The desire to have children is inherent in us by nature, we are so programmed that we certainly need to continue the family. There are very few people who in their life never want to have a child for a number of psychological or physical problems.
Partners who are connected by feelings, if they are comfortable together, sooner or later think about children. But it happens that even with the mutual desire to have children, the couple tries to postpone their appearance. Why this happens, find out below.
1. Changes in life
With the advent of a child, the life of each member of the family changes dramatically. The changes concern not only the regime of the day, nutrition, free time, but also the moral side of life. A couple will need a lot of patience, dedication and strength. The usual way of life is collapsing, less and less time is left for entertainment and relaxation, for these reasons, many couples prefer to delay the time of happy parenthood.
Not every person loves dramatic changes. This does not mean that the man and woman do not want children, do not understand all the joy and happiness of being a mom and dad. They just have not yet decided whether they are ready for the expansion of the family.
2. The financial base
Many partners are frightened by the lack of stability in material terms, they may be afraid of being financially insolvent, unable to fully provide the child with everything necessary. Men by nature are miners, many consider the task of providing for the family as the main one. Each family has its own needs and understanding of viability. Some parents are not afraid of the appearance of a fifth baby with little money, while others do not have a baby, being afraid not to provide him with the latest models of strollers, toys and expensive gadgets for mom.
Evaluate your financial viability adequately, do not think that without a new-fangled walker or an imported stroller, your baby will be less happy.
3. Career
The appearance of a child in the family can significantly affect the career, in most cases, the career of a woman. There are two opposing poles of opinion on this subject. Some women without hesitation give preference to the happiness of motherhood, while others prefer time with the advent of children, preferring to give some time to climb the career ladder. There are those who do not adjoin any of the poles, being in their preferences in the golden mean: they really want to have a child and are ready for this, but they do not leave hope to achieve success in work and realize themselves not only as a mother. Such women manage to get training on maternity leave, earn extra money, make money on the internetperfect skills.
When delaying the appearance of children due to work, remember that children grow up quickly, and you can again devote yourself and a career.
4. Relations with a partner
The child always needs a lot of time, so many couples are afraid that their relationship may deteriorate, because they will no longer be able to devote as much time to each other as before. Both women and men are worried that their intimate life will suffer, that the partner will be jealous of the baby.
The child is even the most long-awaited, beloved and dear - the person in the family is new, the whole family adapts to his appearance. New roles of father and mother can be difficult. Fatigue, lack of sleep, a change in lifestyle can lead to quarrels. This is what couples fear, transferring the birth of crumbs to the future. Women are more often afraid that changes in the figure may affect relations with a man, and those, in turn, are afraid of the possibility of being superfluous and deprived of attention.
Unwillingness to give birth to a baby for some time may be due to uncertainty in a partner. A woman, for example, does not imagine how her husband, a child himself, can cope with the role of a father. And the man doubts that the wife is mentally prepared, and she will be able to cope with all the responsibilities of the mother at the proper level. Unmarried couples may also doubt the strength of their relationship.
5. Responsibility
Responsibility for the well-being, health, and life of another person is not a simple feeling. Some people are afraid to make such commitments.
Women and men are most often afraid of their inability and ignorance in the field of childcare and upbringing. A woman may be afraid to give birth to an unhealthy baby, not cope with household chores, do something wrong that will affect the child. Thinking about children, a man begins to worry whether he can provide for his family, if he loses his job, and if he is able to play the role of a father correctly.
Some tips on how to overcome the anxieties associated with the appearance of children:
- Look at things realistically, do not come up with difficulties that have not yet been encountered. You should not compare yourself with other families, you are individual, you have your own life, which you build yourself. If one of your friends has problems with relationships and raising children, this does not mean that you will have such difficulties;
- Discuss together how your usual way of life can change, what you will do to help each other overcome problems, how you will free up time for communication with each other, who can help you and your baby. Talk about relationships, agree on mutual support;
- Think about work, weigh what you can lose in a career, and is it worth it to delay the appearance of a child. Think about how you can realize yourself on maternity leavewhether it will be possible to allocate time for training;
- Do not think that fear of responsibility betrays bad parents in you. On the contrary, if you fear failure, while striving to be better parents, then you are not indifferent, serious, and recognize the importance of your role as a mom and dad. Seek help from the older generation, attend courses and develop fears about the difficulty of caring for and raising a child.
Make a balanced decision, do not listen to the advice of others. The appearance in the family of the baby is a test of the strength of the family, let you pass this test perfectly.
We read an article on the topic: Why some people don’t want to have children
Why some people don’t want to have children, says Olga Isupova, PhD in Sociology, Senior Fellow at the Institute of Demography, Higher School of Economics, Moscow:
