Children's hysteria in the store: how to react to parents

Many young mothers encounter such a problem when a small child throws a tantrum in the store, demanding some kind of toy or sweets. Very often, such hysterical states become a real torment. The child falls to the floor, screaming, beating his head. It’s almost impossible to calm the baby. Why does the kid arrange such demonstrations? How to help him in such a situation? Let's try to find the answer to this question.

Sudden tantrum in the store: how to behave to parents

“Buy, buy, buy!”- Such cries with crying can be heard in almost any store. This is a common childhood hysteria that children arrange for parents to get the desired toy or goodies. Of course, it’s not a pity to buy, but then after a while such scenes become more and more often, and the apartment begins to look like a small toy store.

How to behave in such a situation? Parents should choose their own tactics of behavior. Such extremely unpleasant moments compromise mom in front of others. She becomes ashamed of her child, who is hysterical because of trifles. And here you can already spit on your principles and buy the crumb that he wants to either stand his ground to the last.

You can go with your child about it, you can buy him everything he wants. If you buy him what he wants, the tantrum will stop at the moment and you will breathe a sigh of relief. But where is the guarantee that going to the next shelf, your young manipulator will not arrange another demonstration when he sees another toy. The more often you indulge your baby, the more often there will be tantrums (after several successful experiments, your child will use a tantrum as a way to get everything from you that his darling wishes). Not only will the child spoil your nerves, he himself will not bring any benefit to such behavior. Over time, hysterical seizures will begin to appear in the kindergarten or even at school, which will become a huge problem for educators and teachers (after all, he will demand everything that he needs at the moment from educators and teachers). Peers will not understand a hysterical child, and this will already interfere with normal communication in the children's team.

If mother decided not to buy, then she must strictly stand her ground. Do not pay attention to others, do not listen to their advice, do not be afraid to be judged. Believe me, thousands of parents in different parts of the world every day face similar vagaries of children in stores. And there is nothing shameful here! Do not think about how you look from the side, focus on the behavior of the child. If the hysteria does not go away, it is best to leave the store with the crumbs and come shopping next time. To succumb to a child's whim is easy, much more difficult to refuse. If you decide not to buy anything, be sure to keep your word and do not doubt the decision is correct.

“A child most of all needs your love exactly when he least deserves it.”Czech psychologist Erma Bombek

Hysterical Factors

Most often, tantrums manifest at the age of three (this is the so-called “crisis of three years”) During this period, the baby only learns to control his emotions, but he does not always succeed. Usually, hysterical states go away by the age of 4-5, but you should know some points that can provoke another attack.

1. Parents quite often buy toys for their crumbs. Each time, the children demand more, more, and parents as a result have to refuse.
2. Typically, tantrums occur in children who are unfamiliar with a simple word. "not". Quite often, having received a refusal from mom, the baby runs to dad, who allows everything, or vice versa. As a result, the child begins to take advantage of such a situation in order to achieve his own goals.
3. Fatigue, a bad dream can provoke a tantrum. A kid in this state will not be able to control his emotions.
4. The child does not feel comfortable in the store: the baby is tired, hungry, thirsty, wants to use the toilet, or the whole environment annoys him.
5. Long shopping trips, a bunch of new emotions can also lead to fatigue, which ultimately will cause tantrum.
6. Parents are busy with the choice of goods, and their little ones are left to their own devices (very often many of us are too caught up in the buying process, that they completely forget about their children, who at that moment were completely exhausted from boredom, and invent a good way - to arrange a demonstrative tantrum in order to parents again showed interest in his person.

How to behave with a child in a store

The main reason for the tantrum may be a lack of attention from parents during a shopping trip. Many mothers are so passionate about the buying process and completely forget about their child, who at this moment is tormented by boredom. Demonstrative hysteria is a way to attract the attention of parents, so try to involve the child in shopping, he should feel that he is a full-fledged participant in such an event.

Maybe the child has found a means by which he can put pressure on you. If there was a similar precedent before: the child was hysterical, and the mother, wanting to quickly calm down the crumb that had become known, nevertheless bought him what he required, but now the baby decided to adopt this method of manipulation.

