Any psychologist will tell you that in 3 years the child begins the first age crisis. (if the child did not have a crisis in 1-2 years, in 3 he will definitely come). The kid becomes an independent person, defends his right to personal space. Not all adults have steel nerves ... The question arises: is it possible to punish a child at this age (put a little caprice in a corner, put on a high chair, slap)?
“A parent must be a leader, authority”
Vladimir Smirnov, 30 years old, father of two children
I bring up children quite strictly, so I periodically punish children for their wrongdoings. This does not mean that I am a home tyrant beating my own children. But they must know that the parent is the main one, it is impossible for him to sit on his neck. You can never lose credibility in the eyes of your child. At the age of three, the kids begin a kind of “rebellion”: howl, arrange tantrums in public places and shopstrying to manipulate. Remember son fell in the store on the floor and hysteriademanding that I buy him a toy. I warned that I would punish such behavior. He kept his word: at home he stood in the corner for half an hour. I can spank the ass, too, of course, slightly. But now he knows that the father’s word is the law, and that I keep my word.
I have the same attitude towards my daughter, I only punish her more gently and naturally without slapping, yet she is a girl.
Now my children are 10 and 12 years old. “Methods of exposure” have changed a bit: I’m not putting it into a corner, but computer sometimes depriving. And I do not regret at all that sometimes I have to punish them and put them in a corner: this is an effective way to achieve obedience in the shortest possible time.
“Children can obey their parents without punishment”
Tamara, 28 years old, mother of two children
To be honest, in childhood I sometimes got a strap on the pope, and as a child I promised myself that I would never punish my children in this way (to beat or not to beat a child - consequences of physical punishment of children) But once I had to break my word: my 3-year-old son was behaving ugly in the street, throwing stones at people passing by. I told him to stop, but he did not obey. I was wildly angry, grabbed his jacket, dragged him home and spanked, and then put in a corner. After that I was tormented with remorse, I was very ashamed. I realized that I could not keep my word to myself, that I hadn’t changed the situation, only spoiled my mood, patted my nerves and myself and the baby. And I again promised myself not to do such a thing anymore and am still doing it.
Now my daughter is 3 years old, and I don’t put her in a corner and all the more I don’t slap her: if she starts to be naughty, I try to interest her, to distract her. I say something in the spirit: “Oh, look what a dog runs there! Let's go look at her. ” It can be difficult to restrain oneself when a child becomes completely uncontrollable, but I try to find an approach, and I manage. Children without punishment will love, obey and respect their parents.
Lena Danilyuk tells how to punish a child and maintain friendly and trusting relationships with her child. 8 ways to punish a child and not break his psyche:
Elena Ostrovskaya, psychologist, leading parent-child groups
Punishment is not such a terrible thing as it is customary to think: sometimes it is necessary to educate the baby. But they are applicable to children older than three years (most likely for children 5 years of age and older). And you can’t just punish because of a bad mood. Punishment follows after a serious misconduct, violation of some rules. The child must know: there is a clear and undeniable system of rules (these rules must be understandable for the child and agreed in advance). If he violates them, then the parent has the right to apply measures. Discuss with your child what you think is unacceptable in his behavior. No threats and scandals. It is necessary to punish by depriving the child of something good, and not doing the child something bad.
But here's the thing: at the age of three, the child will not understand what rules you are talking about. And the situations themselves, when he behaves badly, can be divided into two groups:
- He is still too small and his whims - this is not a desire to get his parents crazy, but rather a cry for help. He was probably tired, nervous, or unable to cope with any task.
- There is another option - through his hysteria, the child is trying to protect their own borders, to defend their interests and values.
When you spank a three-year-old, you tell him that domestic violence is the norm. And that he can not wait for help from parents. Sending to a corner - that means we refuse to make contact. The kid begins to feel a lack of care and love, closes in himself. This threatens psychological problems in the future.
Imagine how the child feels then: he is abandoned, we do not love, bad ...
But parents should not forget about themselves. Tell the child: “We respect you, but you must respect us.” That is, you cannot ignore bad behavior. If the baby throws stones at passers-by, you need to take the child aside and recall the existing rules, say that he is bothering you and others. Also don't give in on manipulationbuying a child of toys and chocolates. Naturally, the baby will cry, freak out and protest, because you draw a border that he can not cross. Stand your ground, but do it without aggression and anger.Do not dismiss the child, he really needs your support.
