Partnership with her husband: the pros and cons of joint birth, what is important for dad to know

The presence of a husband next to his wife during childbirth is called partner (or joint) birth. Not so long ago, this was out of the question. In extreme cases, the husband could be somewhere in the hospital corridor or lobby and excitedly wait for the doctor to appear with the long-awaited message about the successful birth of the son or daughter. However, not so long ago (at first - in Western Europe and America, and more recently - in Russia), the husband got the right to be with his wife at the most crucial and exciting moment - when the wife gives birth to a child. This is what is called partner birth.

About Partnership

In fact, this definition is interpreted quite widely. In other words, not only the husband can be next to his wife when a new life is born. Exactly the same right also has other people close to the mother in childbirth: girlfriend, sister, mother or mother-in-law. However, most often it is about the presence of a husband - the father of the unborn child. Male presence during childbirth may be useful in the following cases:

Seeing that the husband is nearby, the woman will feel additional support, security and confidence that everything will be fine. This will help her more easily deal with stress and pain during labor and after the baby is already born.

Dad will be able to see his child at the very first moment of his birth. This makes such a strong impression on many fathers that subsequently they treat the baby with much greater care and tenderness.

The question of whether or not to participate in the husband's parturition, the spouses should discuss in advance. Both of them need to understand that such participation is not some kind of non-standard adventure for the husband, but the opportunity to provide real help and support to the wife.

If the husband agrees to take part, he needs to collect some medical certificates in advance, without which he will not be allowed into the delivery room. A man needs to be tested for hepatitis, HIV and syphilis, undergo a fluorographic examination and take an opinion from a therapist. Please note that the certificates in question are valid for a maximum of 3 months.

Pluses of joint birth with her husband

Many psychologists, doctors, as well as those mothers and fathers who have had experience with partner births, assure that there are many advantages:

• Helping the wife to prepare for childbirth and being present at the birth of the child, the husband from the very first moment the baby is born feels like his father.This is especially important when the firstborn is to be born;
• The presence of the husband at the time of the birth of the child is a joint experience that can bring the spouses closer even more - both in terms of their entire future life together, and when caring for the child;
• It is proved that when a beloved man is nearby, a woman is much easier to tolerate pain. In addition, in this case, she is much less likely to occur postpartum stress and depression;
• The presence of a father nearby at that moment when the child was just born, helps the baby himself. The first 30-40 minutes after his birth, the baby does not sleep. He gets acquainted and remembers those objects that he sees next to him (this feature of the newborn is called imprinting) Remembering such objects, in the future the baby establishes a long-term psychological and physical connection with them. For obvious reasons, the first and foremost object of imprinting is usually mom. But if at this time there is a father next to mom, then the child, thus, establishes a connection with him. Imprinting is also remarkable for the fact that it helps to maintain such a connection throughout life. It is for this reason that every child subconsciously draws more to his mother than to his father. But this is because mom became his very first captured object. If the baby in the first minutes of his life captured two objects (mom and dad), then in the future he will treat both parents equally.

Being next to his wife and a newborn baby, a man can take the trouble on the preparation of necessary documents.

What important task does dad do right after giving birth

Savitsky Alexey Gennadievich - obstetrician-gynecologist, doctor of medical sciences:

Cons of joint birth

Some of them are completely surmountable and removable, others can cause very serious consequences - primarily in psychological terms. Therefore, it is necessary to state: before deciding on a joint birth, everything should be considered and weighted, taking into account precisely the psychological characteristics of both spouses:

• Some women are sure that if a beloved man wants to be present when she gives birth, then, therefore, he will not move away from her to the very end - that is, until the moment the baby is born. According to many doctors and obstetricians, this is a very common female mistake. Not every man is capable of unceremoniously enduring such a sight. Statistics show that approximately every fifth man who attended the birth receives such a deep psychological trauma that its consequences can affect for many years, and sometimes all his life. In this case, the spouse usually understands that, in fact, he cannot help his wife with anything, and begins to consider his stay nearby in the delivery room a mistake;
• There are frequent cases when especially impressionable husbands lose consciousness during the birth of a wife. This causes a reasonable discontent among doctors who, instead of helping a woman in labor, have to bring her husband to life;
• If a man knows that he is impressionable, it will be better if he refuses to participate in joint labor. The wife should not insist on this;
• If the overly impressionable future dad still wants to be with his wife, then let it be a lite version of his presence. For example, he must leave the room at the time of the birth itself, and return when the baby is already born;
• Some future mothers, inviting her husband to take part in childbirth, at the most inopportune moment begin to think that they are disheveled and not made up, and therefore ugly, because of which the husband will cease to love them. Due to worries about this, the process of childbirth in a woman can be delayed and cause her additional suffering. In such cases, the husband is better to show understanding and leave the delivery room;
• There are many cases when a family breaks up precisely because of a partner birth. Here, again, the whole point is in psychology - in this case, mainly in men.Having seen firsthand what the birth of a child really is, a man is so penetrated by what he has seen and experienced that he cannot forget it in the future, as a result of which his attitude to his wife becomes much worse. In the specialized literature, cases are described when husbands participating in joint labor cool off to their wife both psychologically and physically, which is the reason for the divorces. As for women, because of their nature, they forget much more quickly all the features and nuances of childbearing. Therefore, they usually do not have any complexes for the fathers of their children in connection with the birth of a child. Accordingly, the birth of a baby is usually not the cause of divorce for a woman.

