Why do many parents actively use physical effects on their own children? The reasons behind this phenomenon are quite deep. But physical punishment, as extremely harmful, can be replaced by much more effective and humane alternatives.
Some argue that “You need to spank a child before you grow up”. And this is a tribute to tradition. Indeed, in Russia birch rods were an integral element of education. But today, everything has changed, and physical punishments are equated with medieval executions. True, for many this issue is important and remains open.
Key reasons for using physical punishment in the educational process
A huge number of parents use force in raising children and at the same time do not think about what consequences this can provoke. It is customary for them to fulfill their parental duty, generously endowing children with head slaps. Moreover, to maintain discipline, the object of intimidation is often hung in a prominent place - a belt, etc.
What are the causes of such fierce medieval cruelty among modern moms and dads? There are several reasons:
- Hereditary reasons. Most often, parents take out their own children's grievances already on their child. Moreover, such a father or mother usually does not realize that there is education without violence. Their confidence that the slap reinforces the said educational words in the child is unshakable;
- Lack of desire, as well as time for raising a baby, holding lengthy conversations, explaining that he is wrong. After all, it is much faster and easier to hit a child than to sit down with him and talk about his misconduct, to help him understand his own wrong;
- Lack of even basic knowledge about the process of raising children. Parents take the belt in their hands only from hopelessness and from ignorance of how to cope with the "little monster";
- The removal of resentment and anger for their own failures., Previous and current. Often parents beat their own child just because there is no longer anyone to break loose. The salary is scanty, the boss is cruel, the wife does not obey, and then there is a mischievous child, spinning underfoot. And the parent gives the priest for it. Moreover, the louder the child cries and the more afraid the father is, the more he will come off on the child for his own problems and failures.After all, a person needs to feel his own power and authority even before someone else. And the worst thing is when there is no one to intercede for the child;
- Mental disorders. There are also such parents who simply need to shout, to beat off a child, to arrange a showdown for no apparent reason. Further, the parent reaches the required condition, presses the baby to himself and cries with him. Such moms and dads need the help of a doctor.
READ ALSO: To punish or not a child for accidental misconduct?
What is physical punishment?
Physical punishment refers not only to the direct use of brute force in order to influence a child. In addition to belts, towels, slippers, and cuffs, and punishment in the corner, and jerking hands and sleeves, and ignoring, and force-feeding or not feeding, etc. are used. But in any case, one goal is pursued - to inflict pain, demonstrate power over the child, show him his place.
Statistics: most often, children under 4 years of age are punished in physical form, as they still cannot hide, defend themselves or be outraged by the question: “For what?”
Physical influences provoke a new wave of disobedience to the child, which, in turn, leads to a new surge of parental aggression. Thus, the so-called cycle of domestic violence appears.
READ ALSO: What should parents not do when a child behaves unbearably?
The consequences of physical punishment. Is it permissible to hit a child?
Do physical punishment have benefits? Of course not. The assertions are incorrect that the carrot does not give an effect without a whip and that light bashing in some situations is useful.
After all, any physical punishment results in consequences:
- Fear of the parent, on which the child directly depends (and at the same time loves). This fear over time develops into a neurosis;
- Against the background of such a neurosis, it is difficult for the baby to adapt in society, find friends, and later the second half. This affects the career;
- Children brought up by such methods have extremely low self-esteem. A child’s “right of the strong” is remembered for a lifetime. Moreover, he will use this right at the first opportunity himself;
- Regular flogging affects the psyche, causing developmental delays;
- Children who constantly concentrate on waiting for punishment from their parents are unable to concentrate on lessons or games with other children;
- In 90% of cases, the child beaten by the parents will similarly do with their own children;
- Over 90% of attackers were subjected to parental violence in childhood. Probably no one wants to raise a maniac or a masochist;
- Regularly received punishment, the child loses the sense of reality, stops solving pressing problems, studies, experiences constant anger and fear, as well as a desire for revenge;
- With each stroke, the child moves away from the parent. The natural connection between parents and children is broken. There will be no mutual understanding in a family with violence. Growing up, the child will cause many problems to tyrant parents. And in old age, an unenviable fate awaits parents;
- The punished and humiliated child is extremely lonely. He feels frustrated, forgotten, thrown to the sidelines and unnecessary to anyone. In such conditions, children are capable of committing such nonsense as going into bad company, smoking, drugs or even suicide;
- Entering courage, parents often lose control over themselves. As a result, a child caught in a hot hand runs the risk of injury, sometimes incompatible with life, in the event that after the cuff of the parent falls and hits a sharp object.
