It is far from always that the father assumes the same important role in raising his children as their mother. This is easy to understand - a man by nature is still a getter, it is on him that often lies the whole responsibility of providing for the family. But this does not mean at all that it is possible to shift all educational work onto the shoulders of the wife.
Nobody demands from the modern fathers the extremely incredible, but the basic rules must be known. At least in order not to harm the wrong parenting or the wrong words to your own child. We will tell you about 15 main things you should never do if you seriously love your children!
1. Set a good example for your child
Everyone knows that children are a clean slate. And only on upbringing and parental example depends on what will be depicted on this sheet. The child, like a sponge, absorbs everything that he sees inside his family: both good and bad. Any incident in the house is filtered by children's consciousness. It seems to absorb the world around.
Therefore, to avoid banal moralizing like “You can’t say nasty things!” it will be much more effective not to speak them yourself. After all, the child has a good intuition, and if no one scolds in the family, then even without such instructions the child will perfectly understand that it is impossible to say that.
And, on the contrary, if parents actively teach their children, but do not follow their own tips, then such information will not be delayed in the children's mind, without finding confirmation in real life.
2. No physical punishment
Any person has the right to his own integrity: both physical and psychological. Even your own child.
It often turns out that spanking is an extreme measure of punishment, when the parent is simply not able to cope with the situation, and his nerves are strained to the limit. Thus, a mythical solution to the problem occurs. Why mythical? Yes, because after the slap the father feels relieved, the child allegedly received a well-deserved punishment, and he also managed to remove the mental tension, throwing out anger. However, the problem remains unresolved, because strikes, beating and physical punishment do not convey anything to your child. In addition, of course, that no one respects him in the family and is able to offend.
In children of those parents who do not disdain physical punishment, children grow up more unstable mentally, they cope badly with negative emotions. Scary, isn't it? But from all this we can draw one correct conclusion: it is impossible to raise a good person with blows.
READ ALSO: To beat or not to beat a child - the consequences of physical punishment of children
3. Loving father fulfills his promises.
It doesn’t matter what suddenly happened at your work in the office or somewhere else. If the father promised to take the child to the zoo on Saturday, then he is obliged to do so.If you are not sure that you can fulfill your plan, it is better not to give such unsteady promises at all.
Most of the children with rapture and excitement await the days on which dad promised to spend time together. They remember this perfectly, counting the hours. And it’s extremely cruel at the last moment to tell a child that everything is canceled due to a sudden business trip or poor health.
If you do not want to upset and upset your children, then remember: never make impossible promises! And if you promised, then be so kind as to fulfill them!
4. Be close on all important days in your child’s life
The day your child went to first grade or the same date that he won a prize in a mug or something similar - all these dates will be permanently printed on the child’s head, and it would be wonderful if these warm memories always have a face nearby caring father.
Try to find time to always be present at the most important moments. After all, children so need support and approval from their father.
5. Good father tries not to criticize
Of course, children can not always adequately assess their strengths, they can unnecessarily inflate some situations. But this does not mean that they can be criticized as harshly as an adult. After all, sometimes a harsh word spoken by a father can hit worse than a slap in the face. Be careful with comments, especially if they may affect the child’s self-esteem.
It is better to gently discuss the problem, give good and affectionate advice, than to “poke” your opinion directly into the child’s forehead. Trusting and strong relationships with children are not formed on sarcasm and rude remarks.
6. A loving father does not allow quarrels with his wife to influence the attitude to the child
Everything happens in life. Families are capable of experiencing crises in relationships; husband and wife can even get divorced or leave for a while. But no matter what happens between the father and mother of the child, this should not be reflected on himself.
The prism of a failed relationship with a mother cannot be transferred to her child. A good father never does that. The problem is especially common when, after a divorce, the father aggravates relations with his own children from his ex-wife. A wise person understands that children are not to blame for anything. On the contrary: it is your unsuccessful marriage or frequent quarrels in it that can harm the psychological comfort of the child. It’s just blasphemous to add even more negativity on top of this.
