Why 3 years is the optimal difference between children. Pros and cons of a difference of 3 years. Features of raising children.
Are you planning a second pregnancy?
Doctors and psychologists believe that the difference between children of 3 years is the most suitable. Why?
According to doctors, the woman’s body has fully recovered after the first birth. For their part, psychologists say that Mom’s difficult period is behind. The child has grown, which means that physical activity has decreased. A small interval between years increases the likelihood of common interests, brings children together.
However, each specialist looks from his belfry. I propose to consider the situation on the part of parents. At the same time, get acquainted with the difficulties that mom and dad can expect, giving preference to a difference of children in 3 years.
Pros and cons of a difference of 3 years
One child is good, and two is better! So, what are the benefits that tempt parents to have babies with a small gap?
pros
- Independence. By this time, the child knows how to do a lot himself: dress, eat, play. At the age of three, children begin to realize themselves as a separate person. The phrases “I myself”, “I am big” appear in the speech. He has his own circle of interests, hobbies, friends.
- Attention and load. Older child goes to kindergarten, which means that it will be physically easier for mom. In the morning she is busy with household chores and babies; in the evening, dad helps with the baby. Mother can pay attention to the first child, chat, play with him.
- To visit relatives. The first-born has grown and is no longer dependent on his mother as before. You can not be afraid to leave it for the weekend with grandparents, aunts. On the one hand, the child expands the circle of communication. On the other hand, mom has the opportunity to temporarily reduce physical and psychological stress.
- Little helper. With the advent of a brother or sister, perforce, the firstborn has to grow up faster and learn to help parents. Somewhere bring a bag, serve, bring, 5 minutes to look after the little one. An older child can be a great helper. A sense of responsibility is brought up.
- Always near. 3 years is a small difference. The grown up kids spend a lot of time together: they play, build buildings from cubes, draw, attend circles, and help each other. The time they spend together is rallying. Over the years, these relationships persist and grow stronger. Children, with a small age difference, are very friendly, have common interests, hobbies and friends.
- An example to follow. The older child as a model of behavior for the younger. The first-born wants to be proud of him. He tries to do everything right, masters the skills of independence, helps parents, looks after the baby and even participates in his upbringing.Mother and father praise the preschool assistant, and the baby takes an example from him.
- Learning requires control. And attention from parents. Explain the rules, do homework, help put together a portfolio. By the time the first-born goes to school, the baby will be 3 years old. He will become quite independent and more or less independent, will go to kindergarten. Parents will be able to pay more attention to senior education.
Minuses
Unfortunately, the difference in babies at 3 years old also brings certain difficulties:
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- The crisis of 3 years. The appearance of the second baby in the family falls on the difficult period of the eldest child. At this age, children become naughty, stubborn, tearful. It will be difficult for a woman to adapt to the whims of both whims (3 years crisis).
- Still small. Although the older kid is already doing a lot himself, he still needs help. Pour water, serve a mug, help get dressed, button up shoes, take them to kindergarten ... A baby takes a lot of time. Mother is all in household chores and attached to the crumbs. While the baby is small, it is physically difficult to care for two babies.
- Dependence. Mom goes for a walk with the eldest child when she can cope with household chores, plus you need to adapt to the needs of the baby. The younger the second child, the more the mother and first-born depend on his needs and mood.
- From maternity to maternity. The kid grew up, and only the woman got some free time. Going to the cinema, cafe, evening walks with your beloved, meeting with friends ... And again, diapers, vests, diapers ... Personal life is postponed. We start from the beginning.
- Two is too much. It’s hard for grandparents to keep track of the two little ones. At best, they can either help physically, or take only one child for the weekend. Neither option will allow mom to allocate enough time for herself.
- Mom is not to blame. The second baby takes a lot of attention and strength. Mom is torn between household chores and two children. Some women are very worried that they can not devote enough time to the older child. Because of this, they feel guilty, which can turn into a depressed state, depression.
- A career will wait. Two maternity in a row - a total of 6 years is obtained, which must be devoted to family and children. You will have to sacrifice work achievements and postpone career progression.
