Very often, young parents talk with a child on serious topics, believing that the baby is still thoughtless and still does not understand anything. Even very young children catch the intonation and non-verbal messages of their parents in communication. What can we say about older babies, for whom everything is new, as a signal - "listen, remember, act."
The child's perception of people, objects, communication styles, the world as a whole directly depends on his parents, therefore it is so important to consciously approach the issue of conversation in the presence of a child. It is clear that under the ban intimate topics, talk about violence, crimes, etc.
Let's look at those topics that at first glance seem completely harmless, but that can greatly affect the mental and moral development of your baby.
What are mom and dad afraid of?
Parents' fears should not be realized by the baby, you do not need to show the child all their anxieties. The kid is already full of his own experiences from monsters under the bed to scary dreams and biting dogs. Your anxieties will certainly be passed on to the child.
If a mother, for example, while dad is away, will tirelessly say how scary it is to sleep alone, check doors and windows, and in the end even put the baby to bed with him, then the child will be wary of this situation, he will stop feeling its security.
If one day you say that it’s already dark and scary, you need to run home, or someone will certainly attack you, do not be surprised that at dusk the baby will be afraid to leave the house even in your presence.
Remember that you are the authority for your crumbs, an unbreakable wall, you should be comfortable and safe with you. Dad and mom as superheroes will defeat all evil and protect their child.
Relation of relatives to the birth of the baby
In no case do not say that someone close did not want her mother to give birth to a child. The kid does not need to know that dad was not ready to become a father, and grandmothers generally waited for the granddaughter, not the grandson.
Even if your child has little contact with his father or other relatives, you should not express their opinion about the birth of the baby. The child loves selflessly loved ones who pay attention to him, take care and also show tender feelings for him. Do not injure the psyche of the baby.
It’s even better to never tell the child such information at all, even if he’s already very big.
Disputes about parenting
In the presence of a child, one should not talk about methods of upbringing, success in development, and measures of punishment.For the most part, the upbringing process for children is a self-evident process, part of life, and in no way carefully planned actions. The kid believes that what you are doing and saying is not a technique, but the only right option, encouragement is really honest praise, and not the ability to influence its development and perception of the world.
No need to discuss how you plan to punish the baby, then you will cool off and forget about it, and the child will still be anxiously awaiting reprimand.
In addition, there is no need to argue about which of the parents correctly brings up the child, and who makes mistakes. The kid should be aware of the coordination of your actions, then he will not have doubts about your innocence.
Severe mother's pregnancy and childbirth
So that the child does not have feelings of guilt before the parents, one does not need to go into details about how hard it was for mother to bear the baby, how she lay in the hospital, pricked injections and did not sleep at night. Your baby still cannot fully understand why mom was so hard and hurt, and most likely, he will accept this information as a reproach in his direction, because if not for him, then mother could have avoided everything.
Information about childbirth is not at all for children's ears, if you do not want the baby to start asking questions that you won’t know how to give an answer.
Your negative attitude towards teachers
Even if you categorically do not like the teaching approach to education and training in kindergarten or school, you should not talk about it with the kid. You can share your opinions with relatives in private.
Reluctance to study, do homework, or even go to kindergarten, a child can explain by the fact that his teacher or teacher is not good enough, not smart, not like him.
Children like litmus papers absorb your attitude to what is happening and to people, including. Therefore, do not be surprised that your child has the same opinion about a person as yours.
It’s better not to give an assessment to the person who gives the child knowledge and educates him as a member of society, even if you don’t like the teacher. It is in your power to change the class, school, kindergarten, but even so you do not need to discover the true reason for your actions, it’s better to come up with neutral grounds.
Quarrels and mutual reproaches
In a prosperous family, the baby loves dad and mom equally, his quivering feelings apply to the closest environment, your loved ones. The child does not need to witness the scandals of his parents, he will not understand the reason, he will simply be scared, not understanding who is right and who is to blame. For a child, a family should be associated with calm and tenderness, well-being and security.
If after a quarrel you allow yourself to say unflattering remarks about the second half with a child, the baby can take this to heart. You’ll cool off, make peace, and your baby will still worry, because “dad is callous and soulless”, “and mom is a hysteric.” The child does not want and cannot distinguish one of you, he is not obliged to take sides in a quarrel, therefore you, as parents, must protect the baby from his own clarification of relations.
The truth about relatives
If your relatives, even distant ones, have their skeletons in the closet, do not give out their secrets to the child. Information about that, which is unpleasant for you to hear, the details of what the unscrupulous great-grandfather did, or how grandfather went into the bout, is not needed for the crumbs.
All information will come. In a conscious and conscious age, your child will draw his conclusions about the life and behavior of his ancestors.
Fictitious secrets
“Come on, it will be our secret, and we won’t talk to anyone about it,” dad suggests, hiding the stash, or offering to watch football instead of walking. The child, of course, becomes interested, because he was mistaken for an adult who is trusted. But gradually, given the love and affection for both parents, the baby begins to suffer from the realization that he is deceiving a parent who is not aware of the secret.
Excessive experiences are useless to the children's psyche.
Do not injure children with your conversations, consider the age of your child, his relationship to you and relatives. Learn to control yourself in disputes and manifestations of emotions. You are responsible for the stability of the emotional balance of the baby, for his education and acceptance of life.
Many psychologists say that children are full members of your family, you can not hide the truth from them. Nevertheless, think about whether the child is ready for your truth, or whether you should wait a moment with the revelations until the moment when they do not injure the children's psyche.
Let your “main” secrets be pleasant surprises for the baby.
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