READ ALSO: Why you can not spank a child - 6 reasons
Children must not be beaten. There are effective alternatives
It must be remembered that physical punishment is a weakness, not a parental strength, a manifestation of its failure.And excuses like “he doesn't understand in a different way” remain just excuses. In any case, there is an alternative to physical abuse. For this:
- You should distract the child, turn your attention to something interesting.
- Carry the baby with an activity in which he will feel like naughty and naughty.
- Hug the baby and convince him of your love. After that you can spend at least a couple of hours of your own “precious” time with your baby. After all, the child lacks precisely attention (We also read: Very simple ways to show children that you love them.).
- Come up with new games. For example, you can collect scattered toys in two large boxes, who is the first. The reward can be a good bedtime story from dad or mom. And it will work better than a slap or a cuff.
- Use loyal methods of punishment (depriving a laptop, TV, going for a walk, etc.).
READ ALSO:
- To beat or not to beat? The story of all the condemned mothers -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/bit-ili-ne-bit-istoriya-vsemi-osuzhdaemoy-mamyi.html
- 8 loyal ways to punish children. How to punish a child for disobedience -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/8-loyalnyih-sposobov-nakazaniya-detey-kak-pravilno-nakazyivat-detey-za-neposlushanie.html
- 7 gross mistakes of parents during quarrels with children -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/7-grubyih-oshibok-roditeley-vo-vremya-ssor-s-detmi.html
- How not to punish a child -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/kak-nelzya-nakazyivat-rebenka.html
- Is it necessary to punish a child at 3 years: the opinion of parents and a psychologist -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/nuzhno-li-nakazyivat-rebenka-v-3-goda-mnenie-roditeley-i-psihologa.html
It is important to learn how to get along with a child without punishment. There are a lot of methods for that. There would be a desire, and you can always find an alternative. It is important for any parent to understand that children should never be beaten under any circumstances!
Why you can not beat children. Parental self-control and physical punishment
Opinions of mummies from forums
Olga: My opinion is that it is very strictly impossible. Because we begin to drive into a tight framework, and when we are not around the children will begin to come off in full. Remember, you always want even more what you can’t or don’t have. And we ourselves cannot always fall asleep, even if we really want to. To beat or not to beat ?? I am against beating, although sometimes I spank it myself. Then I scold myself. I think raising a hand to the child, it's just that we can’t cope with our emotions. You can just come up with a punishment. We have this corner. The little one terribly does not like to stand there, roars. ... But we have an agreement with him if put there until you calm down, I will not come to talk to him. And it stands until it cools down. Probably the most difficult thing is to find a punishment, because one method does not work on all.
Zanon2: do not beat and punish! agree. but no beat!
Beloslava: I also sometimes spank, then I think I fell off again, I can’t beat ... I try to change the subject altogether if the psychos attacked, it usually happens before bedtime, but most of all it depresses me that the child, when she scams and swears, says “beat.” He doesn’t say phrases. I explain that I love him and I don’t want to and will not beat him. I try to restrain myself now, like I’ve forgotten ... And our dad believes that we need to beat ... and you can’t convince him in any way .. as a child beat ...
Natalinka15: Yes, a difficult topic, I try not to scream, but I don’t accept to beat a child, I try to agree. If you can’t calmly agree, then for some time I leave my daughter alone and just turn around and leave. It reacts differently, sometimes it calms down right away, and sometimes it doesn't. But for when I leave, we both have time to think and calm down. In principle, it always turns out, sweats decide everything in the world and we put up.
Okay to the Sun: here’s what I’ve thought about ... why do we, adults and parents, allow ourselves to hit our child, if he brings us out, acts as an irritant if we can’t agree with him ... why don’t we spank completely unnatural adults? ... they can also annoy, offend ... because we’ll think a hundred times before we put our opponent in the face. same? we are afraid to act as an aggressor, we want to look civilized, smart and tolerant, translate the conflict into diplomacy. that with children then this does not work for some?
We also read:How to raise children: carrot or stick? -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/stil-vospitaniya-rebenka-knut-ili-pryanik.html
Video consultation of specialists
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There is no doubt that it is impossible to beat a child in any case, because apart from aggression in a child, we will achieve nothing else. The best way to convince a child is to have a serious conversation with him.
I think those who beat their children just frustrate their anger, aggression, fatigue. But the baby is not to blame. In the future, for him, this can turn into a bad side. And children need to give love, joy, care, because childhood should be happy.
Sometimes I can also break loose, because sometimes a child just doesn’t hear what you are saying to him, rests on his own, and that’s it! And on the priest will receive, and immediately draws attention to his mother. It's a pity then, of course, but what if other methods do not work. I hope to outgrow and do not have to punish anymore.
