Any parent wants to educate his baby well. What do you personally invest in this “good”? Are your parenting methods right? Young parents make many mistakes that adversely affect the physical capabilities of your child, his mental state. How to avoid basic mistakes in education? We’ll talk about this today.
No. 1 Accusations and threats
The method of education through accusations, threats, intimidation, and shame is an absolutely wild mistake that has come to us from the past. Most of you remember the phrase "Aren `t you ashamed!"but at the same time continue to apply it to their children. The feeling of shame causes a desire to lower your eyes, it paralyzes activity and kills any initiative. Is a little blunder worth it? After all, the mistakes made by children do not lead to any global problems.
Along with shame, many parents actively use guilt. Blaming, many are trying to give children a kind of impetus (or incentive?) To achieve success. Only these good intentions are not justified, the child begins to close. Constant indictments of parents lead to the fact that the baby's interest in life disappears, he feels himself an incapable creature.
The use of intimidation and threats can also lead to nothing good. An extremely low percentage of people can safely get rid of feelings of fear. Basically, such a state does not induce action, but has the completely opposite effect - paralysis of all sensations, inability to act independently. Do not raise a moral disabled person, frighten the child as little as possible. This especially applies to the famous phrase "We will not love you anymore". For young children, this is shock, hysteria, for older adults it is psychological discomfort, the desire to do it in spite. In any case, you will not fulfill this threat, and the baby will begin to understand this over time. Such empty, unjustified threats will soon begin to be perceived by them as a lie and simply cease to act. In addition, the baby will simply lose confidence in you and will see a lie in any of your words.
We also read: child rearing style: what to choose - carrot or stick?
No. 2 Inconsistency and inconsistency in education
From a very early age, the child should have clear boundaries. It is wrong to change requirements and prohibitions every day. In such an environment, children are often lost and completely cease to navigate in different “can” and “not.”
Children need to be loved with unconditional love, noting at the same time their successes and encouraging for small victories.Misconduct should not go unnoticed, but do without extremes. Just explain to the child that you love him anyway, but do not approve of such behavior. Leave aside any violence, terror, show the child the path of development, and then he can go on his own.
Requirements for children should be the same for all family members (a close-knit family will turn a mountain, or how to overcome differences in parenting) Otherwise, they will simply learn to adapt to the situation. That parent, whose upbringing position is completely unprofitable for the baby, will notice disrespect in his direction, his opinion will cease to be authoritative.
We also read: how to say “no” to the child
№3 Uneven attitude towards children
Often parents transfer their problems and troubles to communication with children, which is fundamentally wrong. At some points in time we kiss them, indulge, buy everything that they ask. Tomorrow we can scream, get angry or just shut ourselves, do not pay any attention to them. The different "possible" and "impossible" entirely depend on our mood.
As a result of this behavior, the children make a simple conclusion - no matter what I did, it all depends on my mother's (father's) mood. They do not see your joy for their small achievements, they do not realize that you are upset by their misconduct.
If you do not want to grow a nutty individual, begin to control your emotions. Get out of the habit of tearing your anger out on the younger ones, because they simply don’t know what to expect from you at the next moment in time. Most likely, the baby will simply shut itself in, move away from you. It will be much more difficult to regain trust than to calm down right now.
We also read: What if I constantly scream at my child
No. 4 Categorical ban
There should be a certain range of prohibitions for children, but any of them must be explained. The child must understand why one is forbidden to him and the other is allowed, on which such an opinion of parents is based.
Before banning, try to figure out the reasons. Why did your child do this? Perhaps he is not just “Ate paints, but replenished his body with some missing substances” ...
Any categorical prohibitions that you did not bother to explain will teach the baby to do the same secretly from you.
No. 5 Excessive custody
There is such a category of mothers, which can conditionally be called “mother mother hens”. Such mothers take care of their children too much, which also harms their development.
At each specific age, children can already do something on their own. Each person has a time of such independence individually, but approximate boundaries still exist. For example, a first grader is able to dress and shoe himself, no need to do this for him. It is better for him to fasten his jacket several times incorrectly before leaving the house, but he will do it's SAM.
Such hyper-custody negatively affects different aspects of the life of your child. For a long time, he will not be able to make friends, will not learn to express his opinion and defend it, or maybe "earn" a neurosis.
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Develop the independence of your children and encourage any of their initiatives. Let the children help the elders, albeit so far ineptly. Do not ignore their desires and introduce total control over their communication with friends. Leave a little personal space, let me experience a sense of risk.
Do not rush to help instantly, let the child solve the problem himself or try to find a way out of a difficult situation. An ideal option is an exchange of views. Listen to how the child wants to act in a particular situation, express your opinion and leave the decision to him. Let it be his mistake, his little experience.
We also read: How to raise and raise an optimistic child?
