How to take husband's children from their first marriage - wise woman's advice

Not all men manage to save their first marriage. Some families break up when relationships come to a standstill for various reasons. Children suffer the most - they are forced to be “between two fires”. If a man decides to remarry, his second wife is also not easy - she has to communicate with her husband’s children from his first marriage. Unfortunately, not all girls manage to find a common language with them. How to learn to get along with children from the first marriage of a spouse? How to accept them? How to prevent negative emotions from destroying your own family?

Communication of the husband with children from the first wife - what can it be?

When a man starts a new family, conflicts often arise between the parties. Children suffer most in this situation, and it does not matter with whom they stayed - with mom or dad. The new companion of her husband is unlikely to be able to immediately fall in love with other people's children, which is why they have twice as much difficulty. And what situations can the second spouse face?

• Children from the first wife live with their mother, and their father continues to maintain relations with them - comes to visit them, picks them up during the holidays, gives gifts. The new spouse has to endure the frequent visits of the children and be kind to them, although in her heart this situation is annoying;
• Dad does not communicate with children from the first family, does not participate in their upbringing, and the ex-wife makes calls, demanding participation in their lives. This infuriates both the man and his new spouse;
• If the child has already matured, he himself visits the father in his house, sometimes he remains to spend the night. The new spouse does not like this, but she cannot influence the circumstances;
• Children remained in the care of the husband and live with him (at will or by court order). Then the new companion will take on their upbringing.

The current spouse needs to make every effort to maintain the relationship of the father with his children. To help this, you need to avoid misbehavior. Which one?

• You can not forbid them to see;
• Do not get annoyed when children come to visit dad;
• Do not arrange scenes, accompanying them with the words: “Whose children are more important to you?”;
• Do not be jealous of the ex-wife of the husband, do not vent anger and irritation on his children;
• Do not commit rash acts that would lead to a breakdown.

How should a new spouse act in order to preserve peace and love?

• When the husband’s child comes to visit, try to help the spouse to accept him well;
• Remind when a child has a holiday or any significant event;
• Try to create a pleasant atmosphere at home so that father and children feel comfortable communicating. Positive emotions will help children easier to bear the divorce of their parents;
• If the child lives with dad, the new wife should accept him as her own. It is important to learn how to calmly respond to visits and calls of the ex-spouse, because she is the mother, her participation in the lives of children is necessary;
• To accept the fact that a child from her husband’s first marriage is part of his life, this cannot be changed. There are only two options - to accept a spouse with his children or to look for a man not burdened with past relationships;
• Treat him and his children with equal love, care, equally share gifts, food and clothes, create equal restrictions for everyone.

How to stop experiencing jealousy and hatred of her husband’s children?

Why can the second wife feel negative feelings towards her husband’s children - anger, hatred and jealousy? There are several reasons for this:

1. A woman does not have her own child.
2. She doesn't like children at all.
3. The new wife is jealous of her ex.
4. A woman does not want to share a spouse with anyone at all.
5. Greed - you have to spend a lot of money on maintaining a child.
6. Resentment - the girl believes that her husband is more concerned about the well-being of his children than her own.

How to cope with these emotions?

1. It is important to realize that a man will not be able to cross out children from his first wife from his life, he will keep in touch with them - see each other, call, buy gifts. There are situations when fathers cease all relations with their former family, but this rarely happens.
2. Never ask your husband to choose between you and his child, more often the choice will be made not in your favor.
3. Try to find an approach to his children, try to become his friend. The husband will certainly appreciate this, he will be happy, knowing that you love his children as your own.
4. If you have negative feelings for his ex-spouse, do not splash them on the children.

How to build friendships with children from the first marriage of her husband?

The main thing is to put yourself in the place of a child - imagine what it feels like in a new family? It does not matter whether he lives here permanently or comes to visit dad. It resembles a little kitten lost in an unfamiliar place. If scandals and scenes often arise in your house, dissatisfaction is expressed about the former family, then the children seem to be “out of place”. But your main task is to gain their authority to create trusting relationships. How to do it?

• If the child is open to communication with you and easily makes contact, do not push him away. He should not think that interferes with your relationship with his dad;
• Children have the right to be jealous of your father for you, because you came to his life later. In fact, show that you do not fill up all the free time of the spouse. Help your spouse organize joint walks with your son or daughter, and gradually join the company yourself. Pleasant moments shared together bring people together;
• Getting used to the role of a good stepmother, do not overdo it. You don’t need to have fun with your child, smile, fill him with gifts and convince that you are delighted with him. Children always feel false. It’s clear that it’s almost impossible to fall in love with someone else’s child right away, but playing in public should not be. Act carefully and gradually. Step, second, third. Over time, you will get used to each other;
• Do not put the interests of your children above the interests of the child of the spouse. Treat everyone the same way, although this is not easy;
• Accept that the husband continues to communicate with his ex-wife - this is necessary and inevitable. Pacify your jealousy, it is meaningless, because the man has already made a choice in your favor. If you yourself do not destroy the relationship with stupid actions, the husband will love you.

What should a father do to maintain a relationship with his children from his first wife?

Men with high self-esteem may not be uncomfortable with the realization that two women are competing because of him.If this situation did not affect children, it could be ignored. Therefore, a man who is married again and now has children in both the first and second families needs to behave properly. What should he remember and what to do?

• Respect the feelings of the new spouse. Communicate with the former so as not to give a reason for outbreaks of jealousy to the new spouse;
• Become a good father for children from both the first and second marriage, provide them with the same support, devote time to each of them;
• If you are offended by your first wife, this is not a reason to leave the children, because they love you as before;
• No matter how “contagious” your ex may be, be above this situation: never say anything bad about her — neither to your children in common with her, nor to your new spouse;
• When a new companion makes attempts to make friends with your children, find a common language, support her. It is really difficult for her to restrain her resentment and pacify her jealousy;
• Create such a transparent relationship with your ex-wife that the current one can be completely confident in you. So you will avoid misunderstandings and quarrels on the topic: “Did you go to your ex again?”, Then you don’t have to explain that your mother asked to help her with the child.

Let the children and not your relatives, but the husband, you are able to make them happy. Try to build good and lasting relationships with them, then real peace and harmony will reign in your family.

Jealous husband to his child from his first marriage ...

I have a terrible feeling of jealousy for my husband’s child from my first marriage. I do not say anything to my husband, but inside me there is a flame of jealousy. And I myself can’t understand why. The child is already big, 10 years old. But my husband spends his time and attention on him. And it hurts me. I read an article about the fact that it’s good that a man communicates with a child from his first marriage, but that doesn’t calm me down ...

How not to be jealous of a husband for a child from a previous wife