Crisis 3 years: its symptoms and what to do to parents

Yesterday, your baby was so gentle and obedient, but today he arranges tantrums, is rude for any reason, categorically refuses to fulfill his mother's requests. What happened to him? Most likely, the child entered the so-called crisis of three years. Agree, it sounds impressive. But how can adults react to such childish behavior and what should parents do to be tired of whims?

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What you need to know about the crisis of three years?

In psychological literature, a crisis of three years is called a special, relatively short in time life period of a child, which is characterized by significant changes in his mental development. The crisis does not necessarily occur on the third birthday, the average age of occurrence is from 2.5 to 3.5 years.

"I do not want! I won’t! Do not! I myself! ”

The stubborn period begins with about 1.5 years.

As a rule, this phase ends by 3.5-4 years.

The peak of stubbornness falls on 2.5-3 years.

Boys are more stubborn than girls.

Girls are naughty, more often than boys.

In the crisis period, bouts of obstinacy and moodiness occur in children 5 times a day. Some - up to 19 times.

A crisis - this is the restructuring of the child, his growing up.

The duration and severity of the manifestations of emotional reactions largely depend on the temperament of the child, the family style of upbringing, and especially the relationship between mother and baby. Psychologists are sure that the more authoritarian the relatives behave, the brighter and more acute the crisis is. By the way, it may increase with the start of the visit. kindergarten.

If recently parents did not understand how to teach children independence, now there are too many of them. Phrases “I myself”, “I want / I don't want” heard regularly.

The child is aware of himself as a separate person, with his own desires and needs. This is the most important neoplasm of this age crisis. Thus, for such a difficult period, not only conflicts with mother and father are characteristic, but also the emergence of a new quality - self-awareness.

And yet, despite the apparent maturity, the baby does not understand how to get recognition and approval from parents. Adults continue to treat the child as if they were small and unconscious, but for him he is already independent and large. And such injustice makes him rebel.

7 key signs of a crisis

In addition to the desire for independence, the three-year crisis has other characteristic symptoms that make it impossible to confuse it with poor behavior and harmful children.

1. Negativism

Negativism forces the baby to oppose not only his mother's, but also his own desire. For example, parents offer to go to the zoo, and the baby categorically refuses, although he really wants to see animals. The fact is that offers come from adults.

One should distinguish between disobedience and negative reactions. Naughty children act in accordance with their desires, which often go against the wishes of their parents. By the way, negativity is often selective: the child does not fulfill the requests of an individual person, most often of mother, and behaves as before with the rest.

Tip:

You should not talk to children in a commanding tone. If the child is negative towards you, give him the opportunity to calm down and move away from excessive emotions. Sometimes requests and vice versa help: “Don’t get dressed, today we won’t go anywhere”.

2. Stubbornness

Stubbornness is often confused with perseverance. However, perseverance is a useful volitional quality that allows the little man to achieve the goal, despite the difficulties. For example, to finish building a house of cubes, even if it falls apart.

Stubbornness is distinguished by the desire of the baby to stand his ground to the end only because he has already demanded this once. Suppose you called your son to dinner, but he refuses. You start to convince, and he answers: “I already said that I will not eat, so I won’t”.

Tip:

Do not try to convince the baby, because you will deprive him of a chance to get out of dignity from a predicament. A possible way out is to say that you leave the food on the table, and he will be able to eat when he is hungry. This method is best used only during a crisis.

3. Despotism

Most often, this symptom occurs in families with a single baby. He is trying to get his mother and father to do what he wants. For example, a daughter requires her mother to be with her all the time. If there are several children in a family, then despotic reactions are manifested as jealousy: the baby screams, stomps, pushes, takes away toys from his brother or sister.

Tip:

Do not give in to manipulations. And at the same time, try to pay more attention to children. They should realize that parental attention can be attracted without scandals and tantrums. Bring the baby to household chores - cook dinner for dad together.

4. Depreciation symptom

For a child, the value of old attachments disappears - to people, beloved dolls and cars, books, rules of conduct. Suddenly, he begins to break toys, tear books, call names or make faces in front of his grandmother, utter rudeness. Moreover, the child’s vocabulary is constantly expanding, replenished, including, and various bad and even indecent words.

Tip:

Try to distract the children with other toys. Instead of cars, take care of the designer, instead of books, choose drawing. More often consider pictures on the topic: how to behave with other people. Just do not read moralizing, it is better to lose the child’s reactions to the role-playing games that disturb you.

