“To give birth does not mean to become a mother!” This phrase became speaking to me right after I gave birth to my beloved daughter. Frankly, I imagined motherhood a little differently - more carefree and easy or something. But no. It still seems to me that all the problems that my mother can touch have passed through me. And the reason is not only in me, or in my child, family, lifestyle. The thing is that every mother goes through these difficulties and there’s no escape from them.
Body change
Before birth, I weighed 53 kg. After - 61 kg. Moreover, my hips increased in size and did not fit into any of my favorite jeans that I wore before the appearance of my baby. The only thing that delighted me was the chest. It was elastic and several sizes larger. But this beauty disappeared when I stopped feeding. The mammary glands, literally, a month later returned to their previous appearance and slightly sagged.
Fat was on the belly, sides and buttocks. There were stretch marks. I was very complex and even embarrassed to undress in front of my husband. It hurt me to look in the mirror. “Where did the former beauty go?” I asked myself, squeezing the folds on my stomach and sides.
What I did: I told myself "enough", otherwise, not far from depression. I searched the Internet and found some useful videos. The dances with exercises attracted me the most. At least 3 times a week, I began to dance (listening to music on headphones). When fatigue made itself felt, I missed fitness, so as not to finish myself completely.
I danced for 20-30 minutes a day. Then she grabbed the rope and the hoop. I admit, at first I forced myself, but then I got used to it and could no longer without physical exertion. By the way, video motivation helps very well, where girls with beautiful figures are shown. So, if laziness overcame me, I look at it, then I go to the mirror and squeeze fat in all the problem areas.
And further. At one of the forums I read a very interesting article written by a famous psychologist. She taught to take her body. The article said that a woman should understand that she is allowed some errors in the figure, because she gave a person life. In general, high self-esteem and self-confidence is also a very important component for every mother who has recently given birth to a baby.
Think of all this as a transformation and transition to a new level: you gave life to a person, and small errors in appearance are forgivable to you.But it will still be useful to sign up for a fitness / pool / massage course or exercise at home to strengthen the muscles that weakened during pregnancy and increase self-esteem.
Self-doubt
If the child is the first in the family, then each mother will feel insecure, despite the fact that a lot of relevant literature has been re-read and a huge number of videos have been watched. I admit, I was worried about any reason - how to bathe, how to feed, how to dress, what to do after bathing procedures, etc., etc.
What I did: Only with time did I realize that all this was pointless. No need to focus on the fact that someone does not know how. Everything will come with time. For everything your way.
“I won’t give my baby in arms!”
I, like many young mothers, did not want to give my child to anyone. For example, I was horrified when my mother-in-law, and other relatives, took my daughter out of the stroller, pressed her to her or threw her up. What can I say, I even stood next to my godmother on the christening and supported the baby so that she would not fall out of my hands. Everyone gradually got used to it and took their daughter in their arms (as I later learned from my husband) when I did not see this.
What happened next: My hyper-custody didn’t lead to anything good. A daughter up to 2 years old didn’t go to anyone at all. And I really wanted it. The back sometimes simply “fell off”, because she had to carry the child in her arms constantly (she did not like to sit in the stroller, she only slept). I still remember my mother’s words: “Well, have you played enough?”
So, I recommend not to make such a mistake. It is necessary at least sometimes to give the baby the opportunity to tactfully communicate with relatives, especially grandparents. Let the children feel their love and warmth. Yes, and mom will be a little easier. You can do a good rest at this time.
Closed space
My baby is already 4 years old. To be honest, my daughter has never slept with her grandmothers and has never been with a nanny. Before the birth, my husband and I walked constantly, traveled everywhere, attended various events, went to the cinema. After the birth of a daughter, her whole life changed dramatically. I haven’t been to the cinema for about 3 years, I am generally silent about long trips and entertainment events. The first year we did not meet friends, did not go to restaurants. The only thing you could enjoy was a portion of sushi, or pizza ordered in an online store (and then after I breast-fed).