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There are husbands who have everything in order with the nervous system and sensibility. One of the latest fashion trends is the presence of a persistent dad during childbirth with a video camera on which he tries to shoot the entire process of the birth of the heir from beginning to end. If a man got into the delivery room legally, then no one has the right to forbid him from filming. Although - such a shooting usually annoys both doctors and the woman in labor. Doctors - because dad prevents them from doing their own thing, wife - because often video filming causes her dislike of her husband: instead of supporting her with a kind word, her beloved man runs around with a camera.

Another nuance associated with partner birth is the following. If the husband and wife decided to give birth together, then for obvious reasons, this should happen in a separate room, in the absence of other women in labor. However, not every medical institution can provide such rooms, and if it can, then for a fee. Therefore, one should know that there are no free joint births.

When you need and when you don't need joint birth

The husband, as well as the wife, may have different reasons in order to decide on joint birth. As for the husband, this may be love for his wife and unwillingness to leave her at a difficult moment, the stories of other fathers who have already participated in partner births, etc. Women hope that in the presence of a beloved man they will more easily endure prenatal and birth pains. In general, there can be many reasons, and each couple can have their own.

In which cases you need to refrain from participating in joint labor:

• If the man is too nervous and impressionable;
• If the husband wants to be present at childbirth solely for his own curiosity, or at all, he cannot clearly explain his desire. A curious audience (even if this is the husband of the woman in labor) will annoy the doctors and interfere with them and make the woman nervous, which can complicate the delivery. Therefore, the wife should try to convince her husband that it is better for him not to be at this time, but, for example, in the hospital hall;
• It is not necessary to drag her husband to the hospital forcibly, if it is noticeable that he himself does not want it and even is afraid;
• If the husband sees that the wife wants to invite him to childbirth in order to show how she will suffer, and not for real help, then in this case the husband will do the right thing if he refuses to participate.

You can participate in joint births in the following cases:

• The husband himself offers this and assures that he will endure;
• The wife is not against the participation of the husband;
• The husband supported his wife throughout the pregnancy, they went to physical examinations together, he knows how and with what features the pregnancy proceeded;
• Beloved man is mentally prepared to participate in a partner birth and knows what to do if an unforeseen or dangerous situation occurs.

If all these moments and nuances are present in the life of a married couple, then the participation of the husband will be justified and will bring mutual benefit.

Dad in childbirth: what a man needs to know

Oleg talks about the presence at the birth of his wife. How it was? Worth it or not, fears and apprehensions. Discussions have been ongoing on this topic for a long time. Both supporters and opponents of joint birth have significant arguments:

Conditions for giving birth to a husband

To participate in joint labor, a number of conditions must be met. First of all, you should know that the husband or other relative has the inalienable right to be with his wife when she gives birth. This is stated in paragraph 2 of Article 51 of the Federal Law of the Russian Federation dated November 21, 2011 No. 323-ФЗ “On the Basics of Protecting the Health of Citizens in the Russian Federation”. This is in theory. With regard to practice, a special permit issued by a medical institution is required for attendance. The following points should be reflected in the permit:

1. Consent of the wife to the husband to be present at childbirth.
2. The consent of the medical staff on the same occasion.
3. The husband has all the necessary medical certificates.
4. The woman has no contraindications that can interfere with joint birth.
5. The delivery room has all the necessary conditions for joint delivery.

Julia:Here it is necessary not only to watch the husband’s desire, but also his own. If you are ready to show yourself in this form, if his presence does not hinder you from relaxing, then already some of the doubts will disappear. Well, before giving birth, it would be nice to prepare a husband, see a film about childbirth so that he was ready, or how he would panic.

At the same time, you need to know that the said law, even if all of the above conditions are present, allows doctors to refuse a husband or some other relative to be near a woman in labor. For example, if a woman needs operative delivery (cesarean section), doctors have every right to not allow anyone into the operating room. Or - doctors may believe that the presence of someone outsider (even if he is the husband of the woman in labor) will interfere with their work, and, accordingly, the end result of this work is the normal birth of the baby. Other doctors simply do not like it when someone outsiders "breathes in the back of their head". To allow or not to allow a husband to be with his wife when she gives birth is the legal right of doctors.

