How to react and deal with the vagaries of a child (child from birth to 1 year)
Addition in the family is a great happiness for parents. When the birth was successful and the baby develops according to age norms, the mother is rarely worried about the baby’s capriciousness. Parents cannot be overjoyed when the baby grows calm and docile. Moms and dads get used to it, and it seems to them that it will always be so. But suddenly everything changes. The child began to act up, often cries, defies persuasion. This often happens towards the end of the first year of life. Why is this happening?
To understand whether a child under the age of 1 year can be capricious, we suggest understanding the psychological features of the development of crumbs:
Newborn Crisis
The crisis manifests itself in the period from birth to 2 months. This is a very important stage in the development of the child. And the timely onset of the crisis is the norm. Your child should react to the approach of an adult, make sounds (vocalizations) when communicating with your mother, and respond with a smile. Weight loss is a major sign of crisis.
Infant age
This is the second stage of development of a child up to a year. Most often, it manifests itself from the second month to a year. At this time, the baby communicates through emotions. And it is important for parents to pay great attention to communication. Gradually, the baby pronounces the first words, explores the world through actions with environmental objects.
Crying and babbling during this period speak of the desire to establish contact with an adult. And when the child’s independent speech appears, the crisis is over.
Having studied the most important psychological characteristics of children during this period of development, we will try to figure out whether the vagaries of a child up to a year carry something serious.
What are vagaries. Can a newborn baby be capricious
Under whims understand different whims and obstinacy. At an early age, under the guise of a whim, the basic needs of the child and a sense of discomfort are hidden. Sometimes, calling their baby under the age of one year moody, mothers misinterpret the definition itself. After all, the cry and anxiety of a child at such a tender age is the only way to communicate with relatives. There are no words in their arsenal, gestures are also still weakly expressed - it remains only to roar. And there can be several reasons for the disorder. First, natural - the child wants to eat, he has wet diapers, or he is frozen. It is also possible that the baby asks for help when something hurts him. A caring mother will immediately help the baby.
Make sure the baby is dry. Children often signal crying about the need to change the diaper;
An important cause of concern is the hunger crumbs. To avoid this, feed the baby on time;
If you have already fed the baby and made sure that there is no longer any discomfort, but he continues to cry, the cause may be gas or colic. One of the most common causes of the moody state of children under one year old;
Change of weather, magnetic storms. It is already difficult to choose a specific recipe. Give the baby more attention that day, wear it on the handles, sleep together;
From the age of three months, teeth can become the cause of moods. Yes, do not be surprised. Gums begin to swell, the child pulls everything that fell into his hands into his mouth, profuse salivation is observed - these are the main signs that eruptive teeth are worried. And let them come out only after 2-3 months, problems begin now;
Daily regime. Children need strict adherence. This applies to feeding, sleeping (a clear dream on a schedule will relieve nervous tension, and the child will noticeably less to whimper.), Walks, games, developing activities and even free time. The child reacts sharply to one drop-out element from the mode. This is where a hectic day awaits you 🙂
It often happens that a joyful and festive day, brightly spent with the baby ends with the whims and tears of the child. He refuses to fall asleep, is too excited and difficult to calm him down. This behavior for children 10-18 months old is the result of the nervous strain they experienced. Their tears are a natural way of getting rid of stress at this age. After all, a noisy company, new faces, bright colors and unusual sounds - all this turned out to be stressful for the baby. Therefore, he is annoyed, crying, acting up. In such a situation, it is necessary to show maximum care and patience for the child. Do not get screams and threats to make him calm down. It’s better to hold the child to you, wear it on your hands, do procedures that are pleasant for him: bathe in a warm bath or have a light massage. All this will help the baby to relax and calm down faster.
Similar anxieties and moods in a child can arise in another situation, when the prohibitions of the parents come into force. For almost a year, the baby was limited by the walls of the playpen or pram; he was surrounded only by familiar things. With the development of the child, he needs to learn new things. He did not know another and was satisfied with this.
