Some men after the birth of a child share with their spouse the responsibilities for care and upbringing, not counting this as a heavy burden. Others, on the contrary, try to move away from any troubles associated with the development of babies, being sure that this is a female matter. It seems to many mothers that their husbands are simply detached from family worries. How to avoid conflicts between spouses and involve dad in the process of raising children?
Most often, young family men are concerned about the material support of their wife and children. But sometimes they don’t have the time and energy to raise a child. So in many families, babies only meet with dad in the evenings or on weekends. Also, unfortunately, there are fathers who could very well walk or work out with the child, but consider the upbringing and development of children to be a purely female duty.
So, we will try to find the best way out of this confusing situation. And the sooner a young mother comes to understand the need for decisive steps to attract dad to raise a baby, the better for everyone.
- Give up your exclusive role
Psychologists note that in this situation, the women themselves are most often to blame. Many young mothers are so baked and worried about their beloved offspring that they do not trust anyone's education, even their spouse. Remember that your husband is no stupider than you and can handle, perhaps, any task except breastfeeding. Delegate part of your “authority”, and then the man will understand that he is not only a getter, but also a beloved husband and dad (How to establish life after the birth of a child?).
- Start by talking
Do not rely on the intuition of your man, because all offended looks and your omissions are perceived by him as unworthy whims. Absolutely honestly and frankly tell your spouse about how difficult it is for you to cope with all the household chores and the education of the crumbs. Explain how it would be good for everyone if he would spend half an hour or an hour a day on his baby.
- Share your baby’s success
Try to tell your spouse every night what progress the baby has achieved over the past day. The child was not capricious during the planned examination of the doctor? Please the husband with this news. The more information you provide dad, the more willingly he will join the process of education. Also ask him for advice on issues related not only to disciplinary actions (after all, dad is not a punitive body), but also developmental techniques.
- Give up criticism
Probably, dad is not eager to start raising his offspring because you point out mistakes and shortcomings every time? Suppose he put on a child green pants with a pink guipure blouse. But the baby is happy, she is not naked. Everything as you requested! Therefore, try not to notice the small mistakes of the young father and do not scold for spots on the baby bib.
- Do not stand "above the soul"
Did you give your husband an assignment? Leave him alone. Believe me, he does not need instructions on 10 sheets for changing a diaper or feeding a baby.Yes, maybe he will not succeed the first time, but he will receive valuable experience interacting with the child. And when a strong contact between the baby and the pope is established, then you will not have to remind him of his father's responsibilities.
- Spend time enjoying each other’s company
Take time to chat with each other. Some couples take evening walks together while their baby sleeps in a stroller or sling. Other spouses leave the child with relatives to be together. Such communication will help maintain marital relations and will overcome all grievances and misunderstandings.
- Find a joint lesson
At an early age, it can be an evening bath, massage or Sunday walk. With a preschooler, dad can go to the zoo, circus, play soccer or hockey. Do not stop your husband, even if you think that his chosen occupation does not fully correspond to the age of the child. Even if he planned to spend Sunday in his favorite garage, use this time to communicate. Moreover, the gender of the baby does not matter: even a daughter is happy to "help" her daddy.
- Appreciate his efforts
First of all, tell your spouse the word he wants to hear: “Thank you!” I washed a mountain of dishes, but did not have time to sweep the floor? Thank! Did you go skiing with your son? Very good, because the child is full of positive emotions and pride in joint achievements. Sincerely agree with the baby: “Yes, look, what a wonderful dad we have! How he loves us! How does he help us! ”
READ ALSO: How to attract a husband to care for a child
Sometimes it’s difficult for men to understand how hard work this is - raising a child. It happens that it’s embarrassing for mother to ask her spouse for help, especially if she had a successful career before decree and was used to relying only on herself. You need to remember firmly that you are not required to do everything and for everyone. Parenting is a common activity, which means that responsibilities must be shared between both parents.
How not to raise a sissy – https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/kak-ne-vospitat-mamenkinogo-syinochka.html
What is the role of the father in raising children
In our family, too, there were problems with my husband, on account of the fact that he also took part in raising a child. In the end, I did so. Periodically, when I needed to, I went to the hospital, to the shops, and left the child to my husband. He had nowhere to go, so slowly he was used to how to handle the child. At first it was an hour or two, but now I can even go overnight to my friend, and my husband and child.
Good time of day! It is very difficult to attract a man to raise a child.But it all depends on your relationship with him, if you do everything together, then you will bring up the children together, and if initially you did everything separately before the birth of the child, but the chances of attracting a husband are very minimal. This is my opinion.
You can start with a request to look after your son or daughter almost in your presence while you are cleaning, for example. Explain that the child was naughty and did not give the opportunity to clean. But just do not leave the evening cooking. Believe me, a man needs to be fed first.