To avoid this, before going shopping, the child must definitely explain why you are going to the store, and also tell about the rules of behavior in a public place. Explain that you can’t shout and make noise in the store, this can interfere with other customers. Tell us in advance exactly what you plan to buy. So that the baby has less temptations, learn yourself not to give in to spontaneous purchases. Show him that you are guided by a pre-compiled list and are not going to take anything extra.

In grocery stores, the main temptations are located near the cash desks (usually they have chocolates, sweets and other goodies that are attractive for the baby), therefore, in order to avoid the child being in this area for a long time, it’s better not to come shopping at rush hour,or go out with a child from the store with one of the parents, while the other is in line. If mom is alone with the baby, then try to distract him. Let it help lay out purchases on a tape or lay them out in packages.

History:Today I went with my son (3.5 g) to the store. Purchased products. We stand at the checkout. And then my child begins to pick up chocolates in a basket. To my “CANNOT” a clear answer “CAN” was given. Then I remove all this sweet food from the basket and say “NO”. And then follows a cry and a show jump to the floor. In general, while I was breaking through the goods, my son was lying nearby and screaming. Then, pulling him away from the checkout, I packed the food in a bag and tried to raise the child. To which I was told, “GO HOME I WILL LIE HERE” This did not suit me and I took it out of the store. Then he was lying at the entrance for another 10 minutes. In general, everything ended as usual. The son got up. He said that “I am BAD” and we left. Now the question is. Do you girls have such tantrums? How do you react? And if you feel ashamed in front of people? At such moments, I try not to look at anyone at all. I want to fall through the ground.

Do not trust the baby, choose products on your own. He is attracted by the bright packaging, most likely, he will choose not what is needed and can be very upset or even arrange a tantrum. Invite him to choose products from the range that you usually buy. Let him decide for himself what taste this time you will buy yogurt. Explain to the baby that each family member has their own taste preferences, then he will be able to choose products for mom and dad.

How to prevent the development of hysteria?

If you plan to go shopping, it is best to leave the child at home with relatives (husband, grandmother), perhaps hire a nanny for several hours. In this case, the problem will easily disappear on its own. However, if this is not possible, then you should use the tips below.

Nowadays, almost all major shopping centers are equipped with special children's entertainment rooms and entire towns. In them, you can leave the crumbs for some time under the supervision of specially trained animators and spend time shopping quietly. The child will be well in the company of other children and animators.

If the child is still very small to leave him in the playrooms, then it is worth trying to find time for shopping in the morning, when there are very few people. Thus, you can save the baby from many annoying factors: noise, a large number of people.

Also, the child can be involved in the shopping process. To do this, you can make a list of the necessary products and other things that you plan to purchase in advance with him. You can ask him to put purchases in a basket or put them on a tape. This process will captivate the baby. Older children will enjoy compiling a list with their parents. If the baby still does not know how to write, you can ask him to draw those products that need to be bought.

If the child still began to ask for something from the assortment of numerous store counters, you can discuss how much this thing is necessary for the baby. Perhaps the crumbs already have a similar machine, or grandmother just promised to buy a new doll in the coming visit.

How to deal with children's tantrums: instructions

Do not go shopping with your baby, of course, the perfect solution to the problem. But you need to learn how to deal with tantrums and try to prevent them with all your strength, if the crumbs are in a crowded place, where there are many strangers. What do I need to do?

• Mom must learn to anticipate the beginning of a tantrum. That is, to capture the moment when ordinary indignation or indignation can turn into a whole scene with a crying picture. If the baby is upset or his mood has spoiled, he begins to whimper over the little things and in this state the baby will be refused, tantrums can not be avoided. It is necessary to try to switch his attention to some interesting subject, to a person passing by.Perhaps the child will be distracted from the cherished toy and the tantrum will not begin;
• If the baby already knows the concepts of “expensive” and “inexpensive”, you can offer instead of an expensive toy to buy another, cheaper. This method may work. Some mothers take with them to the store a certain amount, which is enough only for current purchases. Seeing an empty wallet, many children understand that without money they can’t buy anything and stop the tantrum;

History: “I have a good“ pass ”this way. My child, who is more than three, already knows the words “expensive” and “inexpensive”, and when he asks for a collectible car for 1000 rubles, I say that we can’t afford such an expensive thing, but, for example, this truck for 100 rubles I can buy you. It works at a time. Another option: take a limited amount of money with you and show your child an empty wallet at the end. “Mom has no money,” we also learned this phrase a long time ago. ”

• If the tantrum has begun, the baby must definitely explain that screaming and crying is not the best way to solve problems. Be sure to show him his dissatisfaction with such behavior. You can try to ignore hysterical states. A child who sees that no one pays attention to his cry will soon get tired of such performances;

Important tip! Every mother should remember, if the baby cries for a long time, cannot stop on its own, ignoring it can lead to a serious nervous breakdown. In this case, you must definitely intervene and calm the baby.

