After the birth of the baby, newly made parents have many fears. They worry that something will happen to the child - he will fall ill, get hurt, will contact bad people. Often, on this basis, real phobias arise that provoke panic attacks. To cope with such conditions, the advice of the psychologist Koval Boris will help you.
We live in peacetime, but, unfortunately, there are terrorist attacks and accidents, which are regularly reported in the news. When something like this happens, parents start to worry very much about their children, so they are afraid to leave them unattended. Sometimes fear surges so much that an adult clutches his heart whenever a child disappears from view or does not answer the phone. There is a fear that the irreparable will happen. And fears are enough to limit the freedom of movement of the child: when the child will cross the road, that someone will attack him, when he will be left alone. All this forces parents to significantly restrict the freedom of movement of children.
What are parents afraid of?
The answer to this question is extremely simple, they are afraid to lose control: with the advent of the baby, parents understand that they will not be able to protect him from all possible troubles, moreover, children often become the cause of their troubles and it is simply impossible to prevent all possible situations. Given that children often do not obey and violate adult prohibitions, parental consciousness begins to rebel. After all, nothing is more important than a child. I want to do everything possible and impossible to ensure its safety.
Parents are always worried that their child will fall, fall into bad company, and will not return home from a walk on time. In an attempt to protect their child from dangers, they risk depriving him of all the charms of a free life, the ability to make mistakes and fail, which provide a valuable new experience and temper character. After all, the only way to prevent failures is to teach the child to do nothing himself without parental approval.
Such education will inevitably lead to "disability" (in psychology there is such a definition) of a situation where an adult and a completely healthy person constantly needs help, as if he is an invalid.
If you do not want such a future for your child, you will have to accept your own helplessness before natural disasters, elements, various emergency situations, and some diseases. The point, of course, is not to completely surrender to chance. Just do not cheat yourself. Keep in mind rational care and take actions that minimize risks.
We also read: 7 things that all mothers fear, but in vain
How to stop worrying about children?
Psychologists advise parents to think about the nature of their fears. They are divided into 2 types:
- Rational fears are those that appear on the basis of objective reasons. For example, the fear of letting the child out if there is unrest at the moment is justified.
- Emotional fears are no longer real, but invented dangers for the child, which throws parents into their imagination. They begin to think up why trouble might happen - the elevator will fall, the plane in which the child flies will crash. There is a theoretical probability of such events, but not the fact that all this will happen in reality.
If fear is rational, that is justified, it requires rational reactions. In this case, measures must be taken to enhance security in order to prevent unwanted events. So, without letting the child go for a walk, if there is a fight in the yard, parents will feel relief. If fear is not based on real events, but on emotions, then no action will reduce the level of anxiety.
What to do if you are far from your child or nothing depends on you? What if you can’t influence the current events in any way, especially if your imagination draws danger?
You need to understand that it makes no sense to worry about something that may not have happened, and indeed never will. In inventing terrifying pictures when the child does not answer the phone, the parents exhaust themselves, but you need to put up with the fact: you are not omnipotent and cannot protect your child from all adversities. All the same, situations will arise that you will not be able to influence.
On the other hand, parents now have many opportunities to increase the safety of their children. You can sew a GPS beacon in your backpack - this will allow you to track the location of the child and be sure that he has come to school. Another option is to give your child a panic button, when clicked, a message comes to parents asking for help. These are rational actions aimed at protecting the child from real threats, and emotional reactions do not protect anyone from anything. Invented troubles that children can fall into, but most likely will not fall into, provoke only heart problems in their parents.
Read also:
- How to teach a child to talk with strangers on the street
- 7 rules your child must learn to protect himself from strangers
- 10 precautions that parents should educate their child
Fears of parents. Alexander Palienko
I’m just one of those mothers who are prone to emotional fear, I manage to overcome it with difficulty. When a child is in kindergarten, I just try to switch to work and not think about what could happen there.
It’s probably not possible to stop being afraid for children, you can only pretend that you are not afraid, and therefore no one to interfere with, no one to get out with your fears. To be afraid for the people dearest to you is normal, of course, without bringing your fears to a phobia.
To the question of fears and phobias, let me answer as a believing mother. Yes, fears come, there are more of them. But it is important to remember that fear is a spiritual concept, and therefore it is necessary to fight it with spiritual methods. Trust God yourself and trust Him your child. How? Just pray for him every day. Take the 90 psalm and use it as a prayer, substituting your names in it. The Bible says that the angels of our children see the face of Heavenly Father every day. And popular wisdom says that the prayer of the mother will raise the child from the bottom of the well. Consolation can only be found in God. Believe my experience. God's blessings to your families!