Previously, I was sure that the desire to have a second child arises from parents when they consider themselves prepared for this event. For example, there was confidence in their abilities to provide another baby, such a spiritual need arose, the family has a place of love and mutual understanding, enough strength that I want to give to another little man. In a word, the same thing as with the first child, only much more confidence and readiness for the manifestation of parental responsibilities. But it turned out that this does not always happen.
Throughout my life, I have often heard very strange reasons for giving birth to a second child, which made me only perplexed. Let's talk about this in more detail.
Reason number 1. You have to give birth to a second, otherwise the first child will be selfish
A completely wrong position. Any child will be selfish if brought up in an atmosphere of permissiveness and indulge all his desires. I have many life examples before my eyes when there were several children in the family, but, nevertheless, the egoists were there too. So how could this happen if, following the above logic, only an only child can be selfish?
The thing is that the egoists in large families are just the children who receive more parental affection and permissiveness - "the youngest is the best." If the child feels that he is being excreted, and he is the “main” for his mother, then he will certainly begin to use it. Over time, he will turn into a real egoist.
And what happens to the one who was "cheated"? He gets used to the fact that in order to achieve his goals, he needs to be alert all the time, not to click his beak, to win toys, love and parental attention. Therefore, he tries to “grab” more and better, otherwise no one will take care of him. The beginnings of egoism appear here.
Turns out that only as a result of improper upbringing can children become selfish. How many mothers and fathers will have does not matter at all. The main thing is the approach to children and the correct prioritization.
Remember the only baby doesn't mean lonely. He has mom and dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, also family friends and neighbors. You can contact all of them - take care of elders, help parents at home, play with neighboring children, share toys with them.
If you have an animal in your house that needs constant care, then it’s difficult to think of a better way to turn your baby into a caring “altruist”. (read also: pet for the child: rules of choice and tips for caring) If this does not help, then the birth of a second child will not change anything.
For starters, try to raise and raise your firstborn as a human-loving, caring, and warm-hearted child. If you can cope with this task 100%, then you can think about the birth of a second child. Otherwise, after his birth, the situation in the family will only worsen. Raising two egoists will be even more difficult.
Reason number 2. One child is not enough for procreation. Humanity is on the verge of extinction ...
Let us no longer complain that humanity is in danger of catastrophic extinction. It is obvious that today the number of people living on our planet has exceeded the mark of 7 billion. What is this talking about? The possibility of overpopulation of the globe becomes real. Therefore, if you are so worried about the future of the whole generation, you should not have children at all.
Or do you belong to the number of people of a noble family and therefore consider yourself obligated to reproduce? And who told you that your family will bring something special to all the inhabitants of our planet? Let us leave such arguments, they are useless.
And I also want to ask a question to people who are worried about the future of all mankind - what have you already done for your kind, city, country, whole world? Maybe you are tirelessly fighting to preserve the pristine beauty of nature, or are you helping people to struggle with difficulties, keep the poor and save the destitute? Or maybe you built a big bridge in your city for the convenience of movement of all citizens? Made a great discovery, invented something worthwhile?
It turns out that you have already put your soul into humanity, the only thing left is to give birth to another person to preserve a kind? Are all things redone? Thus, one should not “worry” about the fate of the whole universe; take other available methods to make mankind happy if the reason for the birth of a second child is precisely this.
Reason number 3. It is necessary to give birth to a second, otherwise relatives and acquaintances will not understand
It often happens that we are waiting for the reaction of others to our behavior. We are used to the fact that our actions are subject to an assessment that we are so afraid to hear if we do not meet the expectations of the majority.
A case from the life of every girl. When a girl reaches the age of 18, they begin to pester her with questions: "When to get married?" As soon as she gets married, the next trick question “creeps up”: “When are you going to give birth?” Before she has time to recover from her first birth, the question is: "When is the next?". And so it goes on endlessly.
It turns out that we do not decide how we live. Is it decided by our neighbors, acquaintances, relatives? And we must put our whole life in order to correspond to their ideas, to chase after their “when”?
Of course not. Learning to evade inappropriate issues. Recall the old joke and draw conclusions.
One familiar granny kept telling me at weddings that I was “next”. I endured this pressure for a long time. Everything stopped at one “wonderful” moment, when at the funeral of our neighbor I turned to her and said her own catchphrase: "You are next."
So, you already have one child. If this is enough for you - get rid of unnecessary thoughts from the head that “everyone says it is necessary”. And who believes that one child is very small for a family, let him give birth to as many children as he wants. And no longer creeps into someone else's life.
Reason number 4. The first child will be much more fun if the second appears
This phrase can be taken as a mockery. How do you solve the problem of senior “boredom”? If you make of your first-born a “nanny”, who will be asked from time to time to bring a bottle, hold a pacifier or rattle a toy? We no longer take into account the fact that for some time you will at all "fall out" of the life of your oldest child - giving birth, recovering from them, caring for a newborn baby. All this does not contribute to his "fun", believe me.
Are you really worried that your baby should have someone to play with, and not justify his desire to have a second child with such reasoning? Then allow your first-born to bring friends to his home, give him a special place for games, think about how to organize his leisure. Remember that children are drawn to their peers, so do not expect excessively close relationships from siblings. Older children are not interested in playing with younger children. It is a fact. This happens only from hopelessness.
And most importantly. You can not "use" the second child to entertain the first. It sounds somehow humiliating, even if you only plan to give birth.
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Reason number 5. Left a bunch of things from the first child
With this approach, to be honest, it’s better not to give birth to the first one. A child, comrades, he is not a plush toy. He must be desired. Beloved ones. It should have resources in every sense.
And financial motivation to save three pennies on things is, excuse me, a mental crisis, and not an occasion to bring a new person into the world. If you value junk so dearly - put it on the mezzanine and let it be kept there for your joy.
Clothes should not control your life. If you do not understand why, I will not be able to explain. You can take it as a fact - people are primary, people are the goal, and things are just a means. Not the other way around.
We also read:Myths, horror stories and misconceptions about pregnancy and childbirth. Best selection: 63 myths
Should I have a 2nd child?
[sc: rsa]
From my own experience I know that if there is only an only child in a family, then he becomes either too spoiled or too lonely. Therefore, I prefer families to have at least two children. The pluses are that in doing so, the older child becomes more responsible, and the younger one looks at the older one and wants to become like him. In addition, the atmosphere in the house is also changing.
As a pregnant first child, I had already planned in advance that there would be two children in the family. And so it happened: the difference between my boys is three years. Many do not dare for a second child because of financial problems or fear of forever getting bogged down in household chores. But in vain ... She grows very fast and delight everyone with her skills
Right! The reasons are one more delusional than the other. I am particularly annoyed by the reasons about “they will not understand” and about the “egoist”. But in fact there are people who think so! In my opinion, there should be only one reason: the desire of the parents themselves.