Then the kindergarten began. And only at that time I began to breathe. Even communication with mummies, educators brought me pleasure. The husband is always absent due to his position, the mother works at 2 jobs, and the father-in-law and mother-in-law are physically unable to spend time with a small child, as they are already at an advanced age. Therefore, the lack of communication on the face.
What I was wrong about: I think I made a big mistake by spending so much time in a confined space. Brought herself to the fact that, looking into someone’s eyes, terribly blush. It was nevertheless necessary to listen to the advice of friends and, at least, occasionally leave the baby for an hour or a nanny for an hour. I shouted that I could handle it myself and I didn’t need a draw.
And further. In order to somehow raise my mood within a confined space, I stopped “filtering” negative information. All news, compassionate videos, horror films, dramatic stories from the Internet were banned. Only positive emotions - all the same dancing, drinking tea on the balcony when the baby is sleeping, watching comedy films, relaxing bath, fun games with the child. This helps almost always to be in a good mood, which is very good for the child.
Psychologist Comment: Most mothers spend most of the day in apartments alone with their child. For many, in the first months of a baby’s life, a smartphone becomes the main platform for communication and a source of information.
What to do? To find time, initiate meetings with old friends, form a new circle of communication.Sign up for vocals, guitar lessons, dances (or what were you going to do there for a long time?). Even once a week can be a great reboot.
Sometimes it’s useful to go on a digital diet - to revise your information diet (unsubscribe from “toxic” friends on social networks, stop reading media in which the negative prevails). Unpleasant information that suddenly spilled out on you from social networks can have a bad effect on your mood, and it can affect your baby’s state.
Difficulty in choosing
Every mother wants her baby to always have the best of everything. This also applies to care products, and food, and furniture, and clothing. At first, I could sit for hours at the computer in search of a suitable toy, porridge, diapers, bodysuits. This affected my mood and condition. After all, as you know, if you sit in front of a computer for a long time, then the nervous system is overexcited, the brain ceases to work at full strength, fatigue and headache are felt. And mom absolutely does not need it.
What I did: When I felt that it was bad for my condition, I developed a very convenient scheme for myself. Trusted only one firm. That is, if I took diapers of a certain brand, and I liked them, I used them until the end. The same applies to cereals, mashed potatoes, dummies, bottles, strollers, etc.
Someone does it differently. For example, a neighbor adheres to this opinion: the shorter the period of use of an item, the less time should be spent on its choice. In addition, she prefers to buy long-lasting things, so she had to choose less often.
The market for children's products is full, you have to spend a lot of time reading reviews and choosing the perfect option. What is the most delicious and healthy baby puree? What is more important in a wheelchair: lightness or cross? Bike or scooter? What's the difference! Great when it comes to your child.
Career pause
Each mother has to part with her work for some time, and I am no exception. Frankly, I was glad that I would not see the face of the ever-dissatisfied boss. The joy ended about six months later. I was constantly worried that they would not want to take me back, a younger worker would appear (without children), or those skills that were acquired during the course of work would be lost.
What I did: I took and dialed the number of one of the employees. We had a nice chat. She said that everyone in the company was looking forward to me. I calmed down right away. After that, she began to call more often and even several times with her daughter went to work with a cake.
If you plan to return to the company, try to keep in touch with colleagues, appear at corporate parties and relevant events in your industry. And the decree can be combined with remote work, continuing education courses (or even learn a new profession).
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Responsibility
It is from the parents that the health and psychological comfort of the baby depends. In our family, at first, it was only I who decided important questions regarding vaccinations (whether or not to give), drugs (whether or not to give), diet, nutrition, kindergarten or nanny, etc. I admit, it is very difficult to take full responsibility for the child to myself.
What I did: I started to connect my spouse and find out his opinion, despite being very busy (I think that you can spend a minute with your wife and daughter). If in doubt, I simply dial my husband’s phone number and ask him. After all, there are always two parents. So, why should mom take full responsibility?