- Caution! He is still small! Children 3 years old do not know how to handle newborns. The first-born can accidentally hurt the baby, put in the hand of a baby, a small object. Leaving them alone even for 1 minute is not safe!
Age difference: maternity to maternity
Features of parenting with a slight difference
There are disagreements between the kids, and jealousy, and greed. Simple recommendations will help to avoid unpleasant moments and minimize the shortcomings of the three-year difference between the children:
- Parents often persuade older children to succumb to younger ones. This is fundamentally wrong! You need to treat children the same way. Otherwise, over time, babies begin to use their privileges and require special attention from adults, brothers and sisters. The first child is offended by such injustice. There is hostility to the younger.
- Do not put children to each other as an example. Older babies grow up and sometimes disobey their parents, show obstinacy, childish egoism. This is normal. However, if you compare children and expose the eldest to bad compared to the younger, the first-born will have a feeling that they love him less
- Do not use the child as a nanny. It can help parents look after the baby, but do not abuse childish naivety. It is found that older children are required to look after the kids. Help grows into a constant and imposed “You must”. The child is deprived of his childhood, only he will not blame his parents, but his younger brother or sister.
- Do not shift responsibility for the second child on the shoulders of the first-born. Older children often “flies” because they overlooked the baby.In turn, such an indulgence gives children a reason to enjoy impunity. They begin to do it in spite, they are mischievous, they substitute the older brothers because they know that they will not scold them for this.
- Prefer games that are suitable for both children. Firstly, it’s not a shame. Secondly, rallying kids. Thirdly, it shows that mom loves two equally. The more children spend time together, the stronger their affection for each other.
- Toddlers are big owners, and sometimes they are greedy for their younger brothers and sisters. Each child should have its own space. However, from the first days, teach him to share. Try to buy games the same or identical, if it is a constructor, then for two. For same-sex children, choose toys of equal value.
- Meets between kids with a little difference and jealousy. Prepare your child for a sibling in advance. Pay equal attention to both so that they do not suspect that they love the other more. Treat babies equally fair. Go for a walk with the whole family. Say more often that you love them, and how good it is that there are now two of them in the family.
The difference between children of three years, like any other, has its advantages and disadvantages. How close and friendly the children will be depends on their parents.
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My younger sister and I have just the age difference of three years. At first I was looking forward to her appearance, and then I was very upset - all her attention. The situation was saved by my grandmother, who was already a pensioner and paid attention to me, while my mother was more concerned with my sister.
There is still the financial side of the issue, not all husbands earn so that you can safely go from maternity to maternity. For myself, I decided after the decree to think about the second kid no sooner than the first goes to school. And the first will grow up, and I will earn good maternity, and I will have time to relax.
Many mothers worry that between children with a difference of 3 years, disputes and jealousy can often arise, because they are still too small for conscious interaction with each other. From personal experience I’ll say that of course there is such a problem, the main thing is not to give up and talk a lot with children and explain what is “good” and what is “bad”. I try not to compare children with each other, I try to give everyone a portion of attention and care. Now the eldest is already trying to care for the youngest without my hints, wants to seem independent and “adult”)). Honestly, I expected more difficulties than they are now. The only problem is when one child is sick, the other starts to get sick. But this, of course, is fixable. In my opinion, the difference of 3 years is the most optimal!
If you approach the matter wisely and responsibly, then everything will be fine. My children have a difference of three years. Yes, it’s difficult, but my husband and I can handle everything. And who said it would be easy? Parenting is always work.
Many mothers worry that between children with a difference of 3 years, disputes and jealousy can often arise, because they are still too small for conscious interaction with each other. From personal experience I’ll say that of course there is such a problem, the main thing is not to give up and talk a lot with children and explain what is “good” and what is “bad”. I try not to compare children with each other, I try to give everyone a portion of attention and care. Now the eldest is already trying to care for the youngest without my hints, wants to seem independent and “adult”)). Honestly, I expected more difficulties than they are now. The only problem is when one child is sick, the other starts to get sick. But this, of course, is fixable. In my opinion, the difference of 3 years is the most optimal!
And what is most acceptable to me is that children with a difference of three years belong to the same generation. This means that they will have common values, interests, understanding, the same school curriculum.