• Also, the mother should teach the child to express her emotions calmly without tantrums. We must try to explain that discontent can be shown in ordinary words. For example: “I'm so unhappy that I can't get it” or “I'm so angry.” Such a civilized way of expressing emotions may please the baby;
• You can take your favorite toy from home, let him go shopping with her. If he asks to buy something, tell him: why? You already have a toy! Why new?
• Try to behave the same with every tantrum that appears. If the kid realized that in the store such things do not help to achieve what he wants, he can try to repeat them on the street or at home. You must adhere to one tactic. If this happened in a crowded place, the child must be taken away or even carried away in his arms to some quiet, calm place, where, in the intervals between crying, he should be explained again that he is doing wrong and will not achieve anything by such behavior;
• Promise that you will come, for example, to a cafe or to the playground after the store, but subject to good behavior.

We also read: 2 types of tantrums in children and the correct reaction of parents

What to do if a tantrum starts

What to do if all of the above techniques did not help and the baby continues to scream and cry?

1. Never succumb to provocations. You can’t buy the toy required by the cries, weep, even if you yourself planned to purchase it. The child should know that by such behavior he will not get anything from you. Beware of securing this victory in the mind of the baby. Show by your appearance that it is useless to conduct a conversation with you in this manner.
2. Keep calm, do not scream or spank the child, you can even lower your voice. Calmly and strictly say that you will not buy anything with this behavior, ask to put the goods in place.
3. If the hysteria continues, repeat your request and say that you are leaving the store, because you can’t behave like this, it prevents other customers.
4. With the ongoing tantrum, really turn around and leave. Stop so that the child is within sight. Perhaps he will follow you with the toy.
5. Ask him to put her back in place and warn that the guard will not allow you to take something without paying, and you will not pay for it.If the child refuses to return the toy to its place, leave other purchases and leave the store without them (try not to let the child out of sight, this is unsafe). Wait until the child follows you, also leaving the toy on the shelf, or the guard will pick it up.
6. If the child categorically does not go with you, you will have to take him out of the store in your arms and clarify the situation already on the street.

Never scold the baby, do not call a crybaby, do not blame the bad manners. He simply did not learn to cope with the surging emotions and, most likely, having started the performance, he simply could not calm down in time. At this point, you need to show how mom loves and understands him.

On the street, take the child to the side, if the baby does not calm down, hug, sympathize with him. Explain that you also wanted to buy him this toy, but so far it does not work (for example, there is no money). Try to convey to the child that mom is also upset. She could not fulfill his request, but this is no reason to offend her herself with such behavior. Once the tears have dried, distract the child. It can be any trifle: a bird flying past or a plane, a beautiful car or another kid in bright clothes. Thus, you will make it clear to the child that hysteria is not a way out of difficult situations and next time, maybe, it will turn out to buy what he wants.

When should I contact a psychologist

In some situations, uncontrolled hysterical conditions require the intervention of specialists: neurologists and psychologists. A doctor’s consultation will be required in the following cases:

• the baby is more than 4 years old, and tantrums continue, they become more frequent;
• the child has bouts of aggression;
• during this condition, the child's skin turns blue, he begins to suffocate;
• in the period of uncontrolled emotions, the child does physical harm to himself;
• hysterical conditions are accompanied by insomnia, nightmares;
• after the end of the tantrum, the child is lethargic and tired;
• after a long cry, the baby opens up vomiting or involuntary urination.

A neurologist will prescribe some studies that will help identify neurological problems in the baby. If health is good, then the cause of the deterioration may be family conflicts and especially family relationships. In this case, the baby should be shown to a pediatric psychologist or psychotherapist. After a thorough examination, a specialist can prescribe medication to adjust the mental condition of the crumbs.

