To understand the reasons for husbands' betrayal to their pregnant wives, first of all, it is worth paying attention to the psychological aspect of this problem. The main factors that contribute to infidelity to wives during pregnancy are a feeling of jealousy, uselessness to their partner, prejudices regarding the dangers of sex during childbearing, and the physical unattractiveness of a pregnant woman. We will consider all this in more detail.
Why do men cheat on women and, in particular, pregnant wives? Psychologists say that physiology is all about it. The reasons for the changes are related to the fact that already at the initial stages of pregnancy (especially if the baby is the first), relationships and microclimate in the family are changing radically. Excerpts from the scientific works of psychologists and psychoanalysts to an unprepared person are unlikely to help. Therefore, in order not to miss the moment when men begin to think about treason, we will try to understand their psychology, giving them the opportunity to express their opinion.
Jealousy
Fedor K.: “Our child was planned and desired - and, by the way, the wife was able to become pregnant only after two years of unsuccessful attempts. After that, an endless stream of questions fell upon us: “And who do you want more - a girl or a boy? And what will you call him (her)? Are you happy together? ” etc. All this came into our life almost immediately, from the first days after confirmation of pregnancy.
As a result, the unborn child and wife became the main topic of discussion for our friends and acquaintances. It seems that they stopped paying attention to me. Everyone was talking about someone who was not yet, but there was not enough attention for me, who was already there. The home environment began to oppress - and I began to stay at work longer. There I became close with Tatyana, an employee of our company. I was not in love, but, importantly, she was interested in my thoughts, my worries, carried away my views on life. My daughter is now one and a half years old, and everything seemed to be back to the previous places, but my colleague helped me to overcome that difficult period - she was the one who understood me. ”
We see that Fedor, as well as many other men, did not set out to leave his family, and the affair with Tatyana, most likely, is already in the past. It's simple: a man does not want to be ignored, knowing that all love is given to the child. Which man would like to be the navel of the earth, and then suddenly turn into an “empty place”?
Feeling that nobody needs you
Kostya N .: “I remember how I was waiting for replenishment in the family, and I shudder from the rolling memories.It seemed to me then that I’m morally ready, like a rock! But my wife plunged headlong into her worries, and somehow they quietly began to use me as an ATM: they suddenly remembered me on the day of the salary or when the refrigerator was empty. They also remembered me when it was necessary to move the closet - that’s the whole family life. I felt normal only communicating with friends outside the family circle. At home, there was a debriefing and a list of outstanding cases. ”
The husband, of course, did not rush for support to the all-understanding nymphs, but a step away from his family - removal from his wife - was made. Not every man is able and willing to easily adapt to the growing needs of a young family.
Sometimes a wife in the middle of the night may feel salty or sweet, or suddenly throw out her emotions, or she urgently, here and now, needs to redevelop the apartment in anticipation of the birth of the child. A husband is needed as a guarantor of all needs, but he is not needed spiritually. “We will have a child, which means you must ...” The list below is attached.
Conviction about the dangers of sex during pregnancy
Anton P .: “My wife and I were worried that our intimacy could harm an unborn baby and our sex life has come to naught. So they lived for some time, but gradually the masculine nature began to take its toll. And although I did not make a permanent mistress, but several meetings with different women helped me a little distracted. It goes without saying that my wife did not need to know about this, because I was worried about the well-being of both her and the unborn child. ”
For many men, having sex with a pregnant woman seems unnatural, seems dangerous and harmful, even if there are no obvious contraindications. Only female imagination and wisdom in intimate matters can help here - so that "the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe."
It happens that a pregnant woman, on the contrary, becomes insatiable in her sexual addictions. Remember that this behavior can also embarrass your spouse and he can take a timeout in your sexual relationships.
Physical unattractiveness of a pregnant woman
Zhenya L .: “I can’t explain why, but sex with a pregnant wife turned out to be something difficult for me. It didn’t turn me on, and absolutely. It seemed better and easier to go left and go back, or even put off everything until better times, all the more so since it’s not so long to wait for the birth of a child. ”
Even if your health allows you to indulge in amorous pleasures, you yourself want this, but ... a woman with a stomach is not a priori perceived by a man as a sexual object, which quite often leads to a betrayal of husbands in relation to pregnant wives.
It is important not to drive the man into a corner, not to reproach that he has stopped loving you, that he does not care about you. It will be better if you play along with him, promising to catch up after giving birth (“yes, dear, for me this is also not the most important thing, we will catch up later”). Your husband will regard you as an ally, get rid of guilt and stop avoiding your company.
It is possible that a man is unfaithful not because of his wife’s pregnancy, but simply because his family’s boat has long been leaking. Most importantly, remember that not only women are vulnerable during pregnancy, but also their men. Husbands also become pregnant to some extent with their wives, and some even experience toxicosis, having “become infected” from their spouse!
Therefore, you need to learn not only to take and demand attention to your person, focusing on your vulnerable position - pregnancy, but also to give, maintain, maintain an emotional and spiritual connection with your spouse during this difficult period. Then you will overcome this difficult period of your family life together.
We also read:
- How to build a relationship with her husband after giving birth
- The husband abandoned the child: what should the mother do
- How to survive a divorce with two children: 7 options for mom
- Tips for divorced parents: how to raise a child after a family collapse
Natalya Tolstaya - What should I do if my husband has a lover? Psychologist's advice
A conversation with psychologist and writer Natalya Tolstoy about what a woman should do if her husband has a lover?
From personal experience, I can say that the final outcome of infidelity depends on the women who surround your spouse, or rather, on their decency. There are women who quite consciously long ago “dream” of your spouse and quite consciously simply “wait” for the right moment.
This is a serious question for the husband - to hold out for 9 months and not change, to remain a man. Unfortunately, this happened in my life, and it’s my own fault. I was preparing for pregnancy and childbirth in books and medical journals, and it was clearly written in them that in the first three months of pregnancy, sexual life should be limited. For me, this word sounded like “excluded”. The husband went “left”, and later the family broke up. Everything must be done wisely and not go to extremes.
Indeed, pregnancy, especially the first, difficult test for a relationship. New sensations, fear, and sometimes malaise come to the fore in a woman and often her husband lacks attention. I, too, went through this, relations began to cool, misunderstanding grew. Fortunately, it didn’t come to adultery; I looked at the situation from the outside in time. The main thing is that you need to discuss with your husband the claims and grievances that arise, to share your new feelings, not forgetting to cope with what worries him, and most importantly, both should have an understanding that these difficulties are temporary.
Why change? cranks for the letter m because. as if you can’t tolerate without sex, man’s hands on what? The husband is not a child, he must understand that now more attention is paid by the woman to her health and the health of the unborn child. and longer what? The child will be born, they will also run to the left, they will pay even more attention to the child.
All crap. Everything depends on the upbringing of the man.
some terrible infantile men are described here. Children, navels of the earth, idlers, sexual maniacs who are not able to restrain themselves, weak-willed and envious, squeamish. Straight fu! You write like that, it’s normal to behave like that. But this is not normal. Why is all responsibility placed on the woman? at what, just at such a vulnerable moment, when she’s feeling bad, there’s a lot to do when she is not taken seriously, when there’s a heap of everything. And we also need to wipe this little guy’s boot. It's easy to get crazy. It is not normal.
Oh you priests, how an ATM use it! A woman is like an incubator, and nothing.
They must be branded a shameful stigma.