Bad advice: how to raise a child insecure

Content

Self-doubt, restraint and closure are often from childhood. These disturbing feelings are strong enough to harm the mental health of a person, make him constantly have doubts, solving vital issues. It is difficult to live fully, to reveal your abilities and to realize yourself, if you try to find approval from the outside all the time, endlessly criticize yourself and struggle with yourself.

And then, as a result, an unsuccessful choice of a partner, work, disappointment in oneself and in life, mental illness. If each of us was born and grew up somewhere on a desert island, where there is no one to compare ourselves with, no one to rely on, no need to try to be better, then the concept of uncertainty did not exist for us. But this is impossible, man is not an isolated creature, we all live in society, accept its rules and strive for the best.

Bad advice

Self-doubt is a person’s underestimation of their capabilities and abilities. Parents do not always notice manifestations of uncertainty in the baby. This is due to the fact that it can be hidden behind other features: aggression, irritability, isolation, anxiety. Often insecure, shy children can irritate pets and loved ones. Having matured, such children understand that they have achieved nothing in life, demonstrate evil to others, blaming them for all troubles.

If you nevertheless decided that a feeling of uncertainty would not be superfluous in your child, follow the most harmful advice.

Criticize the child

Criticize the baby constantly, tell him what he did wrong, and be sure to focus on every slip. If he has not yet learned to do something, then regularly poke him with his nose, shame. Does not know how to walk on the potty, terribly, scold and say that all normal children already know how to do it and only those like him still pee in their pants. In general, compare the child more with other children, let him know that if something happens you will take a new one.

It is even better if your indefatigable criticism will be in a public place, in the presence of as many people as possible, and, very perfectly, if among friends and relatives. Allow to scold and criticize your child to outsiders, any, but a lesson.

Be sure to use in the direction of the children such words as “loser”, “stupid”, “mediocrity” and other similar phrases. Try to drive not only into him, but also into your head that nothing good will grow out of the child, he will not learn anything.

Do not give an alternative, why praise the child, let him praise himself, you definitely do not need it.

Do not show enthusiasm or praise for small achievements. He drew a nice picture, tried, spent a lot of time to give it to you, so what. That will become a famous talented painter, then approve of his kalyak-malyaki.

Who is the main

Always tell your child your place, do not give voting rights and your own opinion, he is small and can not decide anything on his own. Choose for him clothes, toys and activities, write to the section of your choice. What does he even understand there.

All that he does for you is his duty as a child, so gratitude is superfluous.

Never let us argue with you, or give you advice.

Do not think that your child can do something on his own, meddle in his affairs and give a lot of advice, who no matter how you know better how to proceed.

Who's guilty

At every opportunity, tell the child that he is to blame. In the speech, use the pronoun "you" instead of "I". Feel the difference: “I don’t really like that you’re returning late from a walk”, “I was upset to learn that you got the top three” and “you are careless, you go to work all the time”, “you are a vile triple, you can’t study normally ". This is a great way of humiliation, hidden behind well-meaning.

If you yourself made a mistake, spilled it, broke it, lost it, boldly blame the eyes of other household members on the child who will believe him.

Appearance

Do not hide flaws in the child’s appearance from the child, point out to protruding ears, loose hair, crooked teeth without cheating. If you have a girl, act even harder. Let him know that they will definitely not marry her.

You can tell the child that the appearance is not important for life, but do not say anything, what is still important.

Do not pay attention to the clothes of the baby, do not try to please him.

Perfection

Grow a perfectionist. Demand that the child must do everything by five. You should not be satisfied with fours, second places. No - to failures and mistakes, only forward. Every time a child doesn’t succeed, show your wild disappointment to them. If everything worked out, do not be proud of him and do not praise him, let this be an incentive to become even better.

Repeat each slip many times, do not forget to repeat that you warned him. Teach you not to take initiative, it is punishable, if it does not know how, then even if it does not try. You do not need extra frustration.

Words did not give

Do not give your child the right to explain the reasons for actions and actions; interrupt, negotiate and conceive for him yourself more, stopping attempts to correct you. Do not keep secrets, feel free to tell everyone what the child wanted to hide. This will deprive him of even the thought of trusting you and destroy the initiative.