READ ALSO ON THE TOPIC OF PUNISHMENT OF CHILDREN
- To punish or not a child for accidental misconduct? -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/nakazyivat-ili-net-rebenka-za-sluchaynyie-prostupki.html
- What should parents not do when a child behaves unbearably? -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/chto-nelzya-delat-roditelyam-kogda-rebenok-vedet-sebya-nevyinosimo.html
- Why you can not spank a child - 6 reasons -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/pochemu-nelzya-shlepat-rebenka-6-prichin.html
- How to raise children: carrot or stick? -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/stil-vospitaniya-rebenka-knut-ili-pryanik.html
- 8 loyal ways to punish children. How to punish a child for disobedience -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/8-loyalnyih-sposobov-nakazaniya-detey-kak-pravilno-nakazyivat-detey-za-neposlushanie.html
- 7 gross mistakes of parents during quarrels with children -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/7-grubyih-oshibok-roditeley-vo-vremya-ssor-s-detmi.html
- How not to punish a child -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/kak-nelzya-nakazyivat-rebenka.html
Video consultation of psychologist Dmitry Korpachev: how to punish a child. Why you can not beat children
Opinions of mummies from forums
Spelling and punctuation of the authors saved.
Svetlana: I do not punish my children, until there is simply no reason, I do not consider pranks. I myself experienced the cruelty of my mother, who, with or without beatings, beat us, in black. She could drag with her legs, and this is daughters. Bottom line: our children's souls were injured, we did not have a childhood, we were enviously envious of other children whom their mothers caressed, did not beat, and who were friends of their children. Mother hate, insults not passing and there is no desire to communicate with her now. But this does not mean that I have spoiled and uneducated children, they just know that I may not like it. The daughter is in grade 3, she came and says. “I know mom that you will not be happy” and ... .. yes, I talked with her for a long time, but I didn’t read notations, I just talked, and my son is generally very attached to me. I bring up one, without a husband.
Ossa: What kind of punishment can there be in general, and especially of young children? We often get angry at children because of their actions that are aimed at understanding the world (he is not a child — it’s not his fault that he does not know what is good and what is bad!). And over time, we still do not have the strength to first understand the child, then find the time to practice with him. It is easier of course to press it to the nail (in a soft place or in gray matter - it does not matter). When else he grows up and answers ... Punishment is punishment, but I want understanding ...
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Elena: It is necessary to punish children. Only punishments are different, and this is not necessarily spanking in the ass or screaming. When a child specifically does what parents forbid him, he should be punished. If parents engage in connivance in the future, the child will be punished by society. Just the question of how to punish depends on the child, his temperament. One will have enough educational conversation, and the other without a slap in the ass will not reach.
jackson: Children should not be punished, but brought up, not forgetting to thoroughly explain what is good and what is bad and desirable by personal examples. Punishment is the usual retribution for disobedience, but you are not raising slaves from your children. So, only education by word and personal example
Inga:I just want to write that I am an ideal mother who never spanks a child. And that I have an ideal child who doesn’t provoke me to spank)))) I won’t write because it’s not true. It happens sometimes, I break down, I slap on the pope and shout at my “electric broom”. Then I am always tormented by my conscience, because I know that it’s impossible. But sometimes it helps ...
Although it is better to do without it, if possible. Sometimes it’s better to go to another room yourself, let off steam, switch to something else.
Inna135: My opinion is that a child should be punished at such a young age, only if the child does something dangerous to life and health or has already done so that he understands that this should not be done. In other cases, you just need to talk more and explain everything to the baby.
The punishment must be appropriate to the degree of misconduct. In one case, a conversation will do, in the other a corner, in the third a slap, but preferably not with your hand. The parental palm should only caress and bless, but not beat. And, most importantly, you need to consider what kind of punishment brings the result for your child.
I have 2 children and I believe that children should not be beaten! Sometimes, of course, they can be naughty, but this is not a reason to raise a hand at them. A few words are enough for me and the children immediately calm down. I think the main thing is how to say it and in what tone to say it!
The worst punishment for my son was my silence. I just stopped paying attention to him. Then his vagaries were enough for 10 minutes and he calmed down. I never hit, but sometimes I put it in a corner.
With what? )
To begin with, children cannot be beaten, in general, and especially at that age. If a child begins to hysteria and thereby tries to achieve his goal, then it is better to ignore him, usually they calm down after 5 - 10 minutes. Of course, you can temporarily deprive a child of your favorite activity, but the main thing here is not to go too far. And of course, try to explain why he is wrong, that adults and smart people do not.