I am an ordinary young woman. I have a husband, a son, a beloved cat. I live in an ordinary city, work on an unremarkable job as an ordinary employee. My apartment is also not outstanding in any way - an ordinary “kopeck piece”.
When I am at home, I am always in sight. My husband and son constantly see and hear me. I really love my husband and son. And they love me too. Therefore, at any time they can call me, ask some question and want to hear my answer, show me something or tell, hug, kiss, hang on my neck, look into the pan, climb into my computer ...
At first, I thought that it should be so, that this is family life. And therefore I treated everything with patience and understanding. But gradually I began to feel that I was getting tired. I began to realize that I needed a personal space where I could be alone, and in which for some time I could hide from all sorts of worries, from my husband, son and even a cat. Not because I do not like them, but simply - to relax and gain strength.
Every normal person needs personal space. You can even say - in a personal world in which from time to time you could take refuge, read a book, think or just close your eyes and relax. Especially when you are not only a wife, but also a mother, and most of your time I give to a child. Some psychologists call this desire a "reset." The same psychologists divided the concept of "personal space" into several components, which I want to talk more about.
Personal space is a normal human need. No need to be tormented by guilt that you want to relax from your own child and generally be alone.
Personal time
This is the most important need of every person, including, of course, a woman, wife, mother. It has long been proven that the lack of personal time not only depresses a person psychologically, but also leads to various physical diseases. This is especially true for us women, with our thin nervous system and psychological characteristics. Often it seems to us that if we leave home for a while, do not cook dinner, do not remake a bunch of other everyday household chores, it will be akin to a disaster, and for this reason the world will collapse completely and irrevocably.
However, this is the only way it seems to us. Many things can easily be done absolutely without our female participation. It is only necessary to be able to distribute our daily responsibilities. Husband can do some good things, some - the mother-in-law, and some - can wait until tomorrow or even the day after tomorrow.
And then - we will have personal time! How you will spend it should not concern anyone, because it is your personal time, and not someone else's.You can just sleep, read a book or spend time at the computer, you can go to the hairdresser, go shopping or just sit on a bench in the park. And do not be tormented by the conscience that while you are engaged in personal affairs, your child, your husband and your cat at this very time are not fed, not well-groomed and not warmed. On the contrary, it should be understood that having a rest from everyday worries, you will come to a great mood, which in the end will have the best effect on the child and her husband.
Personal items
Items that only a woman uses and no one else in the family is also a very important part of personal space. For me, this is primarily my computer and phone. Of course, not immediately, but gradually I made sure that no one would touch the computer and phone without my permission. A computer and a telephone are part of my personal space to which I have a right, and therefore I ask you to respect my right.
The kitchen sink and utensils are also my personal space. I never allow guests (even my beloved mother-in-law) to wash dishes in my kitchen. And not because I am so thankless and unable to accept help, I just know that all plates, lids, spoons will not be laid out in a way that is convenient for me. I used to be ashamed of this, but now I proudly say: This is my personal space!
Personal place
There can be no personal space without a personal place. Of course, if you have a large apartment in which there is a separate children's room, a separate study for your husband, as well as several separate rooms, then find a secluded place in which you could temporarily hide from everyone and be alone with yourself , - not a problem. It is much more difficult to find such a place in a cramped two-room apartment in which I live with my husband and son. But here, if you wish, you can find a personal place for yourself.
It could be some kind of fenced off corner. Or - a desk. Or - a chair in which you can relax and temporarily disconnect from the outside world. A kitchen or bathroom is well suited for these purposes. It's great if you have a glazed balcony or loggia, which will also give you the opportunity to be alone with you.
personal information
This is another extremely important part of personal space. My computer is a repository of my personal information. The letters that I write to someone and the answers to them, my correspondence in social networks, my favorite sites, the addresses of my interlocutors - all this is my a priori, and no one else.
Actually, I do not hide anything from my loved ones. I uphold the integrity of my personal information for other reasons. I want to prove that I have the right to have something exclusively personal, which concerns only me, and no one else. And no matter what it is: a list of recipes, a photo album with old photographs, or something else.
How to explain to relatives that you need personal space
It may happen that a woman’s attempts to win personal space for herself will be met by a lack of understanding of the household. First of all, of course, of her husband, but also of children. Or other your near and dear ones, if they live with you under one roof or are visiting you. What should be done in this case?
- Trying to explain that you need a personal space in which you want to be alone in order to relax, distract from the daily rush and gain fresh strength. At the same time, it is extremely important not to scandal, not to scream, but to try to explain calmly, logically and intelligibly. At first, trying to explain to my household my need for personal space, I switched to elevated tones, but soon I realized that it would be much better to say something like this: yesterday I did not rest, and therefore was angry and inflated. Today, having a rest, I prepared a wonderful dinner, and after dinner we can all be together and engage in joint activities or favorite entertainments;
- Show everything with your own examples. Let's say knock if you want to go into the nursery.Maybe not immediately, but, nevertheless, your child will begin to take an example from you, and will also ask permission to enter your room or your corner, which you consider your personal space. The second important circumstance is to reckon with the fact that your husband may also have his own personal space. And therefore, if the husband has secluded himself and is engaged in some kind of his own business, one should treat this with understanding and respect. Then the husband will relate to your periodic solitudes in the same way;
- Ask for help. If a woman does not explain to her relatives that she needs a rest, and therefore she needs to be alone, then the household simply will not understand this. Especially men (husband, sons). Such is their male psychology, and there is no need to be angry with them for it. I told my men directly that I — tired, I — needed their help and understanding, and that the best way for me to relax was to be alone for a while. In the end, after many explanations, my men understood me.
Having a woman's personal space is a psychological and physical necessity. However, to explain to relatives that you have not only the right to it, but also feel the need for it, you need a long, painstaking and thorough - until they understand. But when they understand, then everything in your family life will be fine. Having secluded and having a rest, you with new forces and desire begin to carry out family duties. I have achieved that I have a personal space, which I wish for all of you.
We also read:
I find personal space and solitude only in the country house, which I left from my mother. I like to go there alone, or with a small daughter, alone with nature, for a couple of days. At home, children and husband, I often get tired of this. At work, everything happens too, a lot of people surround.
A very relevant topic now! She herself has been seeking this from her husband for several months. At first there was no result. There were even quarrels and his statements that I was hiding something. Now I have “won” my right to the inviolability of the phone and my personal reading time (and I like to read longer :))
In any case, the main thing is to be patient, especially when it comes to a loved one and the family as a whole.
It is very difficult to defend your personal space in a family with children. Always someone urgently needs you, so when I have the opportunity, I try to go shopping or go to the cinema alone to watch it calmly, and not to run to the toilet every half hour with the children. My husband does not mind yet, but I do not know what will happen next.
I raised a child alone, without a husband. Divorced. Lived with parents. The most faithful assistant was my mother.I had a lot of free time, and I even went to the sanatorium for a trip, while I was on maternity leave for up to 3 years.
It would seem who loves solitude? But no, being alone with yourself is vital. Especially for mom and wife. If you don’t do this, you can just wrap yourself up in daily chores and go crazy. It is necessary to respect each other's personal space.