Crawling and making his first attempts to independently rise from the floor and walk, he thereby broadens his horizons, learns a lot of new things. Not understanding the dangers of the surrounding objects, the kid will explore everything with interest. He has a natural desire not only to consider, but also to feel with his hands, test his strength and taste a new object. Such behavior will certainly cause a reaction from parents. And most often it is forbidden in the form of a shout and taking away the thing you like.
They raised their voices, took the “swell” and even carried them away from an interesting place back to the arena. In this case, how can the baby express his indignation and desire to continue research in the new world? Only a scream. So far this is the only thing that he can do to draw attention to himself and his natural need for learning new things. No compromises in the form of old toys or nipples suit him.
To avoid such vagaries, you should think in advance how to make the discovery of new objects more joyful for a child. Let only those things remain around that he can painlessly examine for himself taste and form. And so that parents do not worry about a broken and damaged item, all unnecessary things must be removed: hide or rearrange higher. We also read:how many toys does a child need
Leave to the discoverer what will bring him joy. The fact that it will be possible to move, put each other or will allow to extract new sounds from objects. Indeed, unsightly empty boxes, lids, pots and ladles are much more interesting, even if they are bright, but already boring toys.
Another reason for the sudden irritation of the child may be difficulties in becoming speech. The kid is growing, and his speech is not keeping pace with his development. New desires to do something or attempts to convey your emotions result in lowing or stretching out your hands. Parents do not understand his “hints” and do not go to the rescue.Besides words, how to pay attention to yourself and to the problem that has arisen? Again, children's cries and moods.They can be manifested in the rejection of the usual bathing or using the pot, to which the child is already accustomed. Everything that used to be pleasant for the baby and he willingly accepted it, now can cause him discontent.
In this case, it will not be just a whim, but a signal to parents. In this way the child expresses what he is not able to express in words. And it’s not worth fighting such irritability by breaking it by force. It is better to look at the child and find out the reason for his vagaries. Perhaps at the last bath, the water was too hot or the foam was plucking eyes. Or maybe with the last use of the pot, plastic pinched the baby's delicate skin. The child experienced at that moment was remembered by the child, and he does not want to repeat it. Therefore, by all means he resists another bathing or planting on a pot (read also:how to teach a child to walk on a potty).
The most effective tool in this situation is time. Do not scold the child for a whim and insist on his own. Give him time to forget about the unpleasant incident and after a while repeat his attempts.
How to overcome children's vagaries
With all his behavior, the child shows that he expects understanding from adults. Changes in the behavior of the baby sometimes lead adults into confusion and cause a desire to immediately stop the disgrace and whims.
Vagaries, screams and crying - this is not an ordinary disgrace that should be stopped immediately. This is another signal of the child that he is waiting for understanding and reaction from adults. He is looking for a way to manage his parents to get what he wants. Everything is used: screams, tears, biting, hair pulling, fight. And if it works, then such behavior will become the norm, and the child will only solve his problems in this way. This cannot be allowed. And if you don’t react to the wrong behavior and show the kid that you won’t achieve anything with whims, then he will begin to change and stop crying and acting up.
In some situations, learn not to pay attention to the child. Sometimes this is the best solution. A child can quickly stop acting up and crying if there are no people nearby trying to calm him down. The presence of spectators and sympathizers only enhances the whims and cries of the baby. After all, even some adults love to "speak" to the public, to say nothing of children.
Many parents are mistaken, believing that the baby needs to be caressed and carried more on hands. It is not true! Most often capricious are children who are surrounded by excessive affection. Psychologists advise not to go to extremes. Yes, the baby needs your attention and affection, however, he must also understand that mom and dad cannot carry it in their arms for days on end. They also have their own needs;
Permissiveness and unlimited. From a very young age, the child must know the words “No”, “No”, “Stop”. This will be an additional incentive for discipline of crumbs in the future. The presence of these concepts in education will save both the baby and parents from unnecessary moods. (We read on the topic:how to tell a child);
The constant attention of elders often becomes the cause of childhood vagaries. By nature, a child cannot communicate exclusively with elders. He begins to get tired of the obsessive behavior of adults. Give more freedom to the baby. Let him play on his own, take a walk on the street with other mummies, chat with them. And the kids will exchange gestures and smiles with each other in a stroller;
Do not overdo it by following the previous paragraph. A complete lack of attention will also negatively affect the psychological and emotional state of the crumbs.With cries and whims, he will demand the attention of loved ones;
Inconsistency and lack of unity of requirements impede the child’s adaptation to the world. To avoid this, arrange with your relatives about a single line of education. Watch your attitude to the child. If you allowed something yesterday and banned today, then you need to explain to the baby why you are doing this. Regardless of the fact that he is still very small. He will understand everything at the level of emotions.
