Children's hysteria: how to calm a child in 2 minutes

Hi, today we’ll talk about children's tantrums. Almost every parent encountered this, and only a few managed it. We will talk about their reasons and what parents need to do in order to stop the child’s tantrum in a matter of minutes.

A psychologist, the creator of the First Children's Academy and School of Professional Parents, a business coach and mother of four (for two with her husband) children, Marina Romanenko talks about the true causes of the baby’s tantrum and how to stop the child’s tantrum in 2 minutes at any age.

What is a tantrum? Causes of occurrence

I think you do not need to look in the directory to understand the definition of hysteria. All parents faced when their children cry loudly, fall to the floor and don’t hear a single reasonable argument, and this can be called a tantrum, and it happens at very different ages: in a year, and at 2, and at 10 years old. And the reasons for tantrums, as a rule (now I’ll tell parents what I don’t want to hear) - this is when we ignore them. And when the children, perhaps the second or third, approached us, asked something or looked at us, or pulled us, but we didn’t react to them, they choose the methods that we will have to react to and, as a rule, it’s crying, falling, something that we simply must respond to.

At what age do tantrums start?

You may find that your child’s hysteria will begin even literally before one year, but the peak, if you take all the children in the world, is one and a half to two years. This is the moment when they do it often, with pleasure and effectively. And it is very important to understand how to react to this correctly, so that in a matter of minutes it is easy to localize and change the child’s behavior, so that he does not have to resort to this constantly.

We also read: 2 types of tantrums in children (hysteria of the upper and lower brain) and the correct reaction of parents

What to do to stop the tantrum?

There is a simple, universal algorithm that will work with any age, which will allow you to stop your child’s tantrum in less than 2 minutes. It consists of only five points.

1. "Respond" After hearing the baby cry, quickly turn your head to the side where he is crying. Talking is prohibited.
2. "Join" If he is right in front of your feet, then go down to him or if he is a few steps away, go to him.Talking is prohibited.
3. "Analysis of the situation" Look at the expression on your child’s face. He can cry for various reasons. He may be angry, in despair, that he cannot reach you at all, is upset by something, you consider this emotion from his face and ask him - “Are you upset? You're angry? Did you fail? ” And it will be such a “bridge” that will allow your child to either nod to you or disagree with you, but you have already turned it on. And if you did, skip to the next point - the fourth.
4. "In-depth analysis of the situation"And here you need to understand the reason - what happened ?! You can think one thing, but a child’s head can have a completely different thing. Just ask, “What happened? Tell me. I want to know, I want to help, or tell me what you want. " And the children begin to interact with you. It is very important here not to evaluate what they say, not to criticize and not to try to immediately give advice that they need to do something else. Just listen. Just ask the next question - “Anything else?” When your child speaks out, go to step five.
5. "Reply to the child" You may not agree with the fact that he asked you for candy, lollipop, I don’t know, iPhone, because everyone bought it in the classroom. If you do not agree with him, just tell them, honestly - “I do not plan to do this to you, I understand you, but I do not plan to. That’s why, that’s why, that’s why. Sorry. " If you agree, then say - “My God, thank you for telling me, now I understand exactly what I should do. Come on, let's do it. ”

We also read: How to deal with childhood hysteria: advice from a psychologist

How to understand a child who can not speak?

There is one very important point. So, if the child does not speak yet and has a tantrum, try to offer him the answers - “Do you want this?” Specifically show, do not ask, but point to some object, food or what he wants. "Either this, or this - show me." And even a small child of one year old will begin to show what he wants, and you will understand him more. As soon as you started, he responded to you, which means that you included him in the conversation. Our physiology is so arranged that the tantrum will subside as soon as you enter into dialogue with your child.

We also read: 5 good reasons for baby tantrums

How to prevent hysteria?

And you know, the last thing I want to say is how to prevent a child’s tantrum at all. There is only one way to prevent a child’s tantrum — to never ignore it. This does not mean that your time should be devoted to the child. It just means that if you hear it and can respond to it, respond immediately, because you don’t know how important it is to him TO, for him, inside, on his scale of importance values, that he wants to contact you or say. If he doesn’t hear the answer from you once, second or third, he will choose a method that you still have to respond to. Therefore, react from the very beginning, and tantrums, as such, will pass in general. You will forget what it is.

Or maybe you just do not need to pay attention?

Many books advise parents not to pay attention to the behavior of children when they fall in hysterics or cry, so that if you react, it will continue. But to be honest, let's just reason logically: if you, an adult, really want something and are ignored again and again, you will turn the world around to get what you want. And your children do the same. Therefore, the only way is to start responding to them quickly and never ignore them.

We also read:Children's hysteria in the store - how to react to parents