Spoiled child: how to re-educate a spoiled child

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All parents once begin to worry about whether they inadvertently spoiled their child. It is easy to determine this - you just need to observe his behavior and reactions to circumstances. Nevertheless, each of us wants to become an ideal parent for our child, to grow him as a cultured, educated person, adapted to life in modern society. Unfortunately, such an idyllic picture is possible only in the movies. In life, even the most sensitive parents are not able to take into account the development of all events. Each of us is deeply individual, so it remains only to show the children the way to how to behave themselves and respond to specific life situations.

Today I would like to discuss with you an urgent problem for many parents - how to re-educate a spoiled child, find out the signs and reasons for spoiling, and in this article I will give you useful tips that will help to control this issue.

I was prompted to study this topic by an incident that occurred after the return of my oldest daughter from the sea, where she spent a month with her grandparents. Everything would be fine, only she came home a completely different person. The daughter became always dissatisfied, she is naughty, requires something, and with scandals and tantrumswho really guarded me. At first, I attributed the changes in her behavior to ordinary fatigue after a long journey. After all, even an adult can tire a few days in a car, and we are talking about a child. Only days passed, but nothing changed.

On my own, I could not find the answers to my questions, so I decided to read articles and books. As a result, I nevertheless determined for myself clear signs of a spoiled child. Now I will share them with you.

Signs of a Spoiled Baby

On walks, parents often observe such pictures: children manipulate their moms and dads, throw loud tantrums, emotionally require to buy a toy in the store, all this with screams, tears, and some kids even fall to the floor and pound on it with their fists. It may sound selfish, but such scenes have always amused me.I began to be proud of my children, because they themselves do not allow this. On the contrary, they are very polite and calm in public places. If my children want something, and I notice an impending “thunderstorm,” I will calm them down pretty quickly.

However, it was this problem that I had to face in the first days after my daughter’s vacation. Such scenes took place with us, and my daughter also began to snap back. I understood: the child is spoiled, so he needs to be re-educated urgently.

The signs of spoiling children are different, it must be borne in mind that they depend on the age of the child. What is acceptable for 3 year olds is not acceptable for first graders. Therefore, having noticed one or more of the signs of spoiling (which are lower), try to adequately assess the behavior of your child. If you can, attract friends and acquaintances to express their point of view from the outside. This will help to get a more complete picture and evaluate how the problem is running.

So, by what signs can we understand that the child is spoiled?

Rolling tantrums

All parents are faced with children's tantrums. Each child has his own character, but a very small baby can only express emotions and show what he feels in this way. If the problem becomes global, the child is happy concerts in stores, in public transport, away, because of little things, not knowing the measure, and he is already over 4 years old, this can be safely called a child’s hysteria.

We also read: How to deal with childhood hysteria: advice from a psychologist

Constant irritation

Even new toys or candies are not able to permanently change the mood of the child. He wants more, more and more. And it is desirable that he just saw someone else. Yeah, this is all a sure sign of incipient envy.

Lack of basic skills and generally non-self-reliant

At each age, the child must have certain skills and be able to perform certain actions. So, at 4 years old, it is natural to eat with a spoon without the help of adults, put on a T-shirt and pants on your own. If the first grader has no idea where to put his toys, how to fold his clothes, and adults are forced to constantly remind him to brush his teeth, this is unacceptable. Try at each stage of the development of the child to invest in it new knowledge and to form habits aimed at self-service, the development of self-discipline. Most often, it is weak development in these areas that distinguishes a spoiled child from a well-bred child.

We also read: What a child should be able to do in front of a kindergarten - 4 useful skills

Manipulates

This is another sure sign that the child is spoiled. He can resort to the most sophisticated ways to achieve what he wants. Is going lies, attempts to put parents in an awkward position, demonstrative behavior - the baby deliberately begins to cry, scream, hysterically. Matured children resort to outright blackmail.

We also read: Little manipulators: how to respond to the tricks of the child? 10 most successful childhood phrases

Too often attracted the attention of others

You yourself, in principle, can indulge as you please the whims of your child. But surrounding people do not have to endure this. And the argument, “He is a child!” does not work. This is not “he is a child”, but “you spoiled him”.

