15 questions that should be answered as sincerely as possible will help you determine whether you are ready for the birth of a baby. Your recognition of your readiness to become the parents of a happy and properly developing child depends on your answers.
1. Why do you need a baby?
The question is not idle. Thinking that you need a child, you can actually be guided by other motives. This is a desire for social stereotypes (“I have time to have children”), to improve your relationship (“we will have a real family with the child”), this desire for everything to be “like everyone else”, it may also be a desire to relax from work or to avoid dismissal, this may be the receipt of material benefits.
It is clear that all these desires are not related to love, care and motive to make a baby happy. Often, future parents, planning a child, pursue only selfish goals, completely not thinking about what it will be to the smallest.
If you, giving an honest answer to the question, have chosen one of these options, then you need not so much a child as satisfaction of ambitions and selfish desires. Probably, you will not be ready for the fact that the child himself will want and demand something from you. First you need to establish your own life, and only then think about the appearance of children.
2. Do you like spending time with young children?
If you are happy to babysit babies of your girlfriends or sisters, you are ready to drive the hand of one-year-old babies and answer the questions of the three-year-old for hours, most likely you will be happy to spend time with your baby. But even if your answer is no, do not get upset. Many people are annoyed by other people's children, but everything changes when their children appear.
Just analyze why you answered this question that way.
3. Do you have the material ability to provide a child with everything necessary?
The child constantly needs new things, quality nutrition, and developing activities. Think about whether your budget can withstand such expenses, can you give your child everything he needs?
It only seems that the newborn does not need anything but the mother’s breast. Even if someone gives or buys a stroller, a crib and sliders, the baby will need personal hygiene items: diapers, creams, dusting powder. Suddenly, you may need medications: anti-allergic, painkillers, anti-colic. And then the time comes for the introduction of complementary foods, and this is again the purchase: cereals, mashed potatoes, cottage cheese.And the child is growing, and his needs are growing with him: we need toys, books, pencils, a beautiful dress for the matinee in kindergarten. Not to mention personal space: the child needs, if not a separate room, then at least his own corner with a crib, wardrobe and a place for games. In any case, be prepared for the fact that, whatever your total income, money will inevitably have to be redistributed in favor of children's needs. Ask yourself if you are ready for this before your baby is born.
4. Do I want to be like my parents?
Most likely, each of you still basically had only one example of parenthood before your eyes - your own father and mother. Ask yourself: did your parents educate you correctly? And you willy-nilly adopted their methods of education. If you had a happy childhood, then everything is fine. But if you are absolutely not happy with the way your parents communicated with you, you will have to work on yourself so that, on the one hand, you don’t make their mistakes, and on the other hand, you don’t rush to the other extreme.
It is not simple. For example, your parents have limited you in everything and forbade you. Of course, you will want to allow everything for the child. Or if you did not buy toys, you will be ready to fill up the child with gifts. Of course, such actions will not lead to anything good in the end.
5. What is a “good parent” for me?
Before the baby is born, should one discuss together what “good parent” is? What are his rights and obligations regarding the child? How to build communication with the child? What can you teach him? Get ready for the fact that you will solve these issues all the time while you are responsible for your child. It is important that you follow a single line in his upbringing. It is especially important to discuss these issues with the whole family and come to a unanimous decision, because the worst thing for a child is when family members have different ideas about what is good and what is bad, what is possible and impossible. If you clearly recognize this, you will most likely succeed.
6. Are there people around you who are ready to support you? Can you count on the help of loved ones?
A small child is a serious burden. A young mother gets tired both physically and emotionally. It is important that there are people in your environment who are ready to listen to you and support you.
Of course, you can raise children without outside help. But it is an indisputable fact that the presence of loving grandparents who can come, cook dinner, take a walk with the baby, look after him while you sleep or go away on business, makes life much easier. If you have loved ones who are ready to help, do not neglect this opportunity and try to shoulder everything. Be grateful to them, because they freed you from part of the worries. But if there are no such relatives, think about whether you are ready to cope with everything yourself.
7. Have you considered giving birth to a relationship?
Yes, sometimes children can help maintain a crumbling relationship, but alas, not for long. Think about what will happen if the marriage cannot be saved, but the child is already born.
8. Have you ever spent time with children?
Did you have any experience with other children, how did you feel? Have you ever looked after them? What did you like and what didn’t? Did you succeed? Are you ready to do such chores every day?
9. Are you ready to change your current lifestyle? Are you ready to give up your own comfort?
Are you ready for the fact that you will have to dramatically change your lifestyle. Do you realize that if you like noisy company, parties, parties, travels or are used to disappearing for days at work - will you have to temporarily refuse all this?
If you think that a small child is only eating and sleeping, you are wrong. It’s a mistake to consider that a mother, having given birth, in between feedings will be as if nothing had happened to pursue a career, engage in looks and go with friends in a cafe while the baby sleeps peacefully in a stroller.
Future mothers plan to continue to meet with friends in a cafe, putting the baby in a sling or pram; work from home; devote a lot of time to yourself and your appearance.
