When a baby appears in the family, a lot of problems immediately pop up to the surface, which previously careless parents could not even think of. Together with a child, not only the habit of stopping at a store by the shelf with toys comes into our life, but also new feelings and fears. Most often, these experiences have nothing to do with grace and carefree tenderness, on the contrary, we are attacked by anxious feelings. As a child grows up, fears accumulate, grow and grow stronger. And instead of delight, joy and tenderness, the mother, bending over the crib, experiences unaccountable anxiety. However, most fears have no real basis. We shatter the groundless parental experiences so that they no longer interfere with enjoying every minute spent with the baby.
1. Horror! He is chewing a shoe!
Previously, the apartment seemed to you quite clean and safe. And even if it was not as neat as we would like, no one saw this as a serious problem. From time to time, a vacuum cleaner went into business, once a week a wet cleaning was solemnly carried out, and that’s all: it is quite possible to live in a house. But then a child was born, and it suddenly turned out that in every room there are at least 322 traumatic objects, the apartment is simply awash with dangerous microbes, sharp objects and combustible materials, pets are an uncontrollable elemental threat, and due to the abundance of dust and dirt under the bed soon new life forms spontaneously arise. And the kid stubbornly drags all this disgrace into his mouth, including the dust and tail of Vaska's cat. In such cases, many mothers throw their last efforts to fight with dirt, trying to sanitize everything around, including the cat. And completely in vain! It turns out that modern science believes that the child is right, and we are not.
The immunologist and microbiologist Mary Ryubush, who wrote the book “Why Dirt Is Good”, indicates that, according to recent studies, the entry of bacteria from the environment into the body stimulates the immune system, tempers the body, this is prevention from allergies and autoimmune diseases. Therefore, do not lose consciousness when you see a child licking an uninfected foot of a chair or a cat's ear. Calm down and exhale.
We also read: Does the child need sterile conditions?
2. Horror! I will teach him hands!
Although there are no children in the world who, in adulthood, prefer to sit in the arms of their parents, the myth of “not falling off” is somehow terribly tenacious.Parents who want to grow a strong, independent personality out of a child often try to accustom their baby to independence from the cradle. Instead of taking the crying baby in their arms, they reluctantly leave him to whimper in the crib. They simply do not know how harmful it is to leave a child alone to cope with negative emotions.
According to the English psychotherapist Sue Gerhard in the book “How Love Forms the Child’s Brain,” you should never do this and talk about the dangers of such an approach. Emotional and bodily contact with parents is necessary for the baby for the normal development of the nervous system, the proper functioning of the left hemisphere of the brain and the formation of a healthy psyche. Children, who were picked up only to feed and change the diaper, at a later age are more difficult to cope with cognitive tasks and are less likely to experience positive emotions. Therefore, boldly carry the babies in your arms - so you take care of his intellectual development and overall health no less. It is literally in your hands. Moreover, children will definitely not want to sit on your hands until adulthood.
We also read: How to wean a child by the hand
3. The horror! I'm doing it wrong!
It is customary to do many different things with the kids: bathe in a foam cap, play magpie-crow, brush the first teeth with a silicone brush, brush the crown of the head with a soft brush ... Moms disciplinedly do the whole range of procedures until they suddenly have a scary thought: what if Am I doing everything wrong? Suddenly, playing "Magpie-Crow" is necessary in a completely different way, and the foam cap should be of a different design? No wonder there are so many experts around. And all - hello neurosis and long surfing on specialized sites and in search of truth, mothers dive on the Internet, where within the first 7 minutes they find the symptoms of five diseases that their baby probably suffers, and eleven ways to play the notorious “magpie”. And the most interesting thing is that people sitting "on the other side of the Internet" seem to them to be cool experts in the field of parenting, and they themselves - complete mediocrity. And the thought does not even come to mind that bathing, caring and playing with children are largely a matter of cultural characteristics, not life and death. The style of the bonnet does not affect the health of the crumbs.
We are a unique generation of parents, we do not trust ourselves as much as we trust specialists from the Internet.
4. The horror! I play wrong with a child!
Surprisingly, it is a fact: the child of the first years of life does not need a clever specialist animator at all. The one he needs most is you. Even if you are in a bad mood. Many parents have no idea how to play with their children. They are ready to learn from books how to do “cuckoo” and “horned goat”, and when they try to sing a lullaby, they hesitantly mumble something about a gray top. And this is not a problem! The baby is completely indifferent to how he is entertained, the main thing is that you do it. It is your smile, the clumsy “horned goat” and the voice humming something obscure, that are the most pleasant course of things for the son or daughter. Your child perceives your voice, your smell, your funny comments in attempts to curb the jumpsuit as the most natural and best course of things. Be proud. So you can safely put aside doubts and be yourself, the baby loves you in any manifestation.
5. The horror! He will never learn to walk, poop in a pot, eat on his own!
The favorite pastime of modern mothers is the Internet search for age-related norms of child development. Apparently, there is some excitement in the study of age norms, otherwise why do parents study them so fanatically, and after thoroughly studying and learning them, they conduct lively conversations on the playgrounds with “competitors” mothers, finding out when Vasya erupted his first tooth, and Petya became ask for a pot. And God forbid, if their child is somehow behind the peers! “And we have already learned how to assemble a pyramid!” And you? Disassemble the car? Daddy ?! And, while ours ... But we already have 5 teeth! ” And it makes no sense to say that age norms are not strictly limited rigid frameworks, and any child is a unique person with individual characteristics. Fortunately, all these worries are quickly forgotten: in a few months you will not be able to say with confidence when your baby learned to roll over on his stomachand when for the first time crawled.
6. Horror! He will start colic!
Colic is the main “scarecrow” for any mom. Not only is the baby mysterious in itself, it also has strange bouts of incessant roar. If no one understands why is the baby crying more than three hours, he is diagnosed with colic and is advised of many folk remedies. Stories about how babies cry day and night can deprive parents of peace for a long time, even if nothing like this has happened to their child. They are trying to give the baby a drink with all kinds of medicines, starting with traditional medicine and ending with pharmacy drugs. The main thing in this situation is not to panic! Modern medicine is quite capable of solving the problem with colic without resorting to radical methods.
We also read: Colic in infants: symptoms and how to relieve a baby from pain
7. The horror! He will drop the cupboard on himself!
Nailing all heavy objects to the floor will not be out of place 🙂
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Video consultation: 7 fears of parents that you should forget about. How to stop being afraid that you are a bad mother?
Mom's fears are really endless. And others around and are trying to form a new phobia. In general, for the first three months of HB, I was afraid to eat, although the child is not allergic, there was practically no colic. As I recall, only boiled beef, buckwheat and half a green apple. And all because my grandmother, who was visiting somewhere on the Internet, read that the rest was dangerous and inspired me. The ability to filter information comes with time.
I wasn’t from the category of “crazy” mothers and I’ll say for sure that I enjoyed the time when my son needed me. Spock says that the baby should constantly feel affection and care for him, no matter what we played, the main thing was next.
When there is no experience, then fears are a completely natural thing. Over time, they pass and carelessness may appear, which in certain circumstances will become much worse.All fears arise at the level of instincts and are only beneficial, although of course everything is good in moderation.
And why should you be afraid not to be the most ideal and not the most skilled? These are some complexes against the background of ideal insta-moms, you need to believe in yourself and see the smile of your child - this is important)