Whether the child will achieve success in life in the future or not depends on the level of his self-esteem, which is laid down in early childhood. The key role in its formation is played by the parents and the situation in the family as a whole, and at a later age, the environment of the child affects the perception of self. What is self-esteem? This is an awareness of the importance of oneself, the ability to adequately assess one's own qualities, achievements, advantages and disadvantages. How to develop the right attitude towards yourself in children and why is it important?
Healthy self-esteem is the key to success
It is not easy to achieve a balance between low and high self-esteem when raising a child. A child develops a healthy perception of himself gradually if he grows up in a favorable atmosphere. A strong family, where everyone treats each other with respect, provides support, sincerely expresses their feelings, where the baby feels protected - these are suitable conditions for the development of a healthy self-esteem in the child.
Children with high self-esteem often aggressive, prone to manipulation by others. They consider themselves and their interests above the rest. It is difficult for them to accept defeat or accept the parents' refusal to fulfill their demand.
Low self-esteem in children it manifests itself differently - such babies tend to retire, they are not confident in themselves, in the correctness of their actions and in achieving goals. They are constantly waiting for the worst - that they will not be noticed, offended, not listened to, not accepted. These children do not notice their own successes or consider them insignificant.
A child with both low and high self-esteem will have to face difficulties that will certainly manifest themselves in finding friends, a marriage partner, work and other areas of life. That is why it is important from a young age to teach a son or daughter to properly evaluate and perceive himself as a person.
Adequate self-esteem allow the child to become honest, fair in relation to himself and others, responsible, sympathetic and loving. Such a person can recognize his mistakes, as well as forgive the mistakes of others. He is able to complete the matter, take responsibility for the decisions made.
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How important are praise and encouragement?
The importance of approval was mentioned in the Bible, where it says that praise inspires. These words are still relevant today - to develop an adequate self-perception of the child, you need to praise and encourage. Noticing that the baby coped with some task, got a new skill, immediately praise him for his success.A good word said in time will encourage the little one to strive to gain even more approval from adults.
The opposite rule applies here - a child who has not received praise for a good deed or achievement may lose interest in good deeds. If parents constantly ignore or take the child’s success for granted, the baby will begin to draw their attention to themselves in a different way - pampering and aggression.
It is important to learn how to properly encourage children without going too far. Exaggerated or far-fetched praise can harm a baby - why make an effort if mom and dad still express their approval? When is praise inappropriate?
- Out of a feeling of pity for the baby;
- If the child has appropriated other people's achievements;
- Out of a desire to win the favor of the baby;
- Not praised for its natural beauty and health.
Each person has different abilities and talents that may appear unexpectedly. To identify them and be able to develop, it is necessary to encourage the baby to make attempts to try themselves in different types of activities.
Let the baby sing, draw, dance or build, do not pull it, but encourage. Never tell children that they will not become a great dancer or musician. By doing so, you will only achieve that the child will stop even trying something new, and his self-esteem will decrease.
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Several ways to increase children's self-esteem
The belief that parents believe in your strengths and abilities will help the child overcome fears and achieve goals. Praise your baby in advanceshowing and proving that you have no doubt about him. How to do it? Tell him that he will be able to tell the poem without hesitation, he will be able to perform a certain job. Say these words without a shadow of doubt, this will inspire the child and give him strength.
Praising a child in the morning is an advance for the whole long and difficult day. Praise him for what will happen, instill in him faith in yourself and your strengths: “You will tell the rule!”, “You will win the competition”, “You will try”, “I believe in you”, etc.
Another way to increase children's self-esteem is to be interested in their opinions and seek advice. in some business. After receiving a recommendation from your son or daughter, follow it, even if you think otherwise. This is important, as it will achieve the goal - it will help children to assert themselves. Do not be afraid to show your weakness, do not hide your own failures, but acknowledge them, then the children will understand that adults do not always succeed the first time. Ask your child for help - this technique is especially good in relations between mother and son, it will create favorable conditions for the education of male qualities in a boy.
Should children be punished?
Punishment and censure are an important part of educational work, without which a healthy self-esteem cannot be developed. It makes it possible to realize your own mistakes, learn how to correct mistakes. What do parents need to know when using reprehensible measures?
- Punishment should not be accompanied by physical or psychological harm to the child (We also read: why children should not be beaten - consequences of physical punishment of children);
- Reprimanding is a loving measure, do not deprive the baby of affection and care when he is guilty (Read also: to punish or not a child for accidental misconduct?);
- You can not take away gifts from children - this is a forbidden reception;
- When in doubt whether to punish misconduct, do not do this;
- Forgive old mistakes and misdeeds, forget, do not blame them for children and do not remind them;
- Punishment should not be humiliating.
It is worth mentioning cases when educational measures should be postponed or even refuse to punish a child:
- When the baby is sick.
- If a daughter or son is afraid.
- After a recent psychological trauma.
- If the baby makes an effort, but he does not manage to achieve a result.
- When you are overwhelmed or very annoyed.
To normalize high self-esteem, teach your child:
- Listen to the opinions and advice of others;
- Respect the feelings and desires of others;
- Worthy of criticism.
How to help children learn to evaluate themselves correctly?
The wise use of punishment and encouragement will help father and mother find that very golden mean in raising children and develop an adequate attitude towards themselves. The example of parents will become the cornerstone in the formation of a harmonious personality of children. Both kids and adolescents should understand that mom and dad are ordinary people who are not immune to mistakes. If you didn’t succeed in baking the cake or fastening the curtain rod exactly, admit it. Such behavior will form an adequate self-esteem among the younger generation.
To develop adequate self-esteem:
- Do not protect your child from everyday activities. Do not solve all the problems for him, but do not overload him. Set feasible tasks so that he can feel skilled and useful.
- Do not praise the child, but do not forget to encourage when he deserves it.
- Praise for any initiative.
- Show your example an adequate attitude to successes and failures: “I didn’t get a pie ... well, nothing, I know the reason! Next time I’ll put more flour. ”
- Never compare with other children. Compare with yourself: what he was yesterday and what he became today.
- Scold only for specific misconduct, and not in general.
- Analyze failure together with the right conclusions. Tell him a similar example from your life and how you dealt with it.
Common interests, joint games and activities, sincere communication - this is what children need to feel their importance and learn to value and respect themselves and others.
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How to increase a child’s self-esteem: psychologist's advice
Personal experience
If your child is unsure of himself, shy, afraid to approach strangers, afraid to get acquainted with other children, anxious. This video gives recommendations on how to increase a child’s self-esteem, methods of raising self-confidence, games to overcome shyness:
Healthy self-esteem in a child is the hard work of a parent. It is important to strike a balance between punishment and encouragement. I was beaten with a belt in childhood, but for my child I don’t accept this. The main thing is to treat him in an adult way, explain why he is being punished or for what he is encouraged, so that there is an understanding of the good and the bad. Respect your child and it will respect you. My child is simply silk, I always patiently tell and explain everything to him. Now he is already 9 years old and we have gone through all age crises painlessly.