How to survive a divorce with two children: 7 options for mom

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Children suffer the most from divorce. They lose not only their father, but also get their mother in a serious psychological state, who has lost support in life. You must be strong.

Children will love their father for the rest of their lives, just as a father will love his children. Just accept it. After the lawsuit, the children will remain with you and you will have to raise them. Sunday dad will not replace children with a full-fledged male upbringing, which is so necessary for the development of the child and the formation of his personality. But it can only cause unnecessary disorders and prevent you from moving on.

Divorce is a very difficult step. More complicated is his struggle with the thoughts with which you will remain after a divorce. They will live in your head for a very long time, fettering the mind and paralyzing the will. Extra digging is not necessary, just do not let them win. How to do it? 7 simple tips.

Do not feel guilty, even if you filed for divorce

Divorce is the end of the family. But who is the real culprit in the breakup of the family? If you file for divorce, this does not mean that you are the culprit of the collapse. Behind the facade of fake well-being, a terrible fact may be hidden - the family is breathing in the air. Maybe you just need to act according to the “falling push” formula? Families do not break up suddenly. Someone works a lot, and someone constantly lies on the couch. Someone is faithful, and someone walks to the left. Someone brings up children, and someone moves away from their duties. Who needs such a marriage? Even if everything was fine, but you fell in love with someone and file for divorce - what now, to the end of your life, repent of your sin?
Filed for divorce - be patient. Better yet, just throw self-derogatory thoughts out of your head and take care of yourself.

Will we stay friends? Thanks but no

Many couples after a divorce try to maintain a good relationship. They are trying to get into each other's position, thinking that it will be better for everyone. But you know what? To hell with that. If you didn’t have children in common - all right, you can be friends, walk, go to the movies.
But you are first a mother, and only then a friend, comrade and brother. Remember this. Today he plays with children, asks you about their successes at school and jokes with him. And tomorrow you will get divorced, the first month or two he will still be kind to the children, and then the period will come “oh, I can’t do it today, come on in a week”, “oh, and let yourself bring them to me” and so on Further. You can go to court. You can score. Each method has its own pros and cons.

By the way, your ex-husband will sooner or have a new passion. And he will begin to spend his money and time on her. Although one day he will still introduce the children to her. How do you react to this? Do not think about it. Will call you - answer, be friendly, not ham. But no need to try to find contacts with her, dubious acquaintances to anything.

This is not your business

You are now not one. Before, you listened to all his long stories about his plans, concerns and hobbies. But now everything has changed. You don’t need it anymore. No, of course, you can call a couple of times a month and have a little chat. If you still have some common hobbies, you can also maintain communication. But everyone will write messages on social networks about all kinds of nonsense - feel free to blacklist them. Ask why? And not why, just like that. This is not his business. You are now out of the way, your paths have diverged. He now has his own path, and you have your own. Remind him more often.

Children do not need to know the reasons for the divorce

Believe me, your children do not need to know this. Of course, children will sooner or later ask - where is dad? You must answer that dad will not live with you anymore. In your answer, focus on the consequences of the absence of the father. “Now I will meet you from school”, “Ask for ice cream from me”, “We will go for a bike next weekend”. Well and so on.

If the father said that he would pay a visit today at 8, so say to the children - DAD SAIDthat today at 8 will come to us. You see, yes? Never say “he will come”, “he will do”, “he will buy”. Say “HE SAIDthat will come ”,“HE SAIDthat will do ”,“HE SAIDthat will buy. " Why is it important? Fathers often make promises, but do not always keep them. And who will swell then? You, my dear, only to you. If he promised something to the child and did not fulfill it, dial his number and give it to the child. Let him explain to him why he could not. The main thing here is not to go too far. Do not play off children with your father, this will only make you worse.

Do you need help

After a divorce, depression always sets in. It is understandable. He used to bring money home, and you spent it on family needs. Now it will not be. If your former decent person - you will receive alimony. But money can spoil even the best person. You used to have support and support. Now she is gone. Extra hysteria is not necessary, but to call and poke friends is not a weakness.

And it's better not to even call and cry on the phone. It’s better to call old friends or go where. Why do you need friends? And don't forget - difficult only the first few months, then life either gets better, or completely goes down the drain. If you switch to new acquaintances, the probability of going along the first track increases markedly.

If you turned onto the second path - run to the psychologist. They are not afraid of them. It would be better even to find a brainwave more terrible. Let it rummage in your head, find the source of the problem and uproot it. Do not save money. No need to go to fortune-tellers, psychics and other charlatans. Your way out is a psychologist with good practice.

Children need you. Set them a good example

Spend your free time on children. Do children look crisp and not complaining? Heh, you only think so. Even if they are no longer children, they still find it difficult. Yesterday they had Dad and Mom - and now Mom and Somewhere-There-Dad. So change your life prove to your children that you are still hoo-hoo, you can please and amaze.

make some new dish or cocktails;
tidy up the house, open the curtains, do not turn your house into a vampire abode;
go to the theater with them for an easy, fun performance;
parks, museums, exhibitions are the best friends of you and your children;
turn on fun driving music more often;
on weekends do not sleep until dinner, get up early and do something;
overwhelmed a few extra thousand? do home repairs!

Do not wait until someone comes and changes the life of you and your children. Do it yourself!

Children are your best friends

Everyone knows how to be strict and fair to their children, decide their fate, teach their lives. And you play the fool with them, walk, give them gifts. Your children are your best friends. They are not things, not objects, they also want something, think about something, dream. Maybe it's time to find out what is in their head?

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