Your opinion

Your word is law, impose it on your child. “I know better,” “do as I said,” are the most acceptable phrases. Be illogical and inconsistent. He brought home five, scold, there is nothing to be an upstart, let it give other children the opportunity to prove themselves. Do not forget the next time to do everything exactly the opposite.

Irony, forget about sincerity, laugh when the child apologizes.

Liabilities

Always firmly demand to fulfill all obligations and keep your word, do not do it yourself, you are an adult, you can change your mind. Promise to punish and forget, let them torment and think about behavior. They said that you would definitely go to the circus, but you did not want to, well, okay, stay home, let him take himself.

Demand more from day to day, do not pay attention if your child has absolutely no time left not only for games and recreation, but even for study. Nothing, let it get used to, life is not a simple thing. Do not think that the task may be overwhelming, this is not your concern, let it strive for excellence.

friendship

Forbid to be friends with children that you do not like, let communication with peers does not interfere with learning and doing household chores, exclude him to the maximum. Do not mentally prepare the child for kindergarten or school, let him adapt himself. Explain as much as possible that most people get into trouble, the fewer people get closer to themselves, the better. Replenish the baggage of stereotypes for the child. Teach to envy others.

For birthdays and other children's holidays, invite only adults, children of what good will damage your repairs and expensive dishes.

Time

There is not enough time for the baby, nothing, in the old days in families with a dozen children they somehow grew up, and yours will grow up. If your conscience is very worried, pay off. Gifts, branded clothing. Let him then not say that you did not give him anything in childhood.

Screams, punishments

Nothing can relieve your nervous strain like a heart-rending cry for a guilty child. He certainly will not answer you the same, so do not worry about the consequences. The child is not guilty, nothing, fall on him, if you feel bad, let him forgive.

Beat the child, this is the most effective way to kill all normal feelings in him, engender cruelty, and shut yourself in your own little world.

Of course, all of these tips are harmful. And the life of the child at the same time seems terrible. A normal parent strives to give the best to his child, but we are all not perfect and can make mistakes. It is important to recognize and correct them in time so as not to harm the baby's psyche. Psychologists say that a person is not born with a set of traits and qualities that can determine future self-doubt, only during communication and cognition of the world can we begin to doubt ourselves, be afraid to make decisions. The child receives the greatest experience in the family from his loved ones.

Self-doubt is often born in childhood and, like a splinter, sits in a person for many years. Help your child grow up calm, capable of self-esteem, believing in themselves and their abilities.

Develop confidence in the child

And finally, we offer classes in the form of an exciting game for the development of confidence in the child.

Our hero. Post a poster with a portrait of a child in one of the rooms, prepare stickers. Let every member of the family write on a sticker every day for a certain period of time, in which the baby is unique, what good he did in a day, what he succeeded in. The child himself can also describe himself. A finished poster can be hung in his bedroom, so that the child has the opportunity to remember in troubling moments that he is unique and talented;
Piggy bank of victories. Make a box with your child, decorate it to the taste of the baby. Suppose that every day, upon returning from a kindergarten or school, a child writes a small note, what he has achieved today, and throws it into a box, even if he records even the smallest victories. Five on the most difficult subject, a beautiful drawing, a victory in a sports competition, a pie prepared with mom, etc.
Agree the phrase. To find out how the child perceives praise and criticism from the outside, try to take the ball and throw the baby, saying only the beginning of the phrase “I can ...”, “I do perfectly ...”, “I am the best in ...”, “I want to know ...”, “I will learn ...” etc. Let the child continue each sentence;
Wizard. Imagine that you and your kid are wizards, you can turn and turn into animals and heroes of fairy tales and cartoons. Depict a character every time after turning. Watch the child in what images he likes to transform. If he is a tiger, a hero, a brave knight, then the baby wants to become bold, and if the child chooses inconspicuous roles, then he wants to remain in the shadows, he is inherently constrained.

Can be used personalized tales, where the main character is your child, copes with difficulties, wins and is not afraid of anything.

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