The story of the husband’s cruelty towards native children

I decided to write this story six months after the divorce from my husband. This is such a cry from the woman who had to choose between her beloved man and two children. I, as many in my place would have done, preferred my daughter and son.

Birth of babies

So, I got married at 21. My husband - Arseny - works as an ambulance paramedic. The wedding was modest, not crowded, because all Russia wanted my mother’s mom (she, you see, from the noise pressure rose and tachycardia developed). Even then, I had to pay attention to her significant superiority and desire to lead in the framework of our family. But all the shortcomings of my mother were blocked by my love for Seine.

A year later, I had twins - daughter Vika and son Igor. I was in seventh heaven with happiness. The children were strong, healthy, well-fed. After that, everyday life began, completely dedicated to the kids.

I admit, it was very hard for me. The husband almost always disappeared at work, and in his free time, as he himself said, he “rested”. The twins were very noisy, moody. I hardly slept. Fortunately, my husband’s mother helped me a little. Well, how it helped - she came to visit us and immediately established her own rules. “Why do the children lie on the bed, and not on the ironed and steamed diapers, where there is sterility, remove the diapers from them and put on yourself when you last cleaned,” she said. I listened obediently and agreed, since I really wanted to go to Morpheus’s kingdom for at least an hour while my mother-in-law was walking with Vika and Igor.

The first manifestation of aggression towards children by the pope

Months passed, the kids grew, and it became harder for me. Dad still did not pay any attention to them, citing fatigue. Around 11 months, when the children began to walk and examine meter by meter, looking into each nook and dropping everything to the floor, I noticed some irritability behind my husband. It seemed to me that at some point he wanted to shout something, scream at the kids, but every time he restrained himself. Previously, this was not noticed behind him, but maybe I just did not have enough time to pay attention to it?

But at one point, the spouse’s peace was over. When Vika once again climbed into the dresser and began to take out everything that came under her arm, her husband came up, grabbed her arm and threw her onto the bed. Then he punished Igor in such a tough way, when he turned over a vase of fruit.Arseny went up to him and screamed loudly, then hit the priest and pushed him out of the room. And this is when the children are barely 1 year old.

Naturally, at this moment I could not keep silent, and we had a great fight. With cries and unpleasant words addressed to me, he slammed the door and went to his mother. I will not go into details and talk about what words were heard to me in the telephone receiver from my mother-in-law. Honestly, at that moment I learned a lot about myself, and deep knowledge in the selected Russian mat of my beloved mother-in-law was fully revealed. But I didn’t say anything either. Insults made me furious. I said everything I think about her and her son, and then I hung up.

Arseny was not at home for 2 days. Then he called, offered to meet in a cafe, and the children "fuse" mom. On this day we reconciled, but on the condition that he would no longer raise his hand at the children, scream, and his mother would call me names. He vowed that this would not happen again.

And again he, each time gritting his teeth, looked at the pampering of the children. Honestly, in my opinion, there could be no reason for irritability, because these are ordinary childish pranks characteristic of every child - throwing toys, crying, pulling a cat by the tail, etc. This time Arseny was long enough. I put up with the fact that he does not want to pay attention to the kids. “Oh well, maybe it’s not time yet, they will grow up, and then we'll see,” I reassured myself.

When the kids were 3 years old, I again saw the husband’s aggression against Vika. I noticed this by accident when I came from the store. The husband was yelling at his daughter so much that he didn’t even hear me open the door with the key. Looking out of the corner, I saw how he grabbed her and began to shake with all his might. I realized that in my absence this could happen all the time. And again, the scandal, leaving for my mother, a call from the mother-in-law with an impartial speech.

The reason for the husband’s cruelty

After 2 days, he again invited me to talk. I refused. In the evening he came home drunk. The children were already sleeping. He fell at my feet and in tears began to beg me to listen to him.

We went to the kitchen. After 30 drops of Corvalol, he calmed down and began to tell me terrible things. I found out that his mother beat him all his childhood (everything that came to hand). Her favorite thing was the game of silence. She could not talk with Arseny for several days for the fact that he had received the "troika" in mathematics or had not finished eating soup.

By the age of 13, according to Arseny, he still continued to be with his mother. Coevals mocked him, calling him "mother's son." At 14, when ordinary children began a puberty and hormones raged in full, Arseny continued to follow her everywhere. He was constantly afraid to do something wrong so that his mother would not be offended, would not punish him, and would not stop talking. The boy had no friends, and there was no need to talk about friendship with the girl.

And where was Pope Arseny all this time?

The husband left the mother-in-law when Arseny was 3 years old. The father did not forget about his son; he came to him on weekends and holidays. According to Arseny, parents constantly cursed. The father insisted that she was making a rag out of her son, she was plugging him. Each such scandal ended with the words of the pope: "I still take it to me."

