Hello! For any child, a family is his small world, where he takes his first steps, learns the world, learns and develops. Everything that the baby here hears and watches forms his ideas about the world around him. Therefore, the internal microclimate in the family is extremely important for the child to grow up physically and mentally healthy. From the relationship between mom and dad, he draws a model of behavior that he carries into his adult life.
Why is the atmosphere in the family where the child grows important?
It is widely believed that a small child still does not understand anything. That is why many fathers and mothers are not shy about throwing noisy scandals, which even sometimes turn into fights. For adults, it seems that the baby, due to his age, still does not understand the meaning of many words, and indeed does not understand the situation properly.
At the same time, it doesn’t occur to many people that a child, like a sponge, absorbs negative emotions, parental intonations, behavior, and in the future will begin to imitate them.
Sometimes in kindergarten, kids involuntarily play dramas that have spied in their family. The baby takes the doll and plays, and then suddenly begins to scold her. At this moment, everything that the child learned at home from his parents just becomes visible and audible. He screams at the poor doll, calls it names, beats. Only an experienced teacher, observing this picture, will be able to understand in what a terrible atmosphere of stress and conflict a small person grows. After this, he, of course, will try to discuss the situation with his parents, but there are few such insightful educators.
How family scandals affect the kid
Constant family dramas adversely affect the health of the child and as a result provoke serious problems:
- Psychological disorders in children - This is the most common consequence of ongoing conflicts in the family. Such problems manifest themselves in different ways. Some of the kids can become an evil and aggressive brawler, constantly starting quarrels with peers. Other children become isolated, reluctant to make contact, and avoid communicating with anyone. All this worsens mental health, and eventually begins to negatively affect the emerging character as a whole. If nothing is done, the child will have huge problems at an older age.
- Physical disorders most often manifested by impaired speech and visual impairment. Living in constant stress, kids start talking late. They also often have speech defects, stuttering. Vision problems are often expressed in the fact that it becomes difficult for a child to focus on a specific subject. The fact is that chronic stress affects the cerebral cortex, as a result of which physical health deteriorates, the development of crumbs is delayed.
Kids take some scandals so close to their hearts that they are laid back deep in memory and become almost the only childhood memories. Adults after resolving the conflict are able to pull themselves together, so they forget unpleasant episodes. But it’s difficult for children to understand what caused the scandal, and they begin to blame themselves for the discord in the family. So the child has obsessive thoughts that he is interfering with mom and dad, that he is not loved, he is all alone. The feeling of one's own uselessness subsequently develops into a large number of complexes.
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Scandals that occur before bedtime are reflected very badly on the child. Due to fright and stress, the baby cannot fall asleep, therefore it does not get enough sleep, but in the morning it feels lethargic and upset.
All parents must understand that clarifying relationships in front of a child leads to serious and irreversible consequences. Next I will give you some tips on how to avoid conflict. This will minimize harm to the baby.
How to behave to parents if a conflict is brewing
In my opinion, every adult should learn the first thing - to keep silent on time. This is difficult to do when emotions are over the edge. Nevertheless, it is important to think about the possible consequences of a quarrel and that the lost nerve cells will not recover. Try to get distracted - for example, count to 100 or do breathing exercises.
The second rule is to pauseso that the beginning quarrel does not turn into a real scandal with screams and beating dishes. Leave the conflict zone: retire to another room, go ventilate to the street, so that you have the opportunity to think about the situation in a relaxed atmosphere. Just don’t leave demonstratively, slamming the door and rolling your eyes. Better just say that you need to cool down a bit, and then you will be ready to continue the conversation.
The third rule is to learn to control your language, watch what you say. The most serious conflicts often start with insignificant trifles that are replaced by reproaches for past mistakes: one of you returned home late a couple of months ago, forgot to take out the trash, the other poured a coffee on your laptop, and spent your money unreasonably. Why fuel the conflict even more? After all, we are talking about what has already been completed. Learn to forget the mistakes of the past, not to reproach them for each other, not to get personal. Insults penetrate deeply into the memory of not only children but also adults.