It’s also a mistake to think that dad’s daily routine will not change (after all, taking care of the baby is supposedly “mother’s problems”) and that he will get enough sleep, meet friends and watch hockey on weekends (with friends and beer). It will not happen.
And there will most likely be sleepless nights, inability to eat calmly, snatch at least a minute for yourself. You will have to go to the toilet and take a shower on a schedule. Added to this is a complete rejection of meetings with friends, parties, and most entertainment. Yes, someone is lucky: there are “gift children” who have been sleeping all night for almost a month and are never whimsical. But usually in the morning both parents have no strength, and there is a long day ahead, filled with worries. And at night again, all the attention goes to the baby.
Of course, all this will pass. The crumbs will have their own daily routine, and you will gradually begin to meet with friends or have fun. Of course, you will have to adapt to the baby: remodel household chores, using any free minute, and plan rare outings for two in a movie or cafe, only if someone can be with the child. Are you ready to live in this mode?
10. Are you ready for lack of sleep?
If you are used to sleeping as much as you want and take a nap after lunch at the weekend, then everything will change with the birth of a child. You will lose the opportunity to sleep well for a long time.
11. Are you up for difficulties with optimism?
Raising and raising a child is difficult. But, of course, no difficulties associated with children are a reason to abandon parenthood, which, among other things, fills life with new meaning, moments of happiness and extraordinary discoveries. But do not forget that postpartum depression happens not only in mothers, but also with dads. Newly-made fathers are susceptible to hormonal changes, leading to the same symptoms of postpartum depression that are commonly seen in mothers. Therefore, both future parents need to prepare themselves well in order to meet with optimism all the difficulties described in the previous paragraph. The child needs calm, wise, healthy and happy parents.
There are times when you want to give up, and this desire becomes stronger than the happiness that a child gives you. But the baby does not need jerking and nervous, but loving, calm, wise and healthy father and mother. Can you be like that for him and for yourself?
12. Does it annoy you when children are naughty or noisy in public?
Many people condemn parents whose children are hysterical or screaming in supermarkets, acting up on the plane, making noise in restaurants or cafes. Future mothers and fathers usually think that their own children will never behave this way. In fact, there is no child in the world who has never scandalized or tantrums in public places. And you should be prepared for such behavior.
13. Are you ready to put up with changes in appearance and attitude?
Changes in appearance, exacerbation of chronic diseases, hormonal surges, expect, of course, mom. Another figure, hair and nails that no longer look perfect, stretch marks on the skin - this is something that no one is safe from. Of course, external changes occur with each, but it comes with age, gradually, while pregnancy and childbirth can change a woman in a matter of months. Over time, you can get in shape, but some changes will still remain. Both mother and father should take them for granted. And mother will need to try to find time for herself: to take care of her health, to lead a right lifestyle.
Both of you will certainly change your attitude: what you were tolerant of before may turn out to be critical, and vice versa. You will begin to perceive people differently and notice something that you did not pay attention to before. This is not a reason to be afraid to become parents, you just need to be able to accept it.
14. Do you realize that life will never be the same again?
Yes, it is: your life will be different, and you will never be as carefree as before. And that is scary. But, realizing this, try to look at the situation from the other side: let the upcoming changes not scare, but inspire you. The appearance of the baby will turn your life upside down. Rest, work, entertainment and hobbies, interests and concerns will be completely different from before. And you will never be able to return to the time when you were free and carefree. But, most likely, you will not want this, because parenthood opens up new horizons. Many mothers and fathers only with the advent of a child understand what they really should strive for: they change their profession and lifestyle, find a new hobby or start working for themselves.
15. Who will your child be for you?
The last question, which is closely related to the first. Depending on what your motives are, your child will play one or another role in your life. Of course, the ideal role is that of the child. But sometimes parents want to see their children with toys or pets; their friends; replacement for a deceased relative or ex-husband; an improved version of themselves, achieving what they failed. Any such role is a big and unnecessary burden for a small person who deprives him of freedom of thought and action, dictates to him how to live, and makes his parents treat the child incorrectly. Allow the baby to become a new person in your life, allow him to be a person who has his own characteristics of character, attachment, desire and law. This is the best thing you can do as a parent.
You are ready for parenthood if you understand this.
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Video: 11 signs that you are ready to become parents
Now, at a time when the state is stimulating an increase in the birth rate, many want to have children. But, alas, not everyone understands that maternal capital will be spent, and the child will remain. A child in a family is a huge responsibility, this is what potential parents need to remember.
I would continue the list of questions: 1) To have a child is my desire, or is it the desire of my family and friends? 2) Am I ready to give up those desires that I have not been able to realize for life and are unlikely to be able to fulfill with the birth of a child? 3) Is the desire to have a child simply a desire to fill the inner void? In general, the decision to have a baby requires a serious approach and I can go on forever.
My husband and I tried to take all these issues seriously and prepare. They even met with misunderstanding on the part of friends why this time has passed since the wedding day, and we still don’t have a child.Happened and rumors were born that we can not do with conception. And we just tried to live for ourselves, get used to each other, prepare mentally and financially and carefully plan our family life with a baby, because this is a very big responsibility!