The most popular whim is evening, when it is time to go to bed. The kid can not understand why, instead of an interesting game of football with dad, he should sleep. To keep the vagaries of the evening in the past, cancel all outdoor games an hour before bedtime - let it be reading a book or watching a cartoon. By the way, children's programs like “Good night, kids” are very useful in this case - they act like a signal for bedtime.
What should be the reaction of parents
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Start with yourself. Be consistent. Remember the sequence. Do not succumb to the whimpers of the crumbs. If you are forbidden to take something, then this is a taboo! A single rule for both sides.
Do not overdo it.When you react excessively severely, the baby can remember your reaction to his behavior. He may misinterpret the current situation and perceive your unusual reaction as a reward for an act - the child may have a desire to repeat those actions that aroused your indignation.
Analyze your baby’s day routine.If necessary, make adjustments. Observe the system mode. Make your crumbs day diverse. Pay more attention to walking and changing game activities.
Praise your child for good behavior. In that case, if the baby's attention is constantly focused on negative actions, then he will deliberately repeat them to attract your attention. Try to form a positive attitude in the behavior of the baby. Creating a favorable atmosphere at home, you will reduce the child’s desire to be in opposition.
Try to reduce the number of actions prohibited for the baby. Remove items that the baby should not take, use plastic plugs on the control panel of the TV and video equipment, close the doors of cabinets and rooms that the child should not get into with special locking devices.
React fast. When the child does the unlawful, immediately and strictly say “No” to him. If the child repeats the action, once again prohibit the act and take him to another place.
For example: “Little Vova climbed into the closet, pulled out a glass carafe. The kid does not know how to use it. Decanter Vovochka dropped. He crashed. "
How to be a mom?
A bad example would be screaming and swearing at a child! Better to do this: "Little Johnny, I was so scared! I am very, very upset! You could get hurt, then I would cry for a long time (grimaces)! Please remember that it is forbidden to touch my things without permission! ” The last phrase is pronounced in a strict voice, indicating a ban.
There are many such examples. Remember that the vagaries of a child are largely up to you. (now we are not talking about when the baby is bothered by something). The most difficult in raising a child up to a year is the first month. It is perfectly normal when a newborn baby can cry and be naughty just like that up to two hours a day. Do not worry, every month you will more and more understand your baby. Love your moody baby!
From the forums: how to respond to the vagaries of a child up to a year?
Luba Melnik:God be with you, what are the vagaries of this age. It is necessary to understand the child, if, as they say, such a kid is capricious - then there is a serious reason: he feels bad, anxious, hungry.
Nellie:The child is not naughty, he either gives you a sign that somewhere he has a problem or attracts your attention, because he cannot say yet.
Alyonushka:Well, what are these vagaries? the child is not even a year old. he is naughty because something is bothering him. he just can't say.
list:kiss, hug, carry on handles, be with him always and enjoy everything he does ...
Vinakova:Children up to a year are not capricious, much less do not “work for the public”! They give signals that something is bothering them. It’s uncomfortable for big aunts and uncles, and we want to cry to someone, what can we say about babies who know nothing about this world? And how to deal with what's bothering - of course, cry!
Iris: Patiently figure out what is the reason. After all, kids don’t do something to us in spite - if she whines or is naughty, then something is wrong: she wants to eat, drink, sleep, play with her mother, something hurts, reacts to the weather, etc. Sometimes, of course, nerves can’t stand it, but you need to control yourself .... the more we get nervous and annoyed, the more the baby cries ....