Most likely, these will be light sedatives. Perhaps the appointment of herbal decoctions, baths and homeopathic remedies. The dosage and time of treatment are prescribed by the doctor. Relief may occur immediately after the first days of admission, but treatment cannot be discontinued on your own.

We also read:

• 9 tips on how to correctly refuse a child to purchase
• 6 tips for avoiding childhood tantrums at the grocery store
• Spoiled child: how to understand that the child is spoiled, and how to re-educate him

Psychologist's advice

In the fight against tantrums, hardness is the main method. The kid should not feel that with the help of tantrums exert an effect on you. He must know that you will not change your mind, no matter how he behaves. With each such attack, the mother's behavior should be the same. Thus, the baby will understand that his scandals are ineffective. Calmly and confidently, mom should insist.

If the hysteria still started, try to stay calm. Do not be angry, do not slap a child, do not push them off the shelves, do not shout at him - this will only add oil to the fire and will upset the baby even more. At this moment, it is worth hugging the baby and recall the basic rules of behavior. Explain that if he does not calm down, you will have to leave without buying anything. If this does not help, take the baby in your arms and leave. Say that the next shopping trip can be carried out, on another day, when he will behave well.

In conclusion, I would like to warn young parents: there is no need to be afraid of hysterical conditions if they do not cause harm to health. If you can’t deal with tantrums yourself, you need to seek professional help. Using proven methods, specialists will teach the baby to cope with their emotions and control their condition.

Psychologist Irina Dedele

During a child’s hysteria, the main problem for parents is not a child’s cry, but the reaction of others. Agree that at home in the same situation when there are no observers, you feel much more confident and calmer.

So, if a scandal erupted on the street, your main, although not very simple task is to imagine that there is no one around. Try to pay less attention to what others will think about your “scandalous” child and about you as a “bad-luck” mother. After all, you are unfamiliar with these people and you will never see them again!

A public scandal is most often designed precisely for the fact that you are scared, will try to calm a raging child by any means - just to look good in the eyes of others. It is enough to succumb to it once, and demonstrations will begin to repeat with depressing regularity.

If you want to protect yourself from this, take courage and show firmness.

We also read:how to deal with childhood hysteria: psychologist's advice

From the forums

Sometimes you observe such a scene in a store — a child rolls around on the floor and yells “buy”, and the poor mom sizzles at him and is ready to fall through the ground ... How do you deal with situations such as without victims for both a child and a wallet to leave the store?

– Malvinka: Before I go to the store, I warn my son that if he’s acting up in the store, he won’t go with me anymore - that’s enough for him! And if all of a sudden he insists on a whole basket of chocolates, then I warn either those that I will allow or will come out altogether with an empty basket. Once already there was such a practice - the son no longer wants to go empty-handed !!!

– Elena: I tell my front of the store that we are going for groceries, and we will only have money for groceries, if we buy toys or sweets, we will have nothing to eat, and I also advise him on what kind of sausage to take, what kind of butter or cheese, everything is business like me gives, and I still tell him that so dad helps me, and when he is not, she is for him.

– Anastasia: The main thing is to correctly inform the child in advance, and more importantly, ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR STATEMENTS AND MAKE PROMISES !!! if before you went to the store you told the child that you wouldn’t buy anything and if he would ask, but in the end, after his rolled up hysteria, you just buy him to shut up, then this is inevitable! he will always try to achieve everything with tears.

– Mum: Immediately I occupy the child’s hands with something (juice, a small toy - you can take it from home). With hysteria, she left the store without shopping. What to do, such an age.

– Hamingjusamura:I tried to hysteria at the same age in my store .. I calmly said that if I don’t stop, I won’t get anything at all, we’ll leave without shopping ... the child continued ... I put the basket where I was standing, took the child by the scruff of my neck and brought it out of the store without buying anything so dragged by the scruff to the house. I have never hysteria.

Shopping in online stores as an alternative

An excellent outlet for shopping for toys, clothes and other necessary things can be online store of children's goods. Mom’s mother’s half an hour at the computer, a couple of days for delivery, and at the doorstep there is a package with a purchase for the baby, and all the temptations of the toy shelves in this case are absent, and for parents this is a significant savings not only in time but also in money (after all, it’s likely that a real store would have to buy something else very “necessary” for a child 🙂