Carefully bringing the child into the house waiting for him, at first you are ready to carry it on your hands for as long as you need, as you wore nine months before birth under your heart. But days run by, fatigue accumulates, it begins to seem that the baby cannot wait for you silently for a second. Things are multiplying, I want to get distracted, relax. Suddenly it dawns on you: yes, I, apparently, pamper him. Why is he doing harm, refuses to understand, does not allow him to do anything other than him? Therefore, the question of how to wean a child by hand is quite popular on various online forums and blogs.
Why baby mom's hands
Remember! You can wean a child by hand even in the first month, at least a year, at least two years ... Then you decide when to start doing it yourself. And whether to start at all!
A newborn baby is completely defenseless. He can tell something to his mother, from whom he is now torn off, so far only by shouting. This he does, especially the restless kid. He can give out help signals when:
He wants to eat. In a baby eating mixtures, the interval between feedings is about 3 hours. With natural feeding, they are much smaller;- He was overtaken by small but insidious troubles - the baby described himself, coddled. Wet, disgusting. No one will like it;
- Hot or cold. Newborns have poor temperature conditions. Therefore, dress a frozen baby, but do not allow overheating;
- Colic torment. A common problem before the age of three months. Special preparations, a gentle massage, and also “dry heat” help: a child needs to be pressed with a tummy to itself;
- Got sick. Alas, this happens;
- Uncomfortable to lie. This is facilitated by poorly laid diapers, the absence of a change in position, the ability to move;
- He is lonely, scared, bored. Of course, a small child does not know the name of these sensations. But feels them. And children feel their mother’s mood, and her irritation or unwillingness to take them makes them look for heat even more. This also applies to older children;
- Wants to sleep. Crying can be an unconscious reaction of the body, and do not immediately pick up. Perhaps he will fall asleep himself.
Related article: why is the baby cryinghow to understand the reason for crying
If you can’t calm the baby with motion sickness, do not rush to panic. Perhaps this method of reassurance does not suit him - as diaper changing is not suitable for all children. Look for another way to distract and calm him. But then you do not have to wean the baby from your hands.
Remember: being at your chest, on your familiar hands, the child again feels a part of you. He receives the physical contact he naturally needs. This is how the formation of a sense of trust. When there is no response to the baby’s signals, it will form truncated, which will then affect the entire emotional side of his life. However, your reaction must occur in a timely manner.A hug or a raise is not faster than the child asked for it, and no later than the moment when the child’s call grows into hysteria - this is one of the first conditions for the correct development of the child, confident in the love of parents and the safety of the world.
How much do you need it
Think about why it’s so important for you to wean your child. If there is no need to return to work, then what is the reason: time for oneself, or the fear that the child’s hands get off his neck, will be a weakling?
If the cause is fatigue, sit down and discuss the situation with your husband. Turn to mom, to friends. Ask for help. Distribute responsibilities. Alas, while you have to live in a zone of discomfort, but it will pass. Like the miracle of growing up a child. Remember: you are on vacation for the daily and difficult care of a growing child - not for an apartment.
On this topic. We strongly recommend that you read:
How can a young mother cope with a child and household chores - tips and tricks.
And additional tips for young mothers - how not to go crazy after childbirth 🙂
If you are completely unbearable
Ways to reduce the time spent in the child’s arms are simple, but they invariably require patience, love, understanding, and confidence. To the baby stopped using you as a horse around the clock, you need to do the following:
- Do not take away the opportunity to be in your arms sharply. It will become an injury, a punishment. Act gradually, calmly, gently, consistently;
- Talk about everything around you with the child, sing different songs, nursery rhymes, tell interesting tales. The kid will understand: mom is with him;
- Hang over the crib mobile. Change toys, show them to the baby;
- Show pictures, household items, describe them;
- Get a development mat. Many kids on it are interested;
- While walking, try to show something to the child, to tell. Let him sleep less on the street. Asleep at home after an intensive walk, he will enable you to complete household chores;
- If the stroller is in the apartment, the baby can be put in it. The same applies to child seats or rockers. Crawling the kids spread the blanket, lay out the toys;
- Take your child with you to the kitchen. Explain what you are doing. Watching you nearby, he will worry less;
- When laying in bed, do not download. Ventilate the room. Stroke the baby on the tummy, sing the lullaby. You can hold it a little on your lap, and, having caught the moment of falling asleep, shift it to the bed. Woke up - repeat this technique.
Video: weaning by hand using the super nanny technique
Having weaned by hand, think: soon the baby will grow up. Enjoy its growth. After all, the child will not come running on the handle, falling in front of classmates or having failed in a relationship. You will remember with warmth and regret the process of weaning your now adult child by hand. Remember: everything on earth has its time.
If the baby sleeps with his parents, then the time comes when the baby must sleep in his crib -we teach a child to sleep in his crib separately from his mother.