Cleaning, tidying up and tidying up again
Children tend to scatter books and details of designers; drop dishes with borscht, effectively splashing the walls; instantly dump the entire contents of the cabinet onto the floor; drop flower pots.If you strive for the perfect order, you have to clean up all day (and tomorrow everything will happen again in the same scenario).
I am a very pedantic person. Therefore, at first, she tried to pick up everything that the baby dropped. My back was getting tired as if I had just unloaded a coal car. And you also need to wash the dishes, iron things, wash, cook lunch and dinner, put everything in place. And then - to meet her husband with a smile, a beautiful hairdress and in clean clothes.
What I did: In the end, I was tired of living the same scenario every day. I remembered again that I have a husband and that he has 2 days off a week. We solved the problem this way: we spent one day cleaning, washing and cooking. Together it turned out much faster and there was a lot of time for rest. Second - we dedicated our daughter and each other.
As for the order, I got used to the idea that a priori it should not be in the house where the small child lives. Therefore, she stopped picking up each toy and putting it in a basket. I glued the boxes with tape, put away flower pots. Then she persuaded her husband to buy me a crock-pot and a dishwasher. Now there is much more time for the child and rest.
As my daughter grew, I began to slowly accustom her to the fact that I should clean up after myself. Over time, she herself began to take dirty dishes to the sink, clean up toys and even wave a cloth on the table after eating. I did not forget to praise her for her efforts and give some goodies.
We also read: 9 simple tips on how to teach your child home help
Relationship with husband
According to statistics, 25% of women spoil relations with a husband in the first year of a child’s life. This applies to domestic problems, disagreements, sexual life. The reason is a woman's more restless attitude to motherhood than dad's to fatherhood. In addition, a woman takes a leading role in caring for a baby, but at the same time wants her husband to take an active part in the process of education and care. Another reason for the disagreement is that a woman sees in her husband more father than lover. A man always wants to be for his wife, first of all, a sexual partner.
I also ran into this problem. Especially in the first year of the baby's life. And then I realized that it was not far from treason. Moreover, my husband tried with all his might to help me, although almost all the time he disappeared at work. He bought me all the necessary equipment so that I had more time for him, the child and rest. At night, despite the fact that in the morning it was necessary to get up for work, he sometimes rocked his daughter, or brought me to the bed for feeding. On weekends, he helped me cook and clean.
What I did: I decided to pay him the same. I never refuse him intimacy. We always communicate and rarely curse. It is important for the child to feel love, complete family, pleasure in communication between parents.
Stress, malaise, fatigue, insomnia and a hedgehog with them
You get nervous when the baby cries for no apparent reason; when the baby fever for several days in a row, and pediatricians diverge in diagnoses; when the baby begins to crawl and speak later than peers ... The child is an endless source of experience! If sleepless nights are added to all this, it’s not so difficult for mom to get a breakdown.
For the first six months I never dreamed about a dream. As an obedient mother, I got out of bed every 3 hours to breastfeed the baby. Then the hour tossed and turned, calling on Morpheus. It had a great effect on my condition. I became irritable and tired. Several times I even had a fever. In the afternoon I practically did not sleep because of the same computer and eternal cleaning.
Then, when the issue was resolved (dad's help, useful household appliances, positive emotions), the problem of insomnia and all the ensuing consequences was eliminated. Then the baby at night began to wake up less and less.
What I did: First, try to establish the baby’s sleep and begin to get enough sleep yourself, it helps to maintain composure. Then stop worrying about nothing (all children fall and sometimes get sick, in the long run this is not dangerous). And be sure to take the time to relax - take a hot bath, drink a cup of tea in silence, go on vacation and change the atmosphere.
We also read: 12 things in mom’s life that she shouldn’t be ashamed of
Hmm, it was difficult for me only the first month .. Then everything went easy, I easily get enough sleep. Although the child is mostly sitting alone. Maybe lucky?)