Parental fatigue, views on the upbringing, and sometimes the behavior of the child lead to the fact that mom or dad is often annoyed at the child, break into a cry, get angry. Of course, parents at the same time do not stop loving, but in fact, children often hear negative words addressed to them. Meanwhile, the atmosphere of peace of love is vital for the child to develop and grow up. Only feeling parental acceptance and love, the child can stand on his feet and boldly walk through life. To create the necessary atmosphere for raising a child, parents often have to work primarily on themselves. This is hard work, but its fruits will exceed all expectations. If you are already embarking on this path, the tips below will be very helpful.
- Do not shift responsibility for your reactions and behavior onto the child. Sometimes, due to powerlessness, parents themselves take a children's position, shifting responsibility for their own actions to the child: "Well, what to do with you: spank or put in a corner?", "Do you want me to scold you more?". A child cannot decide how to educate, punish, and act in a given situation for his parents. This is the task of adults.
- Take responsibility for your actions. It is not the child who is angry and annoying, but you are angry and annoyed when he does something. Taking responsibility for your reactions makes it possible to manage them, because it is impossible to change what you are not responsible for.
- Analyze your behavior. In the process of this, you will be able to see the mechanism of triggering your reactions to the actions of the child and you will understand what really unbalances you.
- Do not overwork yourself. The resource of parental forces needs constant replenishment, so do not push yourself and your needs to the background. Sleep, proper nutrition, physical activity, hobbies and hobbies give positive emotions and fill with strength for a calm upbringing.
- Give up haste and hard life planning. Very often we get angry with children because they are too slow or violate our plans with their behavior. If you don’t rush anywhere and let events just happen in your life, there will be much less problems.
- Formulate your requirements correctly. It is very difficult for children to perceive the requirements of adults, because they are formulated in an “adult” language. Often, adults formulate their demands in a "negative" way: "do not meddle," "do not touch," "do not come." The child needs not so much prohibitory signals as concrete instructions: “Take your hand away from the dog and go to mom”.
- Learn to leave your problems behind the doorstep of a child’s room. Children perfectly "read" the emotional state of adults. If you are “overwhelmed” and immersed in thoughts about problems at work, financial difficulties, conflicts with relatives, the child will necessarily “get infected” with your nervousness and will behave accordingly.From birth, the rule is unshakable: "Calm mother - calm baby."
- Do not demand from the child that you cannot do it yourself. Agree, it is absurd in rage to shout at the crying child: “Calm down immediately!”. If you yourself cannot control your emotions, a child, looking at you, will never learn to cope with his own.
- Raising a child in love and tranquility, you do good not only to him, but also to yourself, “growing” inside yourself a wise, calm, loving parent.
- If it seems to you that the child is provoking you, stop and think: what does this little defenseless man really want now? In most cases, behind a provocative behavior is a desperate thirst for attention and intimacy.
- Control what and how you say to your children. Children need to be criticized correctly: firstly, they must be “self-statements”; secondly, it is not the child himself who needs to be criticized, but his specific actions. For example, instead of “You make me angry,” it’s better to say “I get angry when you ...”.
- Be open to new experience and knowledge. Not only children learn from their parents, but parents can learn a lot from their children.
- The best parental position is the position of imperious care. This position requires strength, self-confidence and personal maturity. But it is from this position that education can occur without screaming and irritation. A child happens simply because you are an adult whom he trusts and whose authority recognizes.
- Do not hesitate to seek support from more experienced parents, whose example is indicative of you, to specialists and books. Sometimes through books and conversations you can see your mistakes and draw conclusions.
- Do not expect instant results from yourself. Working on yourself and developing new habits takes time. Celebrate every step towards your goal, praise yourself for the slightest success. If today you are angry and annoyed at the child less than yesterday - this is already good.
- Do not look for special reasons to tell your child about your love and be sure to maintain physical contact with hugs, touches, kisses.
- Believe in your child and his good intentions. It is inherent in nature that children always strive to be good for their parents, to please them, it’s just that the child is not always able to assess what is really appropriate and good, and what is not. Your task is to teach him this.
- Shift the focus of your actions from “training” to relationships with your child. Parenting is, first of all, reliable and close relations, and not a system of prohibitions and punishments. If there are no problems in relations with the child, it is easy to educate him in love and tranquility, because he himself strives to be like you, to obey.
- Do not confuse love for a child with permissiveness. The child just needs to know the boundaries of what is permitted, for him it is the fulcrum in the world around him and the basis of his life principles and guidelines.
- When forbidding anything and restricting a child, do it from the position of imperious care. If there are any rules, then they should always be respected in principle. Moreover, each time the child needs to explain why you forbid him anything: “I don’t want you to get sick,” “I want you to have healthy eyes.”
- Let the child show any emotions and be in any mood, be sad, act up, cry. Acceptance of any behavior of the child, and not just exemplary, is the best confirmation of your love.
- Drop all expectations about the child and do not compare it with other children. A child deserves love simply because he is, and not for success and achievement.
- Always be on the side of the child, especially when someone else criticizes the child or teaches him. The situation when mom or dad out of a desire to "please" a stranger unite with him "against" the child and begin to shame or teach him is very traumatic. As a child, this is perceived as a betrayal, which greatly undermines trust in relationships.
- Do not be afraid to praise the child. For a long time in our culture it was believed that it is impossible to praise a child - he can be spoiled by this. In fact, words of praise for the child are a powerful motivation to become better and delight parents. Otherwise, what's the point of being good if no one notices his small victories? Praise can also be used to encourage desired behavior, but then praise must be given correctly. Not an automatic "well done", but explaining in detail to the child that you liked how he did something or behaved in some situation. We read the advice of a psychologist on how to properly encourage children
- Forgive yourself for your "non-ideality" and remember that everyone has the right to make mistakes. Nobody is taught to be a parent, so your motherhood or fatherhood is a complete improvisation. But even if you were mistaken in something, most pedagogical mistakes can be corrected, and it is better to focus on this.
Next, your child should not annoy you! - read the article >>>
We read on the topic:
- Raising a child up to a year: advice to parents;
- 10 tips to stop yelling at your children;
- 10 mistakes of parents in raising children;
- How to say “NO” and “NO” to the child;
- Question from mothers: “What should I do if I constantly scream at my child?” -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/chto-mne-delat-esli-ya-postoyanno-krichu-na-svoego-rebenka.html.
Raising a child is a very complex process. The child is brought up not only by parents, but also by the atmosphere that prevails in the house, other family members, a kindergarten, and a school. But parents are the main people in the life of the child. Parental love makes him strong, resilient, able to succeed and cope with any difficulties. Work on yourself, change unsuccessful parenting models to more effective ones, gain parental wisdom and educate your child in peace and love!
I would add to paragraph 23 that you should not criticize the child in public. If the child has committed an offense, then on this occasion you need to understand at home and in private. In public it is better to say that you talk about it at home, and at home you can already talk strictly.
I have long noticed that to a large extent the nature and behavior of a child is determined by relationships within the family. If parents respect each other, then their child is calm and balanced. We have a neighbor in the entrance, she is used to raising her son with screams and abuse. Sometimes it’s scary to hear what words she lets out about her own child. And the boy grows shy, unsociable, sometimes aggression wakes up in him - he can offend the weaker younger children in the yard. So parental illiteracy cripples children.