The experience of a mother who survived a miscarriage

Many times I wondered why I, why I have !!! !!! ??? Why did I have a miscarriage, because for him there was no reason. Why did I, young and healthy, lose my first child? Now it does not matter. In addition, he was a child only for me. For doctors, it’s difficult to call even an embryo: too short a time.

I was aware of myself for several hours while pregnant, and recovered from the loss for several months. Two years have passed since then, now I have a healthy child. And only now I decided to share my feelings with readers and tell me what helped me not to go crazy at that terrible time. I hope that my story will help at least one woman in this situation. The first thing I want to advise to those who survived such a tragedy - do not keep grief in yourself. For starters, say it.

Why talk about it?

The day after the hospital, I met a friend and told her everything that happened. I sobbed, and she cried with me. In psychology, there is the term “containment,” that is, the listener, like a container, takes on part of the narrator’s emotions. Such a person is necessary in a difficult period. Do not hesitate to take his time and lay out to him everything that is painful for you, because you are close for that and close to support.

If you don’t tell anyone what is happening in your life, then you won’t be able to get answers to your questions - after all, people will not know about your problems. When you talk about the fact that you lost a child, someone you know may say: “And I had it, and then I gave birth to two children.” No one will advise a miracle doctor who will eventually cure you. They advised my doctor exactly - a couple who could not have children 15 years old until she turned to him.

If you are embarrassed to talk about your problems in real life, you can speak out anonymously on the forums, but you need to talk to make sure: you are not alone. The famous Mark Zuckerberg admitted in an interview that his wife for a long time could not give birth and survived several miscarriages, but in the end everything worked out. Mark calls not to be silent, so as not to be the only ones with such misfortune and in response to his revelations more often to hear about happy outcomes.

Who should I tell?

Of course, there are people who should not know about your misfortune. For support, you need to go to someone you trust.I believe that, first of all, the pain from the failed motherhood should be shared with the woman by her husband - after all, this is their common pain, one for two. Even if he closes for a few days, later you still talk and find words of support for each other.

For many women, a mother is a close person - she will always understand and regret her daughter. Whether to talk about the unborn child to friends or colleagues, each woman decides for herself. Of course, if the stomach was already noticeable, but then the child was gone - it is difficult to hide from others, everything will be clear anyway. But if only the closest knew about pregnancy, then you should not talk about it to everyone around. Someone will sympathize, but someone may gloat behind him.

Sometimes it's easier to share trouble with a stranger. When I was driving home from the hospital, the taxi driver boasted to me that he had recently had a third child. And, I myself do not know why, I replied: "And today I lost my first child." I was not afraid to say such innermost things to this man, because we will not see him again. It turned out that the taxi driver had a third child, and his wife had five pregnancies. Then hope crept in: maybe I have not lost everything?

Should I go to work?

Occupational therapy has saved more than one person from depression. Therefore, as soon as there are forces, do not pull with going to work. The houses in my head will start spinning: “What is the reason? What would he be? ”

At work, you can escape from your grief for 8 hours, plunge into affairs, chat with colleagues. Someone returned from vacation, and shares his impressions, someone married his son and shows a photo from the wedding, someone brags about shopping ... This stream will capture and distract from the negative, and the mountains of tasks will not let you focus on the problem. Three months later, I realized that I was able to survive the most difficult period, this loss could not devour me, I can live on and try to become a mother again.

Getting rid of things

Our things contain memories of joyful and sad events. I remember very well what dress and shoes I wore when I got to the hospital. Since then, I have never put on either one or the other. But at once for some reason she didn’t throw it away. As if these things also contained my emotions, but I could not let them go.

When I wore my second child, this “unlucky" dress often caught my eye and reminded me of an unsuccessful first attempt. When my son was born, I got rid of these things. Of course, you had to do it right away, it’s better not to give your pain to watch you in the closet.

When I held in my hands a healthy, strong baby, I did not think about what I had to endure. Why tidy up the past if I have a happy present? Here he is, my 3-pound “happy end”, right now squeaks on his hands and requires chest. If you didn’t succeed in becoming a mother once, always think that someday you will hold a little ball of happiness in your hands and accept congratulations from relatives and friends. The happiest day of your life will surely come! Who cares what used to be? Once you will find yourself at the epicenter of the same happy day, accepting congratulations and holding a puffy bundle. But for this you need to exhale, calm down and start living on. Right now.

READ ALSO:

• How to survive a miscarriage in early or late pregnancy: advice from a psychologist
• How to deal with a woman who has lost a child: common mistakes. Psychologist's opinion

Another personal experience

My video about psychosamatics caused a big response. Yes, I had 2 miscarriages. As I was able to cope with this, I tell in this article. Real experience and clear recommendations.