5. Obstinacy

This unpleasant symptom of a crisis is impersonal. If negativity concerns a specific adult, then obstinacy is aimed at the usual way of life, at all the actions and objects that relatives offer the child. Often it occurs in families in which there are disagreements on the issue of education between mom and dad, parents and grandmother. The kid simply ceases to fulfill any requirements.

Tip:

If the baby does not want to clean up the toys right now, engage him in other activities - for example, draw. And in a few minutes you will find that he himself will begin to put the cars in the basket, without your reminder.

6. Riot

A three-year-old child tries to prove to adults that his desires are as valuable as their own. Because of this, he goes into conflict for any reason. It seems that the baby is in a state of undeclared "war" with others, protesting against each of their decisions: "I do not want and I will not!".

Tip:

Try to stay calm, friendly, listen to children's opinions. However, insist on your decision when it comes to child safety: "You can not play with the ball on the roadway!".

7. Self-will

Self-will is manifested in the fact that children strive for independence, regardless of the specific situation and their own capabilities. The child wants to independently buy any product in the store, pay at the cash register, cross the road without holding onto his grandmother's hand. It is not surprising that such desires do not cause much delight in adults.

Tip:

Let the baby do what he wants to do. If he fulfills what he wants, he will receive invaluable experience; if he fails, he will do it next time. Of course, this applies only to situations that are absolutely safe for children.

Video consultation: Crisis 3 Years, 8 manifestations of the crisis. What parents need to know

What should parents do?

First of all, adults need to understand that children's behavior is not a bad heredity or harmful character. Your child is already big and wants to become independent. It's time to build a new relationship with him.

React carefully and calmly. It should be remembered that the baby by his actions checks the parental nerves for strength and looks for weaknesses that can be pressed. Also, do not shout, break down on children, and even more so punish physically - tough methods can aggravate and prolong the course of the crisis (Why you can not spank a child - 6 reasons).
Set reasonable limits. No need to kill the life of a small person with all sorts of prohibitions. However, you should not go to the other extreme, otherwise, because of permissiveness, you risk raising a tyrant. Find the "middle ground" - reasonable boundaries that you absolutely can not cross. For example, it is forbidden to play on the road, walk in cold weather without a hat, and miss a nap.
Encourage independence. Everything that does not pose a danger to children's life, a child can try to do, even if several circles are broken in the process of cognition (To punish or not a child for accidental misconduct?) Baby wants to paint on the wallpaper? Attach a Whatman to the wall and give some markers. Showing genuine interest in a washing machine? A small basin with warm water and doll clothes for a long time will distract from tricks and whims.
Give the right to choose. Parental wisdom suggests giving even a three-year-old baby the opportunity to choose from at least two options. For example, do not pull on your outer clothing forcibly, but offer to go outside in a green or red jacket :). Of course, you still make serious decisions, but in unprincipled things you can concede.

How to cope with the vagaries and tantrums?

In most cases, the poor behavior of three-year-olds - moods and hysterical reactions - is aimed at attracting parental attention and getting the desired thing. What should mom do during a crisis of three years to avoid constant tantrums?

During an affective flash, it is useless to explain something to the baby. It’s worth the wait until he calms down. If the tantrum caught in a public place, try to take away from the "public" and distract children's attention. Remember what cat you saw in the yard, how many sparrows were sitting on a branch in front of the house.
Outbursts of anger try to smooth out the game. The daughter doesn’t want to eat - sit next to the doll, let the girl feed her. However, soon the toy will get tired of eating alone, so one spoon for the doll, and the second for the baby (watch the video at the end of the article).
To prevent moods and tantrums during a crisis, learn to negotiate with children before any action begins.For example, before going shopping, agree on the impossibility of acquiring an expensive toy. Try to explain why you can not buy this machine. And be sure to ask what the baby would like in return, offer your own version of entertainment.

To minimize the manifestation of tantrums and moodsnecessary:

remain calm without showing irritation;
provide the child with attention and care;
invite the baby to choose a way to solve the problem ("What would you do in my place?");
find out the reason for this behavior;
postpone the conversation until the scandal ends.

READ DETAILS: How to deal with childhood hysteria: advice from a psychologist

After reading our article, some parents will say that they did not observe such negative manifestations in their three-year-old children. Indeed, sometimes a crisis of three years proceeds without obvious symptoms. However, the main thing in this period is not how it goes, but what it can lead to. A sure sign of the normal development of a child’s personality at this age stage is the emergence of such psychological qualities as perseverance, will and self-confidence.

Thus, a crisis of three years is absolutely normal for a growing child, which will help him become an independent person. And another important point - the more trusting and softer the relationship between the baby and the mother, the easier it will go through this stage. The irritation, categorization and cries of adults will only exacerbate the negative behavior of the child.

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