We teach our children to write and count, develop their creative abilities, engage in sports, make music ... We want our offspring to grow up as intelligent, honest, decent people. For this, we set all kinds of educational goals, use the latest techniques, and load with developmental activities. At the same time, we often forget about the qualities that really help our children to be successful, cheerful and happy. 3 valuable skills that you need to teach your children:
1. The ability to lose
In a desire to raise a person who knows how to achieve their goals, parents often go too far. Failures of the child are perceived by them as their own, and sometimes even more painfully. How? Neighboring Misha is already running, but mine still has not taken the first steps! The son received a four for the control, and the neighbor at the desk "5"!
We burden our child with exorbitant requirements, we want him to live up to our expectations and realize what we could not.
What is it like to feel that you cannot justify the hopes of those close to you? Even if the offspring studies in five, speaks fluent English and takes first places in sports, there will always be a child who is better in something.
By constant demands for success, we form the child’s inadequate self-esteem:
- She may be understatedwhen the baby feels that he is not coping, that the children around are more intelligent, strong, skilled. The world is perceived as something formidable and dangerous (we read about how to increase a child’s self-esteem).
- Or the child’s self-esteem is inadequately overestimated. Then he, following his parents, makes too high demands on himself. And his life turns into a race for leadership.
The reaction to losing in these children is also inadequate:
- The former feel guilty, which drives them into apathy or depression. Self-esteem suffers even more, the child perceives himself inept, stupid, awkward, ugly. Engaged in self-digging and self-flagellation.
- The latter, on the contrary, tend to blame others for their failures, including parents. It is very difficult for such children to recover from a loss, to admit defeat. They can become hardened and fixated on it.
The main reason for behavior in both cases is the inability and unwillingness to take responsibility for the events of one’s life.
How to teach a child to lose?
- Set a personal example of attitudes towards losing. Our children learn a lot from us, and they imitate more our actions and emotions, rather than words. When you don’t get something, how do you react to it? Can you worthily accept failure? Control your behavior, feelings, statements. Tell us how you experienced defeat in your childhood and how you felt. This will help to understand that failure can happen to everyone.But you can correct the mistakes and try again to achieve the desired;
- To love and accept a child. Both the baby and the teenager need to feel the unconditional support of the parents, even when he does not succeed. In this case, the fiasco will not be perceived as a global tragedy. Failures of life will be brightened up by parental love and respect. She will teach the child to value himself;
- Praise moderately and deservedly. Praise, oddly enough, a child can also be ruined. When for everything, no matter what the baby does, they praise him, an ideal picture of himself develops, which does not include failures. It is necessary to praise for the child’s specific actions, while not diminishing the merits of others. Instead “You painted the best!” better say “I really like your drawing!” We also read: How to encourage a child?
And then the child will understand and accept his responsibility for the defeat. And the loss will be perceived as an incentive to conquer new peaks, arouse interest in their development.
We also read:12 tips for raising a smart baby
How to teach a child to lose? - The psychologist Alla Slotvinskaya answers:
2. Love yourself and take care of yourself
Until a person loves himself, he cannot be happy and realize his potential. Very often it is in the family that the sources lie that the child cannot love himself. Parents by their comparisons with other children, discontent and criticism undermine the unconditional love of the baby for himself, which is inherent in everyone from birth. We project our complexes, installations and problems onto it.
A person who does not love himself is not able to take proper care of himself. In our society, it is accepted to treat ourselves as a secondary person. “I got sick - no, I’ll go to work anyway.” “I have work, children, a home - I have no time to play sports (go to the hospital, visit the theater).”
We live in constant stress, driving ourselves into such harsh conditions. We always achieve something, not having time to enjoy what we have. Many people suffer from this chronic fatigue, burnout syndrome.
We often pass on such attitudes to our children. How else? After all, a tired mother cannot convey her love to them, she simply does not have the strength to do this. Moreover, the eternally busy and preoccupied pope cannot do this.
We also read: 12 easy ways to show your child your love every day
Strength within us: this is our attitude and self-love. Stop for a moment, think: what is more important for you - everyday activities and worries, or inner harmony, love and happiness of children? A loving and accepting mother will teach how to take care of herself and her children.
How to teach a child to listen and hear his body:
- Let yourself and your body be studied. Do not mock if the child looks at himself in the mirror for a long time and meticulously, grimaces and makes faces. Encourage the desire to take care of yourself, to provide personal hygiene;
- Let your child set the boundaries of their personal space. Do not insist if the child limits your touch, kisses, hugs. Respect and accept his wishes;
- Do not force-feed your baby. In the future, this may lead to seizure of psychological problems and the cultivation of food (you’ll not be forcefully fed, or why you cannot force a child to eat through force);
- Allow sometimes to depart from the strict daily routine: let him feel tired or hungry - this is his choice;
- Pay attention to complaints about the baby’s well-being, monitor the state of his health. However, do not focus too much on ailments;
- Encourage physical activity: walk in the fresh air, play sports together.
And, of course, love yourself and your body, take care of it, and the baby will always have a positive example before his eyes.
3. Do not be afraid of mistakes
The lack of fear of error is closely related to the ability to lose. It is important that the child realizes: the one who does nothing is not mistaken.It is common for everyone to make mistakes; without this, it is impossible to learn new things. Let the baby understand that if he made a mistake, this does not mean that he is “bad”. Find what you can start from for correction. Learn to find the pros in a situation: “You learned to solve examples well, a little effort - and you will solve problems the same way.”
Tell your child that many great discoveries were made by chance. The scientist T. Edison said that he had no mistakes, he just found 10,000 ways that do not work.
Use magic words that encourage further action: “Great!”, “Let's try again!”.
We also read: The magic of speech, or what word is guaranteed to help you collaborate with your child
Your child will trust you if:
- He will know for sure that you accept him no matter what;
- He will see the parent as a person who was also mistaken and tried to improve, and not an ideal;
- He will feel your support, and not the fear that you will scold him.
Alas, not all adults have these valuable skills. Learn with your children, with your children. To be able to make mistakes and lose, love yourself and take care of your body. These qualities will help to become happy, to adequately perceive the hardships of life and overcome them with honor.
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I myself recently became a mother and realized how hard it is to keep track of a 2-year-old child who just learned to walk, barely speaks strange words. So I went to ask the forum if I am raising my child correctly and learn something new.