourself. Remember, children copy parents.
Praise your child for success and do not scold him for failure.
Tell your baby what is good, not what should not be done.
Make short suggestion formulas with your child such as: “I am the best”, “I am successful.”
Learn to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. If the baby does not know how to sing beautifully, tell him: “But you draw well!”
More often tell the baby how much you love him, that you believe in him.
Support all your child’s endeavors, even if they seem strange to you.
Try to always be objective in relation to the different actions of your child.

Video: How to build self-confidence and self-confidence in children? Parenting. Mom's school

Vasiliy 03/07/2017 at 10:49

To ensure that the child is confident, it is necessary to constantly encourage him. More precisely, it is necessary to evaluate his undertakings. Praise if he did something well. If he didn’t succeed, then there is no need to scold him much - you need to help him fix it.

Unsure child: how to help your child become more confident