Lelya:I believe that you can not always flow to the child. We must give him and shout. When my son begins to cry over the fact that he is not given or, when, something is forbidden, I still insist on my own. He will scream, see and understand that he has not achieved anything with his cry and the next time he is more comfortable with prohibitions. Children are very cunning and smart. They very quickly realize that they can be manipulated by adults and immediately begin to use it. We must not allow the child to become the master of the situation!
Verunchik:In my opinion, a baby up to a year still does not know how to sabotage and play whims. If the baby is crying, it means that he really cares. My son just does not know how to cry out of harm, he is 1 year 3 months old.
Click on the picture link to the article: What should I do if I constantly scream at my child?
We read on the topic of crying and the vagaries of children:
Caught several times at the whims of his son. Now he began to act without screaming and cursing. In a strict and calm voice, I repeat several times the ban or a reminder that it is necessary to remove things or toys. The child began to react in a completely different way, he perceives and listens more easily.
Anastasia
Now very often I come across this problem - children are incredibly spoiled, growing up, rude to parents and strangers.And what will happen to them further in life? How they, as adults, will live without their mother’s skirt, which protects them from their own aggression. Parents, think about it, indulging the whims of their children, you do them a disservice.
Ale
The main thing is never to succumb to sheer whims. When a child rolls around, bangs his head and squeals if he is not given something or bought. In such cases, I would certainly punish, so as not to disgrace so much especially in public places. If the child is very small, and already shows the character and demands that he should not be given, you need to stand to the end, in no case do not relent and change position. A strict voice and a light slap in a soft place will help here (it happens that without this, you can’t do it, because the child may yell and not even listen to what you are trying to explain to him).
Alyona
The vagaries of young children must still be able to endure. From my personal experience I will say that you can not indulge in all your child. But screams and a belt cannot achieve a positive result. A special approach is needed here. You need to be a little psychologist and be able to convey to the child why you need to do just that, and not the way he wants.
Olga
From my own experience I can say one thing: up to a year I had practically no problems with my son. He was naughty only because of teeth. At five months they climbed 4 pieces at once. Maybe I guessed everything that my baby wants, I don’t know, but for other reasons I don’t remember the directly expressed vagaries. But after a year it has really begun: they didn’t let them in, they didn’t give it there. But my baby, for example, can be persuaded in a critical situation. He somehow quickly stops crying.
Anya
For me, the best method is to distract the child. Just switch his attention, show something new, “speak teeth”. As for the regime, I completely agree. In my own experience, I noticed that lack of sleep and non-compliance with the regime lead to loonies and tantrums. No daytime sleep, wait for tears and bad behavior. Vagaries began at the age of three with a trip to kindergarten. Stress and change affected the character. First of all, it is necessary to have patience, not to break down on the baby. And everything will work out!
Anna
Let me disagree with the numerous comments that children under one year of age are not capricious. I just laid my whim, and he is not yet 6 months old. He threw me a tantrum due to the fact that I do not wear it upright wherever he needs. I tried to endure, but I am terribly afraid that his nervous system or blood vessels cannot withstand such emotional stress. But he really hysteria at the slightest disobedience to my requirements, and I don’t yet know how to behave in this situation and I can’t find an intelligible answer, all the advice mainly concerns adult children.
Edward
Vagaries and hysteria appear when the child is denied something, before that, the parents poked at all the desires of the child and then refused, the child did not expect this, so get it, put yourself in their place when you were denied something, will you like it? It’s clear that adults don’t throw a tantrum in public places and at home when there are no strangers? It is necessary to understand and clearly realize that it is YOU who have blinded what is now hysteria before you, it is YOU who brought up this way, it was born into the world pure and immaculate. I do not blame the parents because they did not teach them to raise a child and they bring up on instincts, and there is not always enough time for this.
Natalie
My boys are 7 months old. And the eldest is very moody, yelling so that his ears are blocked. For example, when he sees a grandmother immediately begins to cry. And without acceleration, he immediately yells. She must take him in her arms and all. If she takes the youngest, she also yells, only she should wear it, and you say there are no whims for up to a year.And they are sitting playing together and suddenly the grandmother came in, all) the younger one also whimpers when the grandmother enters. Both want to hand. Although she especially does not pick them up. And I am against being taught hands.
