I still remember the words of a loved one: “You know that I love you very much. But I’m not ready for the family and it’s unlikely that I will ever be ready. ” His words were reminiscent of words from some stupid series.
The decision that I made can also be called "serial."
I answered, fearing my own courage: “Good. I propose to do this: I will get pregnant from you and I will raise a child alone. I’ll go to another city with my mother, and you will never see me again. ”
Although, in general, I had nothing to fear: I graduated from the university, I had fairly young and understanding parents who were ready to help. I thought: I’ll get a job, start making money, hiring a babysitter. A welcome child from a beloved man is great. Being sure that a boy would be born, she planned to give him the name of his father.
My beloved did not agree at once - I had to persuade him for several months. My idea seemed to him too non-standard, strange. I became pregnant as soon as possible. When I found out that I was expecting a baby, the first thing I did was inform the father of the baby, and then I called mom and dad. Then I bought a one-way ticket from Moscow. I thought that I was doing the right thing, but I still doubted in my heart: would I cope with such a difficult task? From the side it seemed that I was the heroine of a female novel. Only now I had no idea what the content of each chapter of this “book” is.
Feeling of vulnerability
A sharp breakup is not an easy test for any person. But during pregnancy, experiencing the full range of emotions becomes even more difficult, because you are already responsible not only for yourself, but also for the baby. You can not cry all day in the pillow and indulge in despondency - this can harm the baby. You can’t drink a whole bottle of wine with friends or go on dates without a twinge of conscience to distract yourself. You need to think about a healthy diet and a good sleep, and not about your unhappy fate. Sleep, eat healthy food and not worry if possible. Everything was bad with the nerves: due to stress, I ended up in the hospital with bleeding, risking losing my baby.
Feeling of loneliness
Of course, my parents supported and helped me in every way. Friends also did not forget, often called, were interested in my condition. But there are feelings that I want to share not with parents and girlfriends, but with a loved one. I thought I could handle it, but it turned out to be much more complicated: husbands visited my roommates, stroked my stomach, asked if everything was all right. They laughed and smiled happily upon hearing the phrase “Again kicks, will be with a strong character”. I felt sad and lonely.
Misunderstanding of others
The girls in the ward were interested: “Are you not married? Why doesn’t yours come? ” Some people had a look of pity for me in their eyes, others - disapproval, and it happened that superiority. Perhaps this is my paranoia, and even in the innocuous questions of doctors about my husband’s data, I found a catch.In a provincial town, everyone knows each other. I met former teachers, classmates, their parents on the street. Everyone looked at the rounded belly and smiled, asking when I got married. It was not easy for me.
Guilt
It was hard for me to look at fathers with prams. They seemed to me wonderful and kind people who care about children, love their family, bear responsibility for it. And I myself deprived my father of my child. I was tormented by doubts: was I right in making such a decision? I really looked forward to the birth of the baby, and I was very disappointed for him.
After his birth, it became easier for me: maternal love and joy blocked all negative emotions. I believed that I would cope with adversity, because now I have a man for whom I will strive for a better life. Being in a position and already holding a child in their arms are two different things.
My story has a happy ending: my man decided that we need to become a family, live together and raise a son. I was not long a “single mother,” but I will never forget these experiences. Probably, you need to write some kind of morality or clever idea, but I do not know what can be added. What would I do without a husband? Maybe. Which two are easier? Of course. One thing I know for sure: in the phrase “single mother” the main word is the second.
We also read:
This story ended well. But I am sure that even if the author continued to raise her child in the status of a “single mother,” the outcome would also be positive. Nowadays, many give birth "for themselves", I do not see anything wrong with that. Everyone has the right to choose how to build their life and family!
It seems to me that all decisions in this situation are absolutely correct. It’s better to give birth to yourself from a loved one than to marry anyone and live inexplicably. In such a situation, the child will have to suffer even more. It’s good that your story ended “well.” But many would not make such a choice and could have a lot of problems in the future, both with health and the psyche.
I think that the matter is not in the child, but in the strength of our desires. The woman wanted to have a baby for herself, she gave birth to him. But after she fulfilled her wish, it turned out that the opinion of others was important to her, she would like her father to participate in the upbringing of the child, and she herself was lonely. All these moments could be foreseen in advance, but just at that moment she had a desire. When she realized it, they came to the fore. Someone wanted the same money, killed because of it, and then (after fulfilling the desire) it turned out that he always knew that it was not good to kill.
Horror in the name itself: “gave birth FOR YOURSELF”!
This other person was born - with his fate, with his plans for his own life!
What does it mean - “for yourself” ???? You gave him life, and you must preserve and grow this life.
Instead, the mother, who does not know where to apply herself, decided to make a toy for herself! So it begins, “we pee, we poop,” as I call these mother vampires.
It is sad that commentators do not see anything unnatural and harmful for the baby in this.
What does “lonely” mean to her ???? The kid is not obliged to fill your infantile insufficiency, to provide the meaning of your immature life! He has a bunch of his most difficult tasks for this life.
With this attitude to life, it’s not about giving birth to children and parasitizing on them, but running to the psychotherapist and growing up urgently!
Because the new man to whom she stuck with her “loneliness” is also not obliged to fill her spiritual voids. It is unlikely that this union will last long - who will like it, that they will suck you out, because on their own, like all normal adults, they cannot fill up?
The child’s father most likely decided to stay away for the same reason.
People cannot judge other people; it can only be God. Well, at first I decided to give birth for myself. Words, of course, cut the ear, but so are the many young ladies giving birth alone without husbands. These words are an ordinary justification in the current situation, but you need to say something, even to yourself. Everything in life happens. I believe that this is an ordinary everyday situation, and not an isolated one. After all, to find a woman for himself a man to his liking, and also for love is a lottery of life. Well, there would be no complete family, it’s okay, it would be realized as a woman.