I never used physical punishment as a method of education, moreover, I opposed any violence and pressure, because I always thought that it was possible to explain, find arguments to convince, and I also trusted the opinion of my daughter. If she believes that she does not need to study at a music school, then she does not need to go, and so on. Or if she believes that she doesn’t need chemistry and biology at school, then you can not do homework. My relatives always condemned me and said that I pamper. Now that she’s grown up, she regretted that she hadn’t finished music school and dropped out halfway, and I thought - maybe it was necessary to punish, order and crush, maybe not only explain and argue.
The statistics are of course terrifying. Personally, I believe that applying physical punishment is permissible, not at every opportunity, of course. About beating a child with the same belt to bruises on the body and speech can not be, but put in a corner is permissible. But still, of course, initially, you just need to talk with the child, explain what he was wrong / to blame for. In fact, this topic is suggestive, no one is safe from a momentary breakdown.
Why can’t you beat a child? Yes, all by the fact that you can’t beat your parents! But if parents allow themselves to dissolve their hands on a child, then the child has every right to give good change to such parents!
When you bring your hand
over his little one ...
Remember, this is the Temple of God
And you, only next to him ...
When you bring your hand
over the prank of the crown
Remember, this is not a robbery,
trust of the Father ...
When you bring your hand
to convince evil before
Do you remember, is this evil possible?
defeat love ...
When you bring your hand
to equalize
Think His Love
always been right ...
When you bring your hand
to make a secret
Think love is right
and there are no secrets with her ...
When you bring your hand
in the psychosis of being,
Think if it's worth it
your bloodlet ...
When you bring your hand
angry at a child
Think maybe him
forgive, crossing ...
When you bring your hand
to stop evil
Think - maybe it’s standing in the Temple,
to go down with your crown ...
When you bring your hand
their reins,
Think - maybe before them,
didn’t the soul rise?
And so in everything, ask yourself
be cruel in everything ...
And you will see how,
we’ll come in our love ...
Are you seriously?
The listed consequences of physical punishments seem far-fetched to me to one degree or another, since he himself went through the school of a harsh father, he often got it, but at the same time I always knew that my father loved me very much, he loves and will love me. If necessary, he will give me the last piece, he will sleep on the floor, and the bed will give me up.
What neuroses, what a difficult adaptation in society, making friends, the second half, an extremely low self-esteem? And developmental delays due to physical punishment? This must be beaten on the head so that there are delays.
We are all children of the Soviet Union, all or almost all have been punished, so what? Neurosis, enuresis, low self-esteem or developmental delays, no matter how it is !!!
The essence of physical punishment is when the child does not receive verbal warnings on the issue of attention and danger of important things. And if once again the child does not listen, he very seriously points out the inadmissibility of such behavior and after that you need to give in. In this case, give only a soft belt or an open palm on the priest, and the impact force is dosed and 1 hit / slap.
In this case, the trigger is set for the child: if I do this again, it will hurt me.
Often this is much more effective than admonitions that the child can later ignore (remember the headphone advertisement, where the mother curses at the student, that he does not study well and does not clean the room, during the mother’s monologue, the student puts on headphones and turns on the music), or the child simply listens to the parent with the thought “come on, say, now you’ll finish and I will continue to do what I want.”
Everything that the true truth is written here. My mother beat me very hard and really became an idiot. He was suspicious. And so on. 3 a bunch of marriage
And the children are full of accommodation.
Everything that is written about the consequences is exactly about me. I was beaten in childhood. And I suffer from many nervous and mental disorders because of this. At the same time, I have strong sociophobia, and I am afraid of people and hide from them. Ten years did not leave home at all. She suffered from alcoholism, depression, twice tried to commit suicide, inflicted cuts on her hands. I suffer from many phobias, nightmares, panic attacks, attacks of causeless aggression. Now I’m working with a psychologist, undergoing rehabilitation. My parents didn’t beat me very hard - flip flops, slaps. Only six or seven times were severely beaten. They do not drink, and provided me with everything necessary materially. But I was born with a fragile psyche, and these slaps were enough to ruin my life.
My father beat me since childhood. And the mother beat drunk. Childhood in a kind of constant fear, waiting for beating. And they beat him in childhood. I have mental problems because of this, which prevent me from living normally in society. I'm working on myself. I agree with the article 5+
A horse that was whipped will never become a real horse
Mom and Dad will hit me too. I’m 14 years old will be 15 soon and I have nervous breakdowns almost every day, crying and laughing, at the same time I don’t know what to do, I’m just tired of sawing every day because of all my relatives, there are a lot of good ones and I won’t get my mom together with dad please tell me what can move to my grandmother move? Advise, otherwise I will become a psycho by the age of 18