My nine-month-old son in the arms of a long-time girlfriend behaved very strange. I just did not recognize my baby: he tried to break out, cried, looked around for help. I restrained myself and did not do anything. But for the next visit of friends, she decided to prepare in advance.
Psychologists point of view
I got into the hands of a wonderful book by Lyudmila Petranovskaya entitled “Secret Support”. After reading it, I realized that my child has come 1 year crisis. Already at 8-10 months, the baby can distinguish between “friends” and “strangers” and is very attached to his mother. Strong affection for the mother leads to the fact that in the hands of a stranger the baby begins to whimper and be capricious, demanding that he be returned to the usual “comfort zone”.
In the book I found some more interesting points: it turns out that older children can be simply unpleasant (for example, due to the sharp smell of porfume or prickly bristles). Janusz Korczak wrote the following lines about this:
“These are their affectionate words, stroking, squeezing and patting, this is their familiarity ... Confused, the child waits for it to end.”
And then I thought ... doubts crept into my head ...
Maybe this is my jealousy?
Someone dares to pick up my beloved, dear, gentle, so long-awaited child! Suddenly, a maternal instinct, a sense of ownership, and a hyper desire to patronize my child work in me? Perhaps this happens against my will?
Once again I examined the situation. Was the child's behavior somehow strange or did I think it was? After all, psychologists say that if a child does not yell, calm, smiles, watches with curiosity what is happening around him, then there should be no reason for panic and mother should wind herself up in vain. But in this case, the baby really seemed to be replaced: he screamed and tried to break out of the hands of my girlfriend. Therefore, I decided to develop my own action plan for the next visit of the guests.
What to do with the baby?
If the child is slightly naughty, just being close to him is enough. Calm mother, as a rule, is quickly transmitted to the baby: “If mom gave me to her aunt’s hands, then she trusts her, and so you don’t have to worry”.
If you see that the baby is close to hysteria, take it in your hands, try to calm it down - it takes a little man time to get used to strangers. I heard that some children get used to the “new company” within half an hour and replace “anger with mercy”.
IMPORTANT! The most important thought I have learned: under no circumstances should you laugh, scold the child and force him into the spotlight. Thus, you show the baby that he is leaving the safety zone.Forcing contact with someone else's adult is a violation of the security program inherent in the baby’s head.
What should guests say?
When the guests came to our home once again, I informed them in advance that we rarely have guests and the child is not yet used to new faces, so I can be capricious. She promised that I would give each of them to talk with the baby, but first I will hold the child in my arms for a while so that he can get used to it.
I also warned my friends about another very important point: my child is independent and when he is busy with something of his own (for example, playing), at that moment you do not need to pester him with conversations and pick him up. If his favorite game is abruptly interrupted by strangers, he will definitely roll tantrum.
Circle of trust
I remembered several recommendations of Petranovskaya how to make it so that she easily entered the circle of trust of the baby. What do we have to do:
- wave the child with a bright toy, smile at him, talk with mom;
- if the baby showed interest and looked at you, be sure to be friendly, look in the eyes and say something affectionate;
- when the child has a smile on his face, reach out to him - if he reacts and reaches out to you, you can safely take him to take.
My guests listened with understanding to my advice, reacted to my requests with a smile and understanding, and thanks to them they quickly made friends with the child. My son was in a good mood all evening, laughed, talked with everyone and was not nervous. Everyone was happy and the evening went just fine!
Benefit
After the first experience of communicating with strangers, when communicating with my baby was traumatic, negatively affected the baby: he had a disturbed sleep, he slept very badly and was always in my arms. But after the second visit of the guests, the kid made a leap in development: he began actively crawl on all fours, remembered the names of objects and even built his first tower of cubes.
I concluded: many parents, wanting to maintain the psychological comfort of their child, do not invite guests to the house for almost a year. I think this is bad: the baby should know that in addition to mom and dad in the world there are many people who do not need to be afraid and need to be contacted. But I’m responsible for the behavior of the guests first of all ...
I agree, from a year it is necessary less nursing with the baby. The more you treat him like a little one and protect him from everything, the more he will remain a baby. If you turn to it at the adult level, then the behavior becomes much more mature.