One of the main problems in raising a child is where to get patience and how not to fall for screams and threats. It happens that you scold, spank, and then you begin to regret to tears about this impulse. Let's figure out why we lose our temper, and whether it is possible to raise children without screams and a belt.
Perhaps for many mothers this will be an unpleasant discovery, but the loss of self-control, accompanied by loud screaming and grabbing the belt, is a tricky way to relieve oneself of all responsibility for what is happening.
The first example. How to find out who broke the plate? Very simple: if you hear screams, it means a daughter, and if the kitchen is very quiet, that means mom!
It turns out that if mom dropped the dishes, then there is no one to be mad at. We won’t blame ourselves! But if the baby did the same thing, then we very quickly shift all responsibility to him: “Do you have holes in your hands ?!” Here you can vote!
What to do?
As soon as we get tired of being mothers and fathers, and we have a personal interest (I wanted to sit on the Internet), which the child infringes on with his behavior (smeared paint on the carpet), then the anger at the baby is manifested in all its glory and the fault for the act lies solely with him. Hence the anger and constant reprimands. The solution to this problem is the following - we take responsibility for any misconduct of a small child on ourselves:
- my son broke a cup - the fault lies with me, because she could put it on the top shelf;
- my daughter fell into a puddle and messed up my white trousers - I was guilty, because you could go into the street even in dark trousers;
- the kid was rude at a party - I poorly taught him good manners;
- the child eats little - perhaps I can’t understand what his favorite dishes are, and I can’t determine all his desires.
Try to take responsibility and immediately understand that you are no longer angry with your young bully. By the way, it’s worth calming down a bit, and it turns out an amazing thing: the child sincerely worries and repents. But in the heat of a quarrel, we often do not notice this.
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Second example. “Again you spilled juice on the carpet. Now you have to clean it for a long time, ”we report to the baby. We are not so sorry for this drink as anger takes because we need to wash and clean everything. And we begin to reprimand the three-year-old (!) Child that he is obliged to understand what he is doing.
What to do?
The fact that early childhood is a very short period that will fly by quickly helps to maintain composure. Your child until the age of 15 will not drop, spill, or pollute everything. Of course, with growing up there may be other reasons for losing patience. But now we discard our anger, arm ourselves with a rag and silently, without shouting, we go to clean. After 20 minutes, something broke again or crashed? We also calmly pick up the scoop and sweep the fragments.
READ ALSO: how to stop yelling at your child
The ability to endure and accept personal responsibility are perhaps the main qualities that each mother needs to develop in herself. They will certainly help you not only in relations with the offspring, but also with your spouse, other relatives, colleagues and friends. Be patient!
Tells Mom Lara: How not to yell at a child
Shouting at a child, of course, is not necessary - this is not the best educational method. In a state of stress, you won’t understand the information (“what I did wrong”), but after a while the psyche develops methods of protection and simply ignores op. But it is also wrong to take all the blame on yourself, the child must learn to be responsible for his actions from a very early age. Otherwise, the infantile “quasi-adults” grow up, whom mothers go to attach to work.
It is one thing when by chance something is dropped / spilled (this happens in adults as well), and another when it is specially. My son, for example, had a period when he liked to throw dishes (somewhere in 10-11 months, he already drank from a cup by this moment). Specially took and threw to the floor (with force). Even children's plastic cups did not always withstand such flights (they did not give breaking dishes at this time, of course). You can, of course, say that it’s your own fault that you don’t have to give a child at that age to drink it yourself, drink it for up to 10 years, until you realize it, but this is nonsense. These were his actions, his decisions. And yet, "he must understand what he is doing." And I explained that this is bad, you can throw a ball, but not a cup.
I still do not think that all the blame should be pulled over. Yes, you, as a mother, are to blame for your child’s behavior, but you don’t need to bother with the mischief of babies. It is necessary to relate easier))
In order not to fall for a child, I close my eyes, count to 10 and everything goes. If the first method does not help, then a couple of tablets of valerian save me (do not overdo it). But the second method is already in an emergency))
Thank you for the article!
The first article on this topic that really came. A child is just a child, and it is difficult to be angry and yell at yourself. Thank!