Greedy

This symptom, like everyone else, depends on age. For a 3-4 year old child, greed is a normal quality; an understanding of one's own and that of another is not yet formed. If there is a clear problem, when the baby is sorry to treat loved ones with even one small candy, although he has a whole bag of them, it's time to think about the reasons for this behavior. It is likely that the whole thing is spoiled.

We also read: My child is a greedy - what to do? Fight or put up? Reasons for childhood greed

Constantly dissatisfied

The fact that the child is dissatisfied with everything has become one of our main problems after the holidays. This was manifested in almost everything.Not so prepared porridge, not the one put the chair, not the one bought the toy, not the one gave the toothpaste. Claims and whims simply had no end. Whatever I offered my daughter, she was not happy with everything. My patience was already running out, but in the end I realized that this behavior is very far from ideal. The inability to reach a compromise is a huge problem, due to which relations deteriorate and a feeling of hopelessness arises. Do not lose sight of this symptom.

Snaps

If the baby began to be rude and snarl, it means that you have ceased to be authority for him. He began to think that he deserved more, and parental opinion is not so important. Stop any opportunities to be rude to you and to any person in general. Uneducated children show disrespect for elders and communicate with them on an equal footing, and this is no longer childish requests.

We also read: Why are children rude

Not listening

This sign of spoiling is the most controversial of all possible. Children are naughty by nature - this is due to their age and development. They simply still cannot always understand the true state of things. And you can’t train a baby like an animal so that he fulfills every desire of an adult. So for children it’s natural not to obey adults, but there should be a measure. “Do not go to the stove, it is hot, so it will hurt” and “go home, tomorrow you will play with children in the sandbox” - these are completely different things. In the second case, if the child does not obey, it is entirely possible that he is simply trying to prolong the fun. In the first situation, disobedience to parents does not bode well.

We also read: What if the child does not obey you?

Does not want to help

From a certain age, the child should already have his own responsibilities in the family. It is important, given the possibilities of the child, to accustom him to help loved ones, to be responsive. If the child does not want to do anything at all, doesn’t put away the toys, does not make the bed, refuses to wash the plate after himself, it is necessary to explain the rules of behavior to him. Laziness, indifference to everything around, are sure signs of spoiling. No wonder they say that labor ennobles.

We also read:

Inability to play alone

It can be of two types. The first is when the child is just too lazy to invent something for himself and he needs to be "entertained". The second is when he just needs constant attention and approval. Both options are a sign that he is spoiled.

Irresponsible

Not only an adult, but also a more or less older child is required to bear responsibility for their own actions. He must have a clear understanding that, if he is now scattering toys, then he should remove them. If he smears a white T-shirt, he will go dirty, so he can be called a slut. The main thing is to talk with the child, explain everything to the smallest detail, show a causal relationship so that he consciously performs actions and understands what they can lead to.

Misunderstanding of the word “no”

Perhaps the surest sign of spoiling. Moreover, for each “not allowed”Such children react with tantrums, screams and other not very pleasant emotional manifestations.

“Barter Relations”

Spoiled children will not do anything just like that - only in return for something that they personally need. Help around the house? Only in exchange for a toy. Do not throw a tantrum in the store - only if they buy what he wants.

You are ashamed of your child

If you are often ashamed of your child, if he puts you in an embarrassing position and upsets you, if you notice at least one sign of spoiling, you need to seriously think about its causes.