There are situations when a child falls asleep only on his hands, and as soon as you put him to bed, he immediately wakes up, here is the articlewhere we wrote about this.
It will also be interesting to know how to wean a baby from a baby bottle (+ there are many links to useful publications in the article).
Psychologist Alexander Melnikov answers how to wean a child by hand
Mommies, do not punish your child with excommunication. Well, really, you won’t lose it, and the child will feel protected and at least a couple of years will live comfortably. Do not follow fashion and love your children, because this love for you will come back more than once.
I was probably lucky, but I did not encounter the difficulties of weaning the child from the hands. When my daughter learned to walk, she practically stopped asking for pens, preferring to research everything on her own. But she cannot fall asleep without my presence, I have to wait until she falls asleep, and then go go about my own business.
She wore so much on her hands until she was 2 years old, then there was a break - the second pregnancy. And hands again. But this did not make him “addicted”. On the contrary, it gave a sense of security, care. I believe that this lays the foundation for self-confidence in the future. Now he is 5.5 and I still like to pick him up, but it's already hard. Yes, and the son says, “what are you, mom.”
What the fuck article was called “weaning by hand” ???? The article should have been titled “1000 and one reason to make a child tame”. For example, I have a manual child and another child ten months older (1.5 older and younger 7 months). And I'm going crazy with him, not having the opportunity to pay attention to the eldest, husband, myself. It turns out that if a child is weaned without taking him in his arms, then he will be further vulnerable, weak, anxious, etc. Damn, this is not child abuse. I wean by hand, parents make their child independent, preparing for a future life. Do what you want - I’ll wean, in spite of the cunning manipulations of my arrogant son
Previously, Komarovsky listened to advice when she raised the first, then, with the second, it finally dawned on me that he was not a fan of children at all. Well, he doesn’t like when children are fully loved. His motto “Happy mother is a screaming child”, it seems to me. Like, at least that, and mom should score on the child and serve dad. Well this is an inflection. Pick up only when hungry, etc. Does he know the psychology of children? Moms, take your children in your arms! This moment is so brief. They grow up - you will not kiss once again after all. And if you have to keep up with everything around the house, then put the child in a sling and do whatever you want.
Oh, look at them. Why are you sitting here and reading the whole article, since you realized a long time ago that you can and should be on your hands! What hypocritical you are! Disgust is direct!
Excuse me, of course ... I have been waiting for my child for 6 years and thank God, he gave me this joy, but I can’t go to the toilet !!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t cook not for myself to eat for her, she screams as if they were cutting her vividly, when I lay her down for a minute or five, there is such a cry that I’m already scared, she’s already suffocating when I pick up in her arms she immediately falls silent and smiles through her tears I’ve gotten it)))))))) I get sooo tired, it’s intolerable to walk on the street (we are 5, 5 months old), we shout the victims)))) I carry the stroller and carry it (8 kg). Girls, everyone can have a different concept (wean by hand) ... I don’t mean not to hold it when she sleeps for 2 hours, I miss him already, I want to wake up faster and squeeze to her arms)) But, when my daughter woke up , I understand, everything, we drop everything that I started ... cooking, cleaning ... the toilet ... the shower ... it’s also impossible.I myself didn’t understand how quickly she got used to her hands ... It's hard for a girl, very hard ((
It’s so hard when there are 3 children in the house and the youngest is constantly on her hands. It’s half the grief. But she needs to be worn around the apartment for hours and then sleep for another 20 minutes, so all the sweat comes out. What are you telling someone to help when the husband is on work. so two more other children in the kindergarten to collect. Eat to cook and clean the apartment. So in the evening you get down and don’t hear how you wake up to eat at night that your husband gets up and feeds.
Try to put 8 kilos all day on your hands (and we only have 3 months), what further, the back does not bend, But I also have a daughter, who also wants my attention and her husband, and I have one thought to lie down in the evening to the floor and stretch out to remove the load of the back. I do not mind wearing it on my hands but not all day.
What nonsense many commentators write! The husband came from work and let him choose what to do, how to help his wife: either walk around the house or walk with the baby in his arms all evening.
Those who have older children need to strain them with help, especially if they are daughters. They will be able to cook and tidy up the house from the age of 7.
And the fact that mother collects schoolchildren to school and father to work with the baby in her arms is, well, she’s to blame herself! I’m going to warm my shirts for a week in one evening, I’ll prepare food for a few days. Next - yourself.
I have a slow cooker to help, breakfast is being prepared, I only load milk and cereals.
Who has a child of 8 kg in 3 months? Are you born 6 kg? Or so fed?
Usually, children weigh 8-9 kg per year.
And who said that Komarovsky is the ultimate truth?
He says: a happy mother is a happy baby.
Think with your own head what your happiness is!
He is right in one thing: the child will forever remain yours, but the husband will not. Therefore, the husband does not deprive attention.
Do things together, after all! Let her know that the mother is not “sitting” on maternity leave, with folded arms.