Parents of each child, wanting to educate him obediently, resort to various methods: explanations, punishments, beliefs and, of course, rewards. But in order to achieve truly worthy results, you need to know how to properly reward your baby. Can children be praised? Should money be used as a reward? How and for what actions should a child be praised?
We buy ice cream for children, if they are obedient, chocolate, if they behave quietly, sometimes even give out money if they bring good marks from school. We call them “good boy” or “good girl” if they do what pleases us. For modern and demanding parents, disciplinary methods of influence are already relics of the past. Why use a whip if you have a carrot on hand? Meanwhile, reward and praise conceal many tricky and sometimes insidious moments.
When rewards can harm a child
So that praise and reward stimulate the development of the child, make sure that they do not harm your relationship with him.
- Rewards force children to seek approval. Instead of enjoying the process of creativity or learning, they try to impress other people. Listening to the exclamations of the adoring grandmothers: “Good girl! The smartest child in the world! ” - the child runs the risk of becoming selfish.
- When children are bribed with rewards for “good” behavior, they will soon learn to understand how to manipulate their parents, playing the role that is expected of them. They become obedient superficially to flatter adults or to impress them. Honesty suffers.
- Do not belittle the dignity of another child when praising: "Your design is a thousand times better than that of Dima." If the baby will compete, then let him do it only with himself, improving his results each time.
Rules for the Promotion of Children
If you want to achieve truly worthy results in the education of your baby, you should know how to properly encourage him.
- Praise not the child himself, but his actions
After excessive praise, the child may appear heightened self-esteem and high conceit. If you want to praise him for his cleaned toys, do not rush to say: “What a fellow you are!” Say better: “The room has become clean after your cleaning. So nice to come here now. ” Be sure that he will properly evaluate your words and try to earn them again.
If your daughter brought you a beautiful drawing, do not rashly say: “You are a real artist and paint better than anyone!” The girl may be upset if the next drawing does not receive such a high mark or does not turn out so successful.Pay her attention to those moments that you especially liked: “What a beautiful tree you painted. It is just like living. And how many funny rabbits will be next to him! ” So you not only show a genuine interest in the creative abilities of the child, but also avoid evaluating his personality.
Make your praise so that the baby himself can make a conclusion about his skills. If your son helped move the heavy box, you can say instead of saying “how strong you are with me” about how difficult it was to lift it. The child will independently conclude: he is strong, mom and dad need him.
- Point out your child’s own feelings when achieving a result
Instead of praising the child or rewarding him for his work, teach him to focus on the pleasure he received from the execution process. Children are born with a natural interest in creativity and activity, and each new achievement fills them with admiration and joy. It is these emotions that fuel children's persistence and desire to achieve the goal. When you see that the kid has learned to ride the “iron horse”, support him: “I see you liked the fact that you now ride your bike yourself” or “I'm glad that you did it. You look very pleased with yourself! ” Well, as a consolidation of skills, you can organize a bike ride in the park. By the way 10 best kids tricycles for kids
- Do not praise children for natural things.
Psychologists and educators do not recommend considering the sociality of a young child as something unusual. If the baby has done something useful, for example, dressed himself, cleaned the dishes, do not express amazement at his social skills with delighted exclamations. Laudatory phrases: “You have such a clever girl!”, “Wow, you could wash the dishes!” - make the child doubt that you believe in his strength. He must understand that he is capable of many actions, without additional and often inappropriate praise.
- Do not reward money
Children who receive money for washed dishes or garbage disposed of are often focused only on the external result. Plates can be washed poorly, a garbage bag thrown out next to the house - most importantly, parents must give them the agreed amount. It is much more important that the child feels the pleasure of the process: happiness from helping parents, joy from new knowledge.
If you want the senior preschooler to learn to manage money, you should not pay for creative activity or help around the house. When he becomes a schoolboy, then you can give pocket money for daily expenses.
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What can be used to promote instead of money
If you like the reward system for the right behavior, but you don’t want the child to “earn” money, try to choose any analogue convenient for you. It can be buttons, bright beads or coffee beans. Then you need to work out with the baby a system according to which, for example, cleaning the room will “cost” two coffee beans. And be sure to get him a special jar in which he will hide his treasures.
Remember that promotion must be reasonable. The kid should be able to earn something big in a week, otherwise he will not have an incentive to move on. A promotion may be a joint visit to the children's center, a trip to the circus or a cinema.
Nevertheless, this method has many opponents who believe that in this way a child can grow up spoiled and will obey his parents only when he receives a reward.
When choosing a form of encouragement for a child, always consider his personality. Praise and reward must be used with extreme caution, as excessive use of them can become a direct responsibility of adults. Try to make sure that your good intentions do not cause the baby to be spoiled.
We also read:
We never had such a thing that I greatly praised the child, because this will lead to the fact that the child will have too high self-esteem. I praise only when he really deserves it.
Praising a child is really not worth it. My sister always praised the child for and without, and as a result, he grew up selfish, too spoiled.
Personally, I only exchange my child’s currency when he does something global and I immediately say that he’s done well for that and for the reason I call it a must. So that he draws some conclusions.