Adopting a child is a very responsible step. The desire to take a foster baby, perhaps even a more serious decision than the birth of their own. And you need to accept it with full responsibility, realizing that you will not have a return trip. Let us dwell in more detail on the difficulties that lie in wait for people who have decided to become adoptive parents.
Collection of documents
Many potential adoptive parents, after contacting the department of guardianship and guardianship, are frightened by the paperwork associated with adoption. And they stop considering this option, believing that it is easier to fly into space than to adopt a child.
The main requirement that makes people willing is income level and strict housing standard: 14 square meters for each member of the family, including the adopted child. He will also need to provide a separate sleeping place and a table for training sessions. There is a separate room for an HIV-infected baby and a disabled child.
If you are determined to take the baby into the family, you should start collecting the necessary documents. You need to confirm your legal capacity as a parent: fill out a questionnaire, provide a marriage certificate (single parents also have a chance to become an adoptive parent), confirm the availability of housing, official work and stable earnings. There are also limitations: criminal record and serious illnesses (tuberculosis, mental disorders, alcoholism, etc.). Their complete list is given in article 127 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation.
Family adoption form
If all the documents are in order, then the family faces a problem - what form of adoption of the child to choose. Let's look at the two most common: custody and adoption.
- Custody
Guardianship implies the adoption of a child as a foster child. It is set over children who have not reached the age of 14, and can be unlimited or assigned for a certain period. The state pays a monthly allowance for a child under guardianship, and when they reach the age of 18, housing is allocated. However, guardianship involves active intervention in the affairs of the family by the relevant authorities. You cannot change the date of birth, and changing a child’s last name is difficult. It should be remembered that at any time other applicants for custody or adoption of a child may appear.
- Adoption
With adoption, the baby acquires a full-fledged family with all rights and obligations. You can change the date of his birth, assign your surname and patronymic.The adopted child receives the right to inherit, like your own children, and in the event of a divorce, the right to alimony. In case of cancellation of adoption, the court, based on the interests of the child, may oblige you to pay funds for its maintenance.
Child adaptation
Many abandoned children have serious problems with adaptation in a foster home. If the parents took the baby from the orphanage, then special problems may not arise, since he still had no negative educational experience. A child over two years old, who has seen enough of the scandals between the biological mom and dad, can react sharply to a loud voice and be afraid of any rustle. It is even more difficult for teenagers to get used to it, having already lived a difficult life and having learned to adapt to it not always in a “legal” way.
Foster parents often fear that children will show poor heredity. Therefore, adults live in constant tension and look for deficiencies in the development and behavior of the child. Noticing bad inclinations, parents begin to think that they can not do anything with bad inclinations, and are disappointed in their choice.
Practice shows that many difficulties arise through the fault of adults. They are afraid to punish the adoptive baby if he not obeying, because they think that he will consider himself unloved and a stranger. Remember that proper upbringing in most cases allows you to straighten your emotional state and get rid of negative habits.
The truth about adoption
Each adoptive parent, sooner or later, asks himself a difficult question: should the child who has already become a family tell the truth about adoption? Let's try to figure out what can happen if you keep a secret.
It seems to many parents that the truth about the appearance of a child in the family can forever cripple his life. It is as if you are trying on this situation on yourself, thinking about how you would feel if your beloved parents suddenly turned out to be step-parents. Of course, this would be a serious blow.
On the other hand, where is the guarantee that the child will not find this truth in the documents or numerous “well-wishers” will not tell him? To know that you are foster, from strangers is much more unpleasant. Not only that mom and dad are not relatives, but also, it turns out that they lied to you all your life. In such a case, mistrust and disappointment, as well as numerous problems, are inevitable in a relationship.
To tell or not to tell the truth to the step-child is up to you. But if your offspring, having learned that he is not native, feels an atmosphere of love and understanding, serious conflicts should not arise.
The decision on the adoption or custody of the child must be carefully thought out and necessarily agreed with all family members. Any impulse, even the kindest, is inappropriate here. After all, a fleeting pity for the fate of the unfortunate baby can turn into big problems. Do not forget that repeated refusal or the return of the child to the orphanage can cause serious injury to the child's psyche.
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Remember that your love, care, patience and willingness to overcome all difficulties will be the starting point in creating a happy family.
We also have an adopted son. We took him when he was 3 years old .. There were no special problems. The main thing is just to give him attention and care and he will repay the same ..
We had no problems until our child's neighboring children began to say that he was adopted .. I had to sit down and talk, explain why it all happened ..
We can’t have a baby and we began to think about taking the baby from the orphanage .. I hope that we don’t have such problems.
A foster child is always a big risk. But despite this, I took on the upbringing of a one-year-old child. So far, so good. She became dear to me.
We did not hide from our son that he was taken from an orphanage. It’s better we tell him about it than someone outsider and in a rather rude form ..
We have been raising an adopted child for 4 years. There are no difficulties. Most likely because we took our daughter when she was only 4 months old and she does not know what the absence of maternal love is.
I sincerely believe that such problems will bypass us. I want our son to never experience disappointment in us. We bring him up as a native.
Yes, we also understood that there could be problems, but in spite of this we adopted a baby. He loves us, we, too, and so far so good. I hope that this will continue.