READ ALSO:

• My birth went perfectly thanks to my husband
• “I saw my baby being born. I saw a miracle. " 3 stories of fathers about joint birth
• Demyan Popov: partnership delivery in detail, pros and cons

Reviews of men from the forums

Denis Zubov:I left the partner birth an hour ago. I have a son. Firstborn. Congratulations are accepted. I want to tell. Firstly. Partnership delivery is not a contemplation by a man on how his son is born, but rather help to his mother (wife), both physical and psychological. What men are afraid of - to see a woman in an unsightly form and from the wrong angle - all this is nonsense. Today I spent exactly 12 hours in the birth place. Of these, 10 minutes went childbirth (actually a busy period). Moreover, the thoughts at the same time are not about that at all, but about the lolik, about the future life, about the high. Those who are not afraid of blood in principle, and other biological fluids of his wife in particular. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND THE WIFE WILL BE Grateful !!!

Vadim: Advice from dad giving birth with his wife - The impressions are very different, the hardest thing is to watch when the beloved person’s struggles, and when the process itself is in progress, is easier, it seems that the light is already visible at the end of the tunnel 🙂 In principle, the wife said that I She helped a lot. For example, I don’t remember how I went home after childbirth. So you decide ... Personally, I would advise 3-wait to think about the decision to give birth together.

Alexei:They also dissuaded me, they said that they say you won’t see anything good there, and psychological problems can arise. I did not agree with all the counselors and was present at the birth, helped, which I do not regret at all. There is nothing terrible, dirty and the like. Everything is quite natural and normal. There are no psychological problems at all. His wife even became better treated. So, if you really want to, then why not.

Women's reviews

Alena Britan:My husband was with me at childbirth, only in the prenatal, I didn’t go to the rodzal but heard everything))) He said he did not regret it.Although when I first talked with him about a partnership (being pregnant), I made five-eyed eyes and said “well, I don’t know ... what I will do there ... scary ...” The first fear was that he didn’t know how it all went . When I explained to him in detail how what was happening, the fear was over. Now proud to be with me. His help was to make a massage, go to the toilet with me, call a doctor, give me some water or something else. But the presence of her husband in childbirth greatly influenced the attitude of medical staff towards me. Everyone was attentive, caring, friendly. After 2 days, my girlfriend gave birth there - a prenatal opposite my ward. I went to her, so that she could do a massage, or maybe something else she asked b. The nurse kicked me out of there vividly - they say nothing, let her yell, everyone gives birth and she will give birth. A friend asked to call a doctor, so no one but me went to get a doctor. A friend screams “BORN ALREADY” the nurse “early on, endure”, but it turned out she really gives birth. In general, the husband is proud that he was nearby, that he had the opportunity to take the baby in his arms. Looking through the pictures from the Rodzal, my heart is already freezing))) I also plan to ask friends how my husband in the male circle talked about childbirth.)))

Katia:I gave birth to two, I’ll go for the third soon. gave birth alone and did not want her husband to look at me and generally participate in this, it’s really some kind of sacrament .... something = mine, originally female, in general I’m selfish! then it’s so nice to describe all this to her husband, to tell him that he is proud of you, regrets, respects you! but during fights, you don’t remember anything from pain, my husband would only hinder my opinion ... but I respect all the men who went through this with his wife!

Dasha:if both want and both are ready (that is, in the know what will happen there for real) - then you have to go. The only advice is let dad read about the physiology of childbirth, watch movies about childbirth and let him know how to help you - massage, etc. men cannot stand aside, if it’s hard for the wife, they have to do something (their nature is such), therefore the husband should a clear set of precisely his obligations.

conclusions

There is no unequivocal opinion about whether a husband should or should not be with his wife during childbirth. But at the same time, there are well-reasoned advice from specialists regarding which couples do not recommend this. Not to heed such advice would be unreasonable.

Firstly, these are families in which spouses have an unreliable relationship. For this reason, the wife’s pregnancy and upcoming births may not establish marital relations, but rather aggravate. If the husband is near during childbirth, the woman may recall the grievances inflicted on him, as a result of which childbirth can be complicated. Therefore, here is one of two things: either - the couple should solve all the problems in advance, or - they should refuse joint birth.

Secondly, these are couples living in a civil marriage. Although at present such a marriage is considered in the order of things, however, in a psychological sense, a woman is arranged in such a way that in any case she wants her veil to have a veil, an engagement ring on her finger and a stamp in her passport. During childbirth, all these unfulfilled desires for women can cause a woman stress and resentment of the child's father present nearby, as a result of which all sorts of complications are possible.

In all other cases, the participation or non-participation of the husband in joint labor depends on the decision of the spouses themselves.

My first birth story + Video from the hospital. Partnership with a husband

Tutta Larsen

Partnership delivery: how is dad useful in childbirth? And in what cases is giving birth an extra?