Similar anxieties and moods in a child can arise in another situation, when the prohibitions of the parents come into force. For almost a year, the baby was limited by the walls of the playpen or pram; he was surrounded only by familiar things. With the development of the child, he needs to learn new things. He did not know another and was satisfied with this.
Start with yourself. Be consistent. Remember the sequence. Do not succumb to the whimpers of the crumbs. If you are forbidden to take something, then this is a taboo! A single rule for both sides.
Caught several times at the whims of his son. Now he began to act without screaming and cursing. In a strict and calm voice, I repeat several times the ban or a reminder that it is necessary to remove things or toys. The child began to react in a completely different way, he perceives and listens more easily.
Now very often I come across this problem - children are incredibly spoiled, growing up, rude to parents and strangers.And what will happen to them further in life? How they, as adults, will live without their mother’s skirt, which protects them from their own aggression. Parents, think about it, indulging the whims of their children, you do them a disservice.
The main thing is never to succumb to sheer whims. When a child rolls around, bangs his head and squeals if he is not given something or bought. In such cases, I would certainly punish, so as not to disgrace so much especially in public places. If the child is very small, and already shows the character and demands that he should not be given, you need to stand to the end, in no case do not relent and change position. A strict voice and a light slap in a soft place will help here (it happens that without this, you can’t do it, because the child may yell and not even listen to what you are trying to explain to him).
The vagaries of young children must still be able to endure. From my personal experience I will say that you can not indulge in all your child. But screams and a belt cannot achieve a positive result. A special approach is needed here. You need to be a little psychologist and be able to convey to the child why you need to do just that, and not the way he wants.
From my own experience I can say one thing: up to a year I had practically no problems with my son. He was naughty only because of teeth. At five months they climbed 4 pieces at once. Maybe I guessed everything that my baby wants, I don’t know, but for other reasons I don’t remember the directly expressed vagaries. But after a year it has really begun: they didn’t let them in, they didn’t give it there. But my baby, for example, can be persuaded in a critical situation. He somehow quickly stops crying.
For me, the best method is to distract the child. Just switch his attention, show something new, “speak teeth”. As for the regime, I completely agree. In my own experience, I noticed that lack of sleep and non-compliance with the regime lead to loonies and tantrums. No daytime sleep, wait for tears and bad behavior. Vagaries began at the age of three with a trip to kindergarten. Stress and change affected the character. First of all, it is necessary to have patience, not to break down on the baby. And everything will work out!
Let me disagree with the numerous comments that children under one year of age are not capricious. I just laid my whim, and he is not yet 6 months old. He threw me a tantrum due to the fact that I do not wear it upright wherever he needs. I tried to endure, but I am terribly afraid that his nervous system or blood vessels cannot withstand such emotional stress. But he really hysteria at the slightest disobedience to my requirements, and I don’t yet know how to behave in this situation and I can’t find an intelligible answer, all the advice mainly concerns adult children.
Vagaries and hysteria appear when the child is denied something, before that, the parents poked at all the desires of the child and then refused, the child did not expect this, so get it, put yourself in their place when you were denied something, will you like it? It’s clear that adults don’t throw a tantrum in public places and at home when there are no strangers? It is necessary to understand and clearly realize that it is YOU who have blinded what is now hysteria before you, it is YOU who brought up this way, it was born into the world pure and immaculate. I do not blame the parents because they did not teach them to raise a child and they bring up on instincts, and there is not always enough time for this.
My boys are 7 months old. And the eldest is very moody, yelling so that his ears are blocked. For example, when he sees a grandmother immediately begins to cry. And without acceleration, he immediately yells. She must take him in her arms and all. If she takes the youngest, she also yells, only she should wear it, and you say there are no whims for up to a year.And they are sitting playing together and suddenly the grandmother came in, all) the younger one also whimpers when the grandmother enters. Both want to hand. Although she especially does not pick them up. And I am against being taught hands.