7. Loving father respects his children
Mutual respect in the family is just as important as love. It is on respect that a strong, solid family is built. And calm, confident and successful children always grow out of it.
If a father treats his own child with due respect and understanding, then he will receive the same in return.
8. Authoritarianism must be ruled out
It so happens that a man in the family takes on the role of a tough (and sometimes cruel) leader. And then the atmosphere in the family resembles a military camp, and not a cozy home.
A father should not abuse his physical strength or leadership qualities. You need to understand the difference between when order should be maintained in a house and when order reaches the point of absurdity. And where for the slightest offense a sharp reprimand threatens, and even physical punishment.
Remember: Your home is not a military training ground. The duty of a caring father is to protect his family from the misfortunes and evil of the outside world. But not scourging the weak and defenseless with some obscure goals. Every member of your family has a say.
9. Permissiveness is not an indicator of a good father
Rather, the opposite. Fathers who do not want to spend a lot of time raising their children, but suffer from this torment of conscience - this is a typical picture of the pope, allowing the child absolutely everything. From the side it can even look touching.
Until a certain age, children cannot clearly realize what is good for them and what is not.That is why parents must control this process. It is not necessary to ban everything, but reasonable boundaries must be respected. It is trite, but if you allow the child to absorb chips and chocolate as much as necessary, then his liver will deteriorate, diathesis will begin or an acetone crisis will develop.
10. A loving father does not leave his children in danger
For any child, dad is a model of courage, masculinity and strength. Boys dream of being like their fathers, and girls are always looking for protection and shelter from them.
In a dangerous situation, a good dad will always come to the rescue, support, comfort or find a solution. This awareness helps children feel safe. And the father’s task is to maintain this confidence and not disappoint the child.
11. Cheating is bad
Many children are easily able to figure out the lies of adults, they simply often do not show the view. And even a lie for the good should become a taboo for a caring father.
Do not resort to deliberate deception, because there are always other, more reasonable ways. In addition, any child knows that lying is very bad, and therefore you can lose the share of authority in the eyes of native children.
12. Father must answer calls for help
For some reason, the moods and inner feelings of children are always put one step lower, underestimated. It is believed that only an adult can have good reasons for depression, tearfulness or bad mood.
These are very selfish judgments that directly infringe on the rights of children. After all, they have no striking differences from adults, with the exception of their age. But, unlike the big world, in the world of children it is even more difficult to quickly solve problems. And therefore, at such moments, his own father must come to the rescue.
13. No offense to children
Should I now try to convey the idea that rude (all the more obscene) words are the pinnacle of disrespect, an indicator of bad manners, restraint and a number of other negative qualities?
Moreover, such words are forbidden to native children. The father has no moral right to insult his child.
14. A good father always loves his children
And even in those cases when they did not live up to their expectations.
Any child wants to know that his beloved dad will be there always and no matter what. And even if the whole world turns away, the reliable shoulder of the father will remain.
15. He will find reason for pride
An affectionate word and praise can sometimes be much more effective than moralizing. After all, it is important for a child to know that his beloved dad is proud of him.
And he will do everything in his power to hear praise again. It is this cunning method that wise fathers use, whose children are always obedient. It is better to build a parenting strategy on love.
READ ALSO:5 Tips for a New Dad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNPk-CodV5M
I believe that the most important thing is that the father takes part in raising a child no less than his mother.The father should be an example for the son and an example of a man for the girl, as in the future she will look for a companion like a father.
I think that permissiveness on the part of the father is to give the child what the mother forbids. And it will not necessarily be chips or some other muck. Ride on some terrible and cool ride - mom does not allow, and dad will. And so on, there are many examples.
If a mother is afraid of scary and cool rides, let her not ride on them, and the child does not need to instill her fears, you can stand by and be happy for her husband and child when they enjoy the terrible and cool ride.