We also read: 12 signs of a spoiled child

5 tantrums of spoiled children filmed on camera

Why a child becomes spoiled - the main reasons

Most often, the only child in the family becomes spoiled.If there are brothers or sisters, this disciplines and pacifies ardor. The attention of mothers, fathers, grandparents is shared between all children - with the exception of those rare families in which there are pets;
If the couple did not manage to give birth to the baby for a long time, but finally it happened, it becomes long-awaited. A lot of attention is paid to him, he is overly patronized, although he may not be the first and not only child in the family;
The roots of spoiling can also lie in the difference in education. Mom and Dad must adhere to the same views on this matter. It is also worth discussing with your grandparents the rules for communicating with the baby in order to avoid disagreements;
Lack of control and rules in the upbringing. There is a system of parenting in which the child is given freedom of action and choice. On the other hand, permissiveness, especially at a young age, giving the baby to himself, leaving him alone with his problems and experiences, does not bode well. Mom and Dad should participate in the life of their child and guide him on the right path until he grows up. You need to allow yourself to learn from your mistakes, but no more. The child must understand that there is a word "necessary";
Lack of attention. Sometimes, for certain reasons, parents do not give back to their child of love and care. One is hindered by work, employment, while others simply do not want to deal with the baby, because there are more interesting activities. To compensate for the lack of attention, parents allow their child more than necessary, give him many gifts. At the same time, the nanny instructs the baby, who educates him already according to her own principles, and the child’s spoiling cares little for her.

What future awaits a person who is spoiled in childhood

Psychologists are convinced that spoiled children, growing up, cannot fully adapt to the outside world, the norms and rules of behavior existing in society. If a child grows up under the wing of parents who protect him, defend his interests, then in adult life all this will not happen anymore. The world is cruel, and no one will indulge its whims, desires and requirements. It will be very easy for a person to insult and offend, and he will begin to take everything that is said to him too close to his heart. The world for him will be incomprehensible, cruel and hostile.

The upbringing given by the parents will not be able to shield this person from the realities, and this will affect his emotional state. As it turned out, spoiled children, growing up, have low resistance to stress, are more likely to encounter psychological problems, depression, self-digging, complexes. They also allow themselves too much without taking into account current opportunities - this applies to money, and health, and other areas of life.

However, other studies show that some of the spoiled children in adulthood became quite successful. Moreover, their success did not depend on the financial well-being of parents or other relatives. They did everything on their own. All this is due to unshakable self-confidence, parental support, lack of fear of uncertainty. These qualities are possessed by babies who are under the auspices of their parents who adore them. However, these studies can be treated quite skeptically. You can educate a self-confident person with love and support, but at the same time give him knowledge about real life, and not indulge with or without.

How to re-educate a spoiled child

Finally, we can answer the main question of this article. It is important to follow all the recommendations and act comprehensively, and try to do everything smoothly and gradually. Take this matter seriously, do not give up attempts to re-educate your child halfway, show firmness of character. Be balanced and fair, calm and patient, do not yell at the child. If the baby is already very spoiled and accustomed to his condition, it will take much more time than in the case of children “spoiled” recently under the influence of certain circumstances (for example, like mine).

State your thoughts and requests clearly and clearly, in a language that the child understands. These should be exactly requests, in no case orders. Argument your decision, even if you don’t like it. In your speech, firmness and adherence should be felt. Let your baby know that your decision is final and is no longer negotiable;
Discipline your child. Make an approximate daily routine, setting out the time for lifting, eating, exercising, walking, having fun and hanging out. Follow the regimen daily and talk about it with your child. Explain to him what benefit he will receive if he follows the daily routine. If he will object, show firmness;
Be consistent in your actions and actions. If you have made a promise to a child, be sure to fulfill it, if you have been punished or forbidden by something, stand your ground until the problem is resolved;
Think of certain household chores for the baby - to feed the dog, make the bed, wipe the dust. However, consider age and development;
If spoiling manifests itself in a public place (for example, in a store, a child throws a tantrum, demanding some kind of toy), hold back and do not yell at the baby, do not slap on the pope. Just take him to a quiet place and calmly explain why you will not buy what he asks. If the tantrum does not end, try to remain calm, do not respond to provocation, leave. No need to indulge the child, otherwise he will quickly realize that parents can be manipulated. Stay unshakable. Have a strict and serious conversation at home, threaten that next time you won’t take the child with you to the store;
Consider what exactly led to the unwanted behavior. The child becomes spoiled for various reasons, they can be very individual. First, find out what triggered the problem in your case, and then start re-education.

In conclusion, I would like to note that children are the best that happens in the life of parents. Not always everything goes smoothly, sometimes we miss the moment when the baby becomes uncontrollable. But it all depends on us adults. At any time, you can correct the situation by taking it under your control. However, do not forget that the child is an individual with his own character, which is still not worth breaking.