Until eight months, my son slept all night, waking up only once to eat. It was wonderful! But once everything changed. One night, he woke up at two in the morning and woke up the whole family. And off we go ... He began to wake up at night almost every hour. And my husband and I completely stopped sleeping. It was urgent to do something.
We started by looking for a reason. A few days ago, I began to put my son to sleep in his arms (he used to fall asleep during feeding himself). There were no more changes, which means that it was because of this that our night's sleep went bad. But why? Trying to figure it out, I stumbled upon a book by Richard Ferber, a well-known American specialist in baby sleep, “Child's Dream. The solution to all problems. ” I read reviews about his methodology, and they were impressive: it took a lot of mothers just a week for their children to learn how to sleep soundly until morning! The next day I bought a book.
Why does the baby wake up
Ferber believes that the awakening between the phases of sleep is absolutely normal for everyone: for adults and for children. But if an adult wakes up at night, he immediately falls asleep, then the child does not always succeed. Why? The fact is that in order for children to fall asleep after a night awakening, they need the same conditions in which he fell asleep in the evening. That is, if in the evening the mother put the baby to sleep in her arms, then at night she will have to get up to repeat this manipulation - otherwise the child simply will not fall asleep. Ferber calls this “negative association with sleep.” And the solution is simple: to teach the baby to fall asleep on his own according to the method of prolonged waiting.
Drag out method
In the usual time for falling asleep, you need to put the child in a crib and conduct an evening ritual. It can be anything, for example, reading a book, singing a song or just patting the head. After that, you need to turn off the light, leave the room and close the door.
The most important thing on the first day is not to return to the child earlier than after 3 minutes, even if he begins to cry. After this time you need to go into the room, calm the baby and go out again. The second time you need to return to the child after 5 minutes, the third and subsequent - after 7. If the baby wakes up at night - lay in the same way.
The intervals between calls should be increased daily for several minutes. On the second day, the intervals are 5/7/10 minutes, on the third - 7/10/12, and so on, until you reach 20/25/30.
Of course, before starting, I had doubts. Yes, and child psychologists unanimously argue that you can not ignore a crying child.But in Ferber’s book there are a lot of differences between this method and the outdated and cruel “he will bite and fall asleep”.
My husband and I nevertheless decided, but with one caveat: if after the third call our son does not fall asleep, we stop the experiment and lay it as usual. We reassured ourselves that 15 minutes of screaming is not so much, they are unlikely to somehow affect his mental health.
Method Comparison Chart
| Drag out method | Scream Method | |
|---|---|---|
| Reason for falling asleep | Calming ("Parents visit, everything is fine!") | Despair (“They left me!”) And the powerlessness of screaming |
| Formed habit to fall asleep | Independently | After a scream |
| Effect on night awakenings | The child himself “glues” the phases of sleep, because woke up in the same conditions in which he fell asleep | The child himself “glues” the phases of sleep, because woke up in the same conditions in which he fell asleep |
| Psychological trauma | It is unlikely: the child sees that the parents come to the call | Probable: the child feels abandoned |
Go!
1 day. Having sprinkled kisses on my son, I left the room at exactly 9:00 pm, closed the door tightly and noted the time. The first 3 minutes he whimpered softly. But after my first call, he began to have a real tantrum. The next 5 minutes were very difficult for me: I wanted to howl in a voice with my son, but I still stood it. And after the third call a miracle happened: he calmed down and fell asleep! And most importantly - it was the first night of the last month, when he slept until the morning with one break for feeding.
2 day. The first interval between calls was 5 minutes, but the son began to whimper only at the very end. And after my first visit, he calmed down and fell asleep. But during the night he woke up 2 times, and I could not stand it and again took him in my arms. It was my mistake, but remembering the results of the first night, we still decided to continue.
3 day. I left my son in the crib for 7 minutes, and he never cried! He calmly waited for my first visit, received his portion of tenderness and immediately fell asleep. We slept all night, and only in the morning the son woke up to feed, after which he slept for several hours. It was like a fairy tale!
Result
After the third day, we did not increase the intervals between visits. Basically, my baby falls asleep without any vagaries even before the first call. But it also happens that after 7-10 minutes he starts to whimper - then I stop by, calm him down, kiss him, and he falls asleep.
For all time, night awakenings have happened twice: on the second night and on the seventh. I again had to rock my son in my arms. But then our sleep patterns returned to normal: as before, the baby began to sleep from 9 p.m. to 8 a.m. with one break for feeding. Now we get enough sleep again!
We also read:
The child will scream NIGHT and not approach him, according to the timer 3-5-7 minutes.
Maybe the author himself also thinks of a timer to hit the wall, 3-5-7 times, respectively ...