Why do I need two children?
I remember myself as a girl of kindergarten age, my first “fiancé” four-year-old Romka, with whom the details of life together were heatedly discussed. In children's dreams there was a spacious house and many children. Then I grew up. Grooms changed, and the dream remained the same until a certain age, until I realized, having come across a lot of obstacles, that life corrects children's fantasies.
Getting pregnant does not work right away
“Inflate with the wind” and “get pregnant from the sight” - these fables are believed when you are no more than 20. But as soon as the family planning process begins, there are obstacles: either your health disappointed, then your tests are bad, or even just some kind of indifference is coming. But even with good health, it is often not possible to get pregnant at will. Then sex ceases to be pleasure, and turns into an obsession with becoming a mother. It is accompanied by calculating the day and hour, an internal search for the desired sensations, and then terrible disappointment when menstruation occurs. I had to go through it personally. The dream of giving birth to a second child turned into many unsuccessful attempts and treatment.
Difficulties in subsequent pregnancies
During my first pregnancy, everything went as it should. The test showed 2 strips, and I began to count 36 weeks until the desired event - the birth of the baby. At this time, she took vitamins, tried to eat right, visited a doctor every 14 days, passed the necessary tests and thought about how to name her child. The birth took place almost at the right time.
7 years passed, and I decided on my second child. But now it was different. At first, a so-called biochemical pregnancy happened, almost imperceptibly interrupted at a very early date and not noticed by many women. However, this does not apply to those who carefully monitor the cycle, because they dream of having a baby. When such a pregnancy is interrupted, there is no limit to the afflictions of women. They worry and cry as if they had lost a real fetus, not 2 cells that had just merged with each other.
I experienced the same state.
A month later, my joy knew no bounds: a real pregnancy came with a fixed fetus. After 9 months, the long-awaited girl was born. However, the dream of having many children did not leave me. And I decided on my third child when my daughter turned a year old.
Pregnancy often does not end in childbirth
When I went for an ultrasound, a specialist informed me that the fetus froze a month ago. My despair knew no bounds. After all, all this month I stroked my stomach, talked with the future baby, and wondered who would be born. And his heart was no longer beating. Tears poured from my eyes. I asked the doctor about the reason, having blamed for my middle age. But the doctor told me that this is happening now with 19-year-olds, and in general almost 30% of pregnancies end there. Ecology is to blame. The gynecologist advised me to be treated for six months and again try to get pregnant.
Having discharged from the hospital, she quickly came to her senses. Rehabilitation at home and my children was successful. After 3 months, the thought of a child crept into my head again. After the same time, I saw 2 strips on the test. A six-month pregnancy ended in 21st week disclosure and sepsis. The chances of saving the baby already living in me were zero. Doctors fought for my life with a diagnosis of ICI. At the perinatal center, they told me that the doctors who did not sew me up 2 months ago were to blame.
Why do I need two children?
This is not a sentence if the dream remained a dream. But, paradox, my daughter barely 2 years old, there was a burning need to go to work. I got bored reading fairy tales, playing with my daughter dolls, running after her while walking around the playground. I became uninterested in talking about children with other mothers.
Perhaps someone will consider me a bad mother, but I wanted to spend at least some time on myself, to feel moments of solitude from others, to pursue a career, although it is believed that she and the children are incompatible concepts.
I do not want to sew up at 14 weeks, to lie all pregnancy with legs up, afraid to even cough. And I don’t want to worry about the children left without me when I go to the hospital for conservation.
I don’t want to lie at all, I want to live and enjoy life and raise older children. I realized that I want to move, enjoy a full life, engage in growing children, asking questions and aware of requests.
Many children - many nerves.
Children are great! I love them, but I understand that my growing daughter and son require more attention. The older my daughter gets, the more time she needs to devote to her. And the son also needs attention, and in his ten already the first signs of the teenage period are already visible. I can handle it for now, but the thought often comes to my mind: “Would I manage if there were three of them?” Probably yes ... Or maybe not, and it wasn’t given to me in vain ... In any case, there is no desire to experiment.
Sometimes I dream that I'm pregnant. Then I wake up in a cold sweat, feel my stomach and breathe a sigh of relief, it's all behind us, and no more!
We also read: Why do some people refuse to have children in the 21st century?