You can also try to change the topic of conversation and discuss something more pleasant. After that, a return to the subject of a quarrel will become less emotional.
Of course, everything is not perfect in family life, so scandals happen at all. Only I am sure that it is in our power to weaken the conflict, so as not to rake up its consequences later.
What to do if a scandal has taken place, moreover, in front of the child’s eyes
If the baby saw his parents quarreling, he definitely needs to talk and discuss this situation. Explain to the baby in a language that he understands, which caused a scandal. Try to convince him that the conflict is over, and this will never happen again. Do not forget to add that all the said offensive words were a mistake, but in fact, mom and dad are kind and good and love each other.
Make peace among themselves. The main thing is for the baby to see that everything is working out and the parents again normally communicate with each other. You just shouldn't pretend that you are putting up for the sake of the child (that is, you should not arrange a “truce performance” for your child’s only). Kids acutely feel falsity and insincerity.
Show your crumbs love. Hug and kiss your child, tell me how much you love him. The child needs to know and feel that in his family everyone loves each other.
We also read:Very simple ways to show children that you love them.
If you quarrel so that it comes to fights, you should seriously think about it. At least discuss with your spouse in a relaxed atmosphere what is happening between you. You can also resort to the help of a family therapist. Remember that children from a young age silently watch all family dramas. They cannot answer and even just leave the conflict zone. Year after year passes, and for kids, this state of affairs is becoming the norm. In the future, they will transfer the same model of relationships to their families.
If a boy constantly watches his father beat his mother, in adult life he simply will not be able to treat women well. The norm for him will be the resolution of any conflicts with his wife with his fists. He will not have respect for his own mother, and, therefore, for all other women.
For a girl growing up in such a family, the model of mother’s behavior will become the norm. When she grows up, she will not respect herself, will assume the role of a victim, will constantly go bruised from beatings, and for her it will be a normal way of life. After all, this is a model of the family in which she lived and which became normal for her.
Unfortunately, complete families are not always healthy. Rather, I mean that family relations should be harmonious. It is important that the child brought up in love and happiness, and the house was his fortress, in which he feels protected. In families with the opposite situation, children, as teenagers, often run away from home, because they are uncomfortable there.
Even if the family broke up, this is not a reason to give up. Each of us can build new relationships. Only when choosing a future spouse or spouse do not forget about the child. Difficulties await us everywhere, but with the right approach, you can create a harmonious family for your child.
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I want to focus on the fact that from birth, the child is a person, he has rights not only to food, a roof over his head, clothes, training, but also to mental health. Baby need educate in love and harmony from the first days of his life. If something in your family is not perfect, work on it. Indeed, any quarrel that occurs in front of a child’s eyes is put off by a heavy burden in his memory and leads to complexes and health problems in adulthood. If you feel that conflict is inevitable, try to explain to the baby what is happening, only very delicately so as not to harm his psyche.
Conflicts happen in all families. This is normal, because there is no escape from everyday troubles. Only some can keep silent on time, calmly discuss everything and smooth out the conflict, while others only intensify passions and inflate a minor quarrel in a stormy scandal. I am sure that the family still needs to be built on love and respect for each other. Therefore, learn to resolve disputes peacefully, to respect yourself and your child.
And most importantly: remember that your child is your reflection, you are the main example for him in life. So start with yourself and change for the better in order to become a worthy role model for a child.
We read more: Parental Quarrels and Family Scandals: Impact on the Child
Irina Mlodik - “Family scandals and a child”
Mom’s school: how family scandals affect the psyche of a child
This is a problem for many parents. Here you already need to think not about your emotions, but about the child, he will definitely suffer and get scared from screams and scandals. At the very little daughter, sometimes with his wife we bark at each other inadvertently, but each time we run to the daughter and both kiss her, letting her know that everything is fine with us and we don’t swear. Take care of your children.