At 15, Arseny decided to leave with his father. Without asking his mother, he hastily packed his things and left. He did not live there for long. Mother reported abduction to police. Arseny returned home. But the father did not become silent. He filed a lawsuit in court, asking him to give his son the opportunity to choose with whom he wants to live. Then it was decided that Arseny can visit his father whenever he wants. And he only wanted to live with dad.

The father-in-law succeeded, as he said, at least a little blind from the Senya "man." At 17, he even met a girl at the institute and struck up a relationship with her. Mother, of course, was against it, but her father insisted: “Just ignore her and live your life, you are already an adult.”

Arseny did so. Over the years, the mother has become accustomed to her son’s behavior. At age 20, he brought me to her apartment.I remember her reaction: gritting her teeth, she smiled and offered me tea.

We saw each other very rarely. Only when Vika and Igor were born, she began to appear in our apartment much more often.

Honestly, I did not know anything about my husband’s childhood and youth. Only now I understand that it was necessary to inquire, learn more about the spouse, or just talk, because almost all psychological injuries come to us from childhood.

Dad passed away when Arseny turned 25. If he knew how his son treated his children, he would surely have set him on the right path.

What's next?

I calmly listened to Arseny and, of course, felt sorry for him and forgave him. He blamed mother for all sins, and I didn’t really love her either. Therefore, we reconciled. And again, oath promises, and again, with gritted teeth.

And then I realized that I made a mistake. I do not know what moved my spouse. He directly spewed out hatred. It seems that he had an aversion to native children. Maybe it’s all the fault of how his mother treated him, or maybe he wanted to recoup on Igor and Vika? I do not know.

At that moment, I began to scroll through the moments of the past. And were there any manifestations of dislike for babies when they were born? Yes. I was just so immersed in caring for them that I did not notice it. After all, he practically did not approach them, did not rock him, did not change diapers. He was terribly annoyed when they started to cry. He constantly bukhit that it would be better if we had one child, and not two.

I passed it by my ears. Apparently, she thought that Seine was hard, but he worked on shifts, did not get enough sleep. But, it turns out, even then dislike arose within him, hatred of children and fatigue played far from the main role here.

His cruelty and dislike was confirmed when I again suddenly entered the apartment. He shouted at the twins again. The children were frightened, cried, and fragments of a vase lay on the floor. After this moment, he stopped talking to them and generally paid attention. Arseny pretended to have no children. It was so painful for me to watch when Vika approached my dad, and he pushed her away when Igor brought the typewriter, and he threw it on the floor.

My mother’s heart could not stand it, when at the next mistake of Vicki (she dropped a bowl of soup on the floor), he got up, grabbed his daughter by the hand, threw him on the floor and began to poke her face in the potatoes spread on the floor with rice.

I lost my speech at indignation. Running to my husband, I took his shirt and began to shake. Arseny froze in surprise in place. Then I hit him on the cheek and told him to get out of my apartment. And again the pleas for forgiveness, the oaths of promise, the accusation of my mother (pressed pity). But I remained unshakable. Arseny took the purse and left. After 10 minutes, the bell rang. Naturally, I did not pick up the phone. I didn’t want to hear new things about myself again.

3 days we lived quietly. I even liked it. No anger, tension, worries. The kids and I had a great time. By the way, neither Vika nor Igor have ever been asked where their dad went.

On the 4th day of absence Arseny rang the doorbell. I expected a spouse to appear, but I didn’t even guess what he would do. I thought that he would come again with flowers, begin to beg for forgiveness. But no. He flew into the apartment TOGETHER WITH MOM and said: "I am behind things." They both scoured the room and, slowly and carefully, folded their clothes in Arseny's bag. They probably expected me to start a conversation, or start to beg my husband for forgiveness.

In the meantime, I endured and prayed to God to leave as soon as possible. I so did not want to disturb the peace of my kids. Fortunately, neither the mother-in-law nor the spouse even remembered the children.

Six months have passed. Arseny did not appear. Mother called three times and even asked how Vika and Igor were there, but when she didn’t hear the answer, she rumbled something like “they always scream and scatter things around the apartment”. I “affectionately” asked me not to call here anymore and not to remember the way to my house. I did not forget to tell her about what her son told me then in the kitchen.Also in my words there was often an accusation that it was the mother-in-law to blame for the cruelty of her son. Fair? It became much easier for me when I spoke.

Mom during the conversation (rather, a monologue on my part) was in a light shock. I understood this from panting. Maybe she even cried. I do not know. I do not care anymore. But I am sure of one thing: I will never let Arseny and my mother-in-law again to my children and will do everything for this.

I can say with confidence that the mother will again keep her son beside her and do everything so that he does not build a family. What a pity his father left so early. I think he would still play a role in this story, and perhaps the family could be saved. But Arseny preferred again to follow his mother’s occasion.

Yes, I do not exclude my guilt. I was so immersed in children that I never spoke with my husband about his childhood, his relationship with his parents, but he was in no hurry to tell me about this. In any case, the children have nothing to do with it. I do not want them to pay for the sins of their grandmother, their father, or to become like them.