No. 6 Excessive demands and pampering
The child should not be within the framework of constant rigor and exorbitant requirements. Small mistakes and pranks must be forgiven. Otherwise, you will develop stubbornness, insecurity, irritability in your baby.
This does not mean at all that you need to step back from your daily requirements and arrange constant concessions. But there is no need to act as a trainer either. Use the method of persuasion, explain why you need to do this and can not be otherwise. Otherwise, the child will learn to fulfill the requirements only in your presence and forget about them when you are not around.
Excessive indulgence is also not an option. Performing all the “I want” children’s, you simply raise an egoist who does not need to make absolutely any effort to fulfill his own desires. In addition, a child brought up in this way is unable to adapt normally to the conditions of life in adulthood; he simply cannot overcome even the smallest obstacle.
№7 lack of affection
Children of any age need affection. It is she who allows them to feel loved. Do not refuse your child this pleasure, give him a little confidence in yourself and your abilities.
An important point is that affection cannot be imposed. Do not force children to kiss you violently, forming a heavy duty. Any hugs and kisses should come from the heart.
№8 Napoleonic plans
Perhaps every person has his own unfulfilled dream. Having become parents, many begin to shift these dreams to their offspring and “push” them into various circles and sections.
Leave the child alone and let him express his own opinion. Your child probably has his own preferences regarding additional activities, so let him develop in this direction.
Otherwise, you will only develop a feeling of protest, and it is not yet known what it will result in in the future. At a minimum, you can provide your child with low self-esteem and dissatisfaction with their abilities.
No. 9 lack of time
One of the mistakes of parents is not enough time for classes with children. We are all very busy at work and in everyday life, we have our own responsibilities, but this does not mean at all that we need to forget about the needs of the child. He needs your attention and sharing time.
It is not enough just to take the child to a garden or school, buy a thing you like, cook food. It is important to be able to make time for the hobbies of your child. Watch a cartoon together or choose a time for a walk together. Otherwise, your baby will feel forgotten, seek solace on the side. Do not let strangers get closer to your family.
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№10 Money issue
Replacing love with money is not permissible, but is often practiced. It is clear that you are trying to earn as much as possible so that the child has everything necessary. But money is not able to replace parental love and affection. Any most expensive purchase will fade if the baby lacks your attention and care.
A child grows happy when he feels his importance to parents. Joint hobbies mean much more to him than the thickness of your wallet.
And, perhaps, the most important thing is a personal example. You cannot demand from children that which you yourself are not capable of. They learn from your actions, therefore, first of all, be able to educate yourself.
Avoiding typical mistakes in education, you will always be an authoritative person for your baby and you will not notice how your requirements are fulfilled. The kid will not do anything forbidden simply because he does not want to upset you. Learn to respect and understand your child, and he will reciprocate.
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In an interview, Marianna Polonsky talks about the main mistakes of parents in raising children. Template methods of education do not allow the child to become a happy person ...
Read on:
- Raising a child up to a year – https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/vospitanie-rebenka-do-goda.html;
- 10 tips to stop yelling at your children – https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/kak-perestat-krichat-na-svoih-detey.html;
- 25 tips for raising a child in love and peace – https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/25-sovetov-kak-vospitat-rebenka-v-lyubvi-i-spokoystvii.html;
- Your child should not annoy you! – https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/rebenok-ne-dolzhen-razdrazhat.html;
- Features of the psychology of parenting up to a year – https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/psihologiya-vospitaniya-rebenka-do-goda.html;
- How to react and deal with the vagaries of a child – https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/kak-reagirovat-i-borotsya-s-kaprizami-rebenka.html;
- Education of honesty in children. Practical advice on raising an honest child. How to cultivate honesty in children? https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/kak-vospitat-chestnogo-rebenka.html
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Often we underestimate the capabilities of our children, considering them simply small and thoughtless. That's only when time is already lost, we catch ourselves thinking that we are doing everything as our children say and demand. Our experts will tell you how to recognize a young manipulator and how to find a common language with such a child.
I agree with the author of the article. My son after returning from my grandmother becomes simply uncontrollable, moody and angry with me. That's all, because his grandmother allows him to do those things that I categorically forbid. For example, dine in the TV room. There were conversations with my grandmother, but that didn’t help, she kind of agrees with us, and then goes on about the grandson, he knows how to manipulate her perfectly. To forbid the son to go to the grandmother is not an option. We are waiting for the situation to be resolved by itself.
Immediately by my own nature I feel what mistakes my parents made. Yes, I remember both constant reproaches and changes in mood. We are trying to approach the education of our son more responsibly, but ... it doesn’t work out. Life leaves its mark, and some things cannot be avoided. For example, how to give your child more attention, if you still can’t do without money, and you have to spend a lot of time on work? .. I think it’s very difficult to become ideal parents, and it’s absolutely impossible to raise an ideal child. This is the life that makes us all so different.
Author, everything to the point!