Many women complain that when they become mothers, they constantly have to deal with stereotypes of grandmothers regarding parenting and child care. It is not easy to convince them not to wrap the baby in a blanket when he is already warm, not to lisp instead of speaking humanly, not to force them to eat for two, not to console with sweets. The new generation realized the mistakes of their parents and tried to correct them. However, we ourselves did not notice how we created our own stereotypes. Let's talk about them in this article.
When I became a mother, I began to struggle with grandmother's stereotypes about the upbringing and care of the baby. Oh, how difficult it was to persuade not to confuse the child, not to replace human words with larly ones, not to console with candy, not to feed “for mom, for dad” ... Having rejected all the old, our generation did not notice that it created new stereotypes! Here are just a few of them.
Stereotype No. 1. “My child is a future genius”
None of the parents wants their child to fall behind their peers and have difficulty learning, communicating with people. Fear for the future of the child makes modern mothers feed children with knowledge from an early age. As a result, children are trying to teach foreign languages, reading has already begun from a year, and a little later the baby is given to different sections.
In stores and the Internet you can now find all kinds of manuals and encyclopedias for the education of geeks who only spur the manic desire of modern mothers to quickly develop the intelligence of the baby. Forums are being created where parents share their successes - for some two-year-old sons already memorized poems by prominent poets, for others, one-year-old daughters speak the first words in English. And kindergartens with early education are everywhere open, which offer a rich program.
The desire to ensure a prosperous future for the child is commendable. However, experts warn: excessive loads at an early age provoke somatic diseases, neurosis and often even kill the motivation for further training. It is important for parents to understand: the child must play and receive all the joys of childhood, and he will still have enough time for knowledge of the sciences.
Common misconceptions of parents
Trying to accelerate the development of the baby, parents mistakenly believe that:
- If a child listens to classical music from the first days of his life, he will grow up to be an intelligent and cultured person.
- The baby will quickly speak if she constantly hears human speech - for example, from the TV.
- Baby need learn to go potty as soon as possible - from the moment he gets to his feet.
- A child is able to simultaneously learn to speak and read.
These statements do not stand up to criticism of pediatricians and child psychologists, and are also simply refuted by common sense. Specialists remind mothers of a simple truth: everything has its time. A six-month-old baby can listen with interest to how his mother reads him a book, but this does not indicate his genius or that he understands the plot. He is simply cheerful and pleased that his mother, who funnyly voices the characters in different voices, shows color pictures with him. Therefore, make sure that the baby develops by age, but do not go too far. Otherwise, everything will end in neurosis.
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Stereotype number 2. “I will grow a leader at all costs”
Another dream of parents in the 21st century. - To bring up a leader from a child who will build a successful career, it will be easy to achieve respect and trust of people. What kind of person should be? Responsible, confident, proactive and decisive. Many adults cannot boast of a full range of these qualities due to their nature and temperament. A leader is, rather, a merit not of education, but of genes.
It is useless to try to awaken leadership qualities in a quiet introvert child who feels comfortable only next to loved ones. Yes, probably he will not be the soul of the company and the head of a large enterprise. However, this does not mean that the child’s life will be unhappy.
Misconceptions about leadership development
Wrong parents who believe that:
- You can not interfere in children's quarrels, as this will help the children learn to defend their opinions and cope with difficulties.
- In all games and home competitions, an adult must lose so that the baby self-esteem grew.
- It is useful for the child to remain face to face with problems, because only in this way he will learn to analyze the situation and find a solution.
According to experienced psychologists, only by the age of three the makings of a leader can appear in a baby. Such a child likes to be the soul of the company, meet and communicate with new people, participate in mass events - contests, concerts, competitions. If you want to further develop the leadership qualities of the baby, set an example for him - be an active and proactive person.
We also read: How to raise a child as a leader. Collection of personalized fairy tales No. 3
Stereotype number 3. “I will bring up a real man (feminine girl)”
How often from parents of young children you can hear phrases like "Do not howl, you are a man!" or "How dirty you are, but you are a girl, you must be beautiful!" Gender stereotypes sometimes turn into a real absurdity. The child was barely 2–3 years old, and the manifestation of masculinity or femininity is already required of him.
First, we’ll figure out what qualities parents want in a boy. This is responsibility, independence, willpower, determination. It is impossible to manifest such traits under conditions of constant coercion. You can’t learn to make decisions if you are constantly pressed, they say how and what to do. In order for a child to grow up to be courageous and strong morally, insist less, educate and plant. Do not disturb nature - it will tell the baby how to behave. Give him a little more independence, although this is not easy to implement.
Gender Myths about Parenting
Methods of raising boys and girls, of course, should be different. However, many parents go too far, falling under the power of the following stereotypes:
- Cars are suitable for boys as toys, and dolls are suitable for girls, but by no means the other way around.
- The obligatory attributes of the girl are long hair, dresses and skirts, but no pants in everyday life, they are exclusively for sports.
- A child can only deal with that sport or creativity that matches his gender. A girl should not be given in karate, and a boy - for dancing.
- Girls can be forgiven a lot, but boys can not be spared, they should be punished, and harder.
Now let's see what requirements modern parents place on their little daughters. This is accuracy and beauty, and in absolutely everything - in appearance, handwriting, manner of speaking and holding the plug.
One 40-year-old woman at the forum described a typical situation: in childhood, she was scolded for dirty clothes, for blots in notebooks. She constantly heard from her parents: “Be careful! You are a girl! ” This led to the child's thoughts that being born a girl is a big failure. To change this view, it took time.
Mom should explain to her daughter that she is a girl, but you cannot do this through reproach. To develop femininity in a baby, invite her to treat her dad for a cold, take care of a cat, and preen in front of a mirror. It’s much easier for a child to learn by seeing someone’s example.
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Putting a dress on a boy is really stupid ... And this is not a myth)