I looked at the blank Word sheet for a long time. I thought how to start my story. But I knew for sure that I wanted my situation to be a lesson for many mothers who would teach them to hear their child, to trust him, to look at the situation with sober eyes. I did the opposite. My love was so strong that I involuntarily pushed my son to the background and was immersed in a love pool.
Briefly about myself
I am 29 years old. At 21, I gave birth to a child from a beloved man. To say that I was happy is to say nothing. It was an ideal relationship that every girl dreamed about. But it happened as it happened. When Pashutka was 3 years old, my husband was in a car accident. On day 3, he died of multiple fractures and injuries incompatible with life. I will not describe all my sufferings, pain, fears, experiences. I can only say that I almost committed suicide. She changed her mind when she saw a photo of her son. At one point, I realized that I needed to live on - for his sake.
Relationship start
5 years later. Now Pasha is 8 years old. He has already gone to second grade. The son is my love, my support, the only joy and pride. At what point I pushed him to the background and stopped considering him the most dear and beloved man on earth, I don’t know. Apparently, this happened when he met on my way - handsome, gallant, dressed up, humorous and tall. All these qualities influenced me miraculously. But not the point. We began to meet, and a year later - to live together. I introduced him to Pashutka after 4 months from the beginning of the relationship.
Seryozha treated him beautifully. He brought sweets, toys, took him with him to the gym for training. In general, I was in seventh heaven with happiness, because two beloved men got along - what could be better?
They began to live with me - in a three-room apartment. At first everything was perfect (I’m talking about my son’s attitude) - gifts, walks, joint trips. Seryozha even gave Pashik the prefix he had dreamed about for so long. But this idyll did not last long, until we signed.
My indifference
My missus sharply lost his job. I drove away bad thoughts and said to myself: "So what, soon there will be a new one." I myself work as a senior economist at a bank. Sometimes I come home quite late. One of these days, a call from Pasha suddenly rang out. His voice was thrilled. The son then asked: "Mom, will you be at work for a long time?" I remember that I answered: "About two hours somewhere." I asked if everything was all right. In response I heard an affirmative answer.
But my heart did not stand still.I felt something was amiss and went home.
When I opened the door, I heard Seryozha shouting at Pasha. He forced him to wash the dishes. Somewhere in my soul I was glad that it was this petty everyday problem that became the cause of the quarrel, because what I had in my head when I was in the taxi was not connected with it at all.
The fact that Sergei was yelling at my son did not bother me at all. Now I understand that I myself have never allowed this to happen. With Pashuta, everything was decided calmly. He always understood from his expression that his mother was angry or tired. Therefore, it is not accepted in our family to scream - it was until Sergey appeared.
I went into the kitchen, saw the evil Pasha and Seryozha smiling at me. In a word, I, as always, at his sight “swam” without paying attention to my son. May all mothers forgive me, after a quarrel I didn’t even go to his room, did not talk and escorted to the bathroom. Only now I understand how wrong I was.
At night, Sergey told me terrible stories about how Pasha was a sloppy, selfish, arrogant liar. There were even accusations against me that I was not strict enough, I was not at all competent in the matter of raising my son and, in general, that I did not have enough brains in this area (BRAINS !!! - I have not heard such a thing from any man, because that didn’t allow me to say that). But I was silent and obediently nodded in response. Seryozha, clearly not expecting a positive reaction, added: “Now I will educate Paul.” I nodded again (to me ...).
To be honest, this state of affairs completely suited me. I didn’t feel the old fatigue, because Seryozha completely took control of Pasha’s attention — he did homework with him, drove him to training, and took him out of school (such a mummy in a man’s guise). Now I understand why he did it (just did not want to work).
I completely moved away from my son, giving it into the hands of my husband. I didn’t care that Pashik became clogged, silent and uncommunicative. I let through my fingers that he had stopped running to me with open arms when I arrived from work. I did not notice that my child was running away to his room as soon as Seryozha sat next to me. I did not want to realize that my son had stopped going out into the yard, talking with friends, and playing the console. In a word, I was not even interested in what was going on in his school, in training.
