“I will raise a real man from my boy. May everyone envy! ” - thinks a loving mother. However, most often these women grow up insecure, uninitiated, not seeking serious relationships and a career sissy. How to avoid turning an active butuza into a non-self-sufficient “undergrowth” that has never come off of my mother’s skirt?
At-risk groups
The word "mama" clearly hints to us who is to blame for this type of behavior in a child. It depends only on the mother how quickly her boy grows up. It is her actions, sometimes subconscious attitudes that form character traits in children, which become the basis for a youthful personality.
Mom and son are one person
Experts are sure that a sissy with equal success can grow both in a single mother and in a complete family. The main factor here is the so-called "uncircumcised psychological cord."
After childbirth, obstetricians immediately cut the thread that physically connected the mother and child throughout the pregnancy. Now they are two different people, albeit the closest, but still separate. But for the mother of the future undergrowth, this event did not seem to happen: the umbilical cord is intact.
The word "we," which the young mommy constantly says the first two years, haunts the child and further. The indomitable parent continues to protect her child from any difficulties: removes cars, puts on pants, wipes snot and brushes his teeth. With the same general scale, she decides where he will go for a walk, selects friends on the site, in the kindergarten and school. Where is father in this situation, you ask? And he is pushed back by irrepressible motherly love!
Excessive custody
Excessive care is often explained by an entrenched fear of losing your beloved child. This is possible if pregnancy has occurred after prolonged treatment for infertility; the gestation itself was difficult. Also, a difficult birth or serious health problems in a child immediately after birth or in the first months of life can become a trigger. A woman is used to being afraid for her boy, so the main goal in her life is to protect her offspring who have struggled so hard. Including, and from potential brides.
READ ALSO: The negative consequences of excessive custody and care for boys at different ages
What does the upbringing of a sissy lead to?
- If mother does everything for him, then the child does not strive for independence. He can learn through the sleeves, does not make friends and even friends, does not achieve significant results in any type of activity, because he often throws the business he has begun halfway. And when choosing a university or college, he relies entirely on his mother’s instinct.
- Such men often experience serious problems with the opposite sex.They cannot find a soul mate for a very long time, and if they get married, then such a marriage can hardly be called happy. Indeed, in the family there are not two, but three. The daughter-in-law constantly competes with the mother-in-law, and usually loses in this competition. Of course, after all, Mom’s both have more rich soup, and trousers have always been ironed, and things were in place. And she can foresee the wishes of her boy - remember the notorious psychological umbilical cord.
How to avoid a similar scenario?
Unfortunately, if a woman does not understand that she is completely dissolved in her own child, then neither the best psychologist, nor, moreover, the article on the site will help her. Even after reading these lines and recognizing herself as herself, she does not admit it: “Fie, what do they understand in raising children!” And he will continue to do good to his son, creating in reality only complexes, phobias and dissatisfaction. If mommy is ready to change, we offer several recommendations.
- Let the boy make mistakes
Experience cannot be replaced by parental notations. Own mistakes will serve as a wonderful and effective lesson for the little one. Undoubtedly, it is necessary to protect him from danger if he reaches with his hand to a hot coal. However, when he crookedly made the bed, ineptly washed the plate, praise the little assistant. And show how to do it right. So you not only increase his confidence, but also allow you to work on yourself.
- Take time for yourself
Such parents have no alternative interests - their whole life is devoted to their son. Yes, the baby requires a lot of attention, but you need to find a free minute for yourself. Read books (not only on children's development), start embroidering with a cross (for beauty), communicate with friends. And never forget about your husband, as he may leave because of your estrangement.
- Involve your child’s father
No woman can convey to the boy male patterns of behavior, habits and principles. No, we do not call to raise a bumpkin or a soldier, everything should be in moderation. Let dad spend more time with him: messing around, fixing the car, going to the rink. If the baby grows up in an incomplete family, other men should take on this role: grandfather, uncles, godfather, or, say, the coach of the sports section.
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- Do not criticize your husband with your son
It happens that women drive husbands under the heel and at the same time try to raise a son "a real man." You can not arrange a spill to your soulmate in the presence of a child. He must see in the head of the family an idol, a hero. If the “protector and getter" does not quite fall under this description, you need to find a way to gently push him to the ideal.
- Do not blackmail with your love
The grown up sissy sometimes begins to fight for freedom, but in response, mommy uses a forbidden trick: “Ungrateful! Do you know how many sleepless nights I spent in your crib? ” Such phrases cannot be used. Yes, no one argues that children will always be in unpaid debt to their mother. Yes, the children should respect, value their mother and help her. But not to the detriment of his own personal life! And such words can destroy any kind feelings.
Of course, every mother wants her son to be with her longer, needed her support and care. But there comes that wonderful moment when the child grows up, stuffs bruises and bumps, receiving in exchange invaluable experience. He cannot belong to you forever, so rejoice for him if he “spreads his wings”. And you will always have time to realize your unspent love on your grandchildren!
READ ALSO:
- How to raise the qualities of a real man in a boy
- Sneaky baby: why is this happening and what to do about it?
Video: How to raise a boy and stop suppressing the masculinity in him?
My husband is a typical sissy. They are constantly cursing, hugging. Mom buys him T-shirts, socks, panties. It only does what mom says. I won’t bring up my child in the same way