But once Pashutka, only seeing me, began to talk about every minute, every second spent at school. It happened with such enthusiasm, indignation or joy that I did not dare to interrupt him.
Everything secret became clear
One fine day it seemed to dawn on me. I realized that I was making a mistake when we went to the entertainment center. Pashutka refused to play table hockey with Sergei. It terribly pissed me off. I took him around the corner and screamed. Then I said: “How dare you, Seryozha does so much for you, and you are ungrateful!”
I cannot convey in words what I felt when tears appeared on my child's face. He began to cry sobbing. I could not reassure him. To say that horror gripped me is to say nothing. I grabbed Pasha in my arms and carried him outside. We sat on a bench, I hugged him tightly and through tears I asked him to tell what was happening. What I heard shocked me. I felt like a real pig (and that is to say the least). Only at that moment I noticed how bad my child was. Pasha told me that Seryozha had already beat him more than once, with everything that came to hand. To my question about why he did not tell me, the son replied that the stepfather had scared him of the orphanage.
But this is still part of the story. Seryozha, at every opportunity, told me that his mother no longer loves him, and that another child will soon be born, who will finally force him out of my life. I don’t know what was driving this man at all - either he wanted to completely control my attention, or to prove to the little child his importance, or whether he so deeply hated my son.
Pasha at that moment pressed so close to me that I roared like a beluga. Having calmed down, we returned to the entertainment center. Seryozha, having seen Pashka’s tear-stained face and my furious physiognomy, apparently understood everything. The baby hid behind me. I did not say a word to my husband. I just took things and went outside.
There was deathly silence in the car. I could not stand it. Anger just pounded out of me, but with Pasha I didn’t want to scandal. Then I suggested that my son spend an hour with Aunt Lena (my girlfriend). The son kindly agreed.
When Sergey and I were left alone, I again could not say anything. Just sat and shook her head. He was the first to speak. My faithful said the following: “And you believed this bastard? You don’t see, he does it on purpose? ”
My eyes were bloodshot, and I asked: "How did you say?" Immediately I pounced on him with his fists, not paying attention to the fact that we were driving along a crowded highway.
When I calmed down, the question followed: "Did you beat him?" He replied that he had slapped a couple of times on the pope. Something unimaginable was going on in my head - the love for Seryozha, hatred and insane resentment for the son fought.
Hard decision
We drove in silence to the house. When I went into the apartment, I immediately said: "Pack your things and leave." Prayers, petitions, promises followed, and even tears rolled down one by one in the face. But I remained adamant and pointed to the door every time. Then, at last, he packed up his things and left, saying one last thing: “So you will remain alone with your moron.” At that moment, I realized how much I was mistaken. A feeling of disgust developed in me, and not only to Seryozha, but also to myself.
My head didn’t fit how I could do this to my son. After all, he is still so small and unprotected. Of course, I myself am to blame, because I did not notice such obvious things. How many times I scolded him for slandering his stepfather, how many times I made him apologize to him, how many times I punished him for lying and forced him to sit in the room — you won’t even remember.
I still hate myself because, because of some scoundrel, I stopped kissing my child, talking to him, playing hide and seek, collecting his favorite puzzles. I despise myself for the fact that in a difficult period in Pasha’s life I ended up on the other side of the coast. I want to tear myself to pieces because I did not believe him, let everything go by chance. At that time, Pasha himself struggled with his fears and lived with the thought that his mother no longer loved him and would soon give him to an orphanage.
After this incident, I heard many more stories from my son. One of the worst is the one in which this monster hit the child on the head with a ladle when Pavlik accidentally spilled borsch on the table. After that, I told my son that we need to forget this man, like a nightmare. We never remember Seryozha again.
By the way, for those who will say that the child could lie, I’ll say right away: several people have confirmed that they raised their hands on my son. One man on the playground even told me that Seryozha hit Pavlik in the head for not losing the swing to the girl.
Here is a story. Let everyone who wants to condemn me. I will not deny my guilt. But I can say with confidence that this incident served me as a lesson. Henceforth, no man will take Pashkino a place in my heart.
