How to raise the qualities of a real man in a boy

In order for a real man to grow out of a little boy, you need to make a lot of effort. That the boy should grow up healthy and study well, in this case there will be no talk. It's obvious. The conversation will focus on the psychological side of education, as well as on pedagogical nuances and subtleties that help to form true masculine qualities in the kid.

Some modern nuances of raising boys

One of the most important conditions when raising a child (regardless of whether it is a boy or a girl) - the presence of an adult nearby. The kid seeks to imitate an adult and take an example from him. First of all, a man should be such an example for a boy. It is better if it is a father, but there may be an older brother, and a grandfather, and an uncle, and a teacher, and even a completely stranger.

However, the problem is that currently most often the child is surrounded not by men, but mainly by women. Kindergarten teachers are women. Most school teachers, too. Children's doctors are again women. In addition, many boys now grow up in single-parent families, and, in most cases, next to their mother, not their father.

But even if the family is complete, it is not a fact that the boy will be next to dad. Many fathers don't want to raise a son, considering that mother should be engaged in it. Other fathers, by virtue of their infantility, are incapable of fully educating their sons. Still others are busy at work to such an extent that they do not have enough time and energy for anything else. Therefore, willy-nilly, to raise a son and try to make him grow up as a real man, is his mother.

How are boys different from girls?

This question is not as simple as it might seem. Until recently, it was believed that in addition to primary sexual characteristics, there are no other differences between newborn girls and boys. However, recent studies have shown that this is far from the case. From birth, girls and boys differ in many physiological and psychological characteristics. Thanks to these signs, from the very beginning of life, boys and girls develop in different ways.

Blood testosterone in boys is much more than girls. But estrogen, on the contrary, is more in girls. Brains work differently for boys and girls. When a girl makes a decision or performs an action, in this case both hemispheres of the brain work for her.In a boy in exactly the same situation, only the right hemisphere is involved.

Therefore, the psychology and perception of the world in boys and girls are significantly different. Boys are much more likely to find themselves in adventurous situations. In addition, they often commit accidents and crimes. For the same reason, boys have three times more suicides and suicide attempts than girls.

And this is far from all the inherent psychological characteristics of boys. To properly raise a boy, you need to know:

• Due to the characteristics of the nervous system and hearing system, boys cannot sustain high sounds for a long time. Low tones are perceived by them much better. First of all, this should be taken into account by the mother and try not to raise her voice on her son. When the mother screams, the child thinks not about the meaning of the words spoken by the mother, but about how he should better protect himself from his mother’s high voice;
• Boys always care how their performance is evaluated. Moreover, the assessment should be as specific as possible, laid out "on the shelves";
• A boy, unlike a girl, is much more difficult to observe some stereotypes: rules of conduct, daily routine, putting himself in order;
• Physical work is much easier for boys than mental work.

All this must be taken into account when raising boys.

How to raise a boy: general rules

Over the entire time of its existence, mankind has invented many ways to educate boys. There are Slavic, Cossack, Spartan, German, Scandinavian methods - you can’t count all of them. Despite the difference in educational methods, all of these methods have one thing in common: to make a boy a real man. Let's talk about this in more detail (of course, adjusted for the time in which we live).

First, we touch on the general rules of education:

• It is very important when the baby has self-esteem. This forms independence in him. Of course, one must make sure that this feeling cannot develop into childish tyranny and tyranny over parents;
• Starting from a very early age, the boy should be made aware that any work that has been started must always be carried through to the end;
• The boy must play sports. Sport gives a lot: it develops physical endurance and dexterity, increases self-discipline and what is commonly called the “elbow feeling” (especially in team sports), teaches you how to survive defeats with dignity and not gloat over the defeated opponent;
• One of the main advantages of a real man is a sense of responsibility for the people who are close to him, as well as for the work that he performs. This feeling of the child must be taught from an early age. Otherwise, it will appear in return childish selfishnesswhich then grows into adult selfishness;
• Another feeling that you need to teach a child from a very young age is mercy. This is a very necessary feeling for the formation of a real masculine character: it includes love, compassion, the desire to help another person, and much more.

From general rules to specific rules

1) The son needs to be given as much freedom as possible. It should be understood: freedom is not permissiveness. Some reasonable restrictions should always be present. It’s bad when such restrictions grow into an almost total ban.

A phrase like “Do not run fast - break your knee”, “Do not climb - you fall”, “Do not touch - you will hurt yourself”, “Do not do it - we ourselves” and the like, the boy should hear as little as possible. The education of excessive diligence, accuracy, caution, prudence will almost certainly lead to a distortion of his masculine nature. He will grow uncertain, afraid of everything, he may develop nervous diseases, stutteringallergies, he can often get sick. Raised in the spirit of “no”, the boy is not able to stand up for the weak or for the girl, to repulse the offender.It will be difficult for him to overcome difficulties and strive to achieve any reasonable goals, i.e., he will grow up not as a real, but as an infantile man.

2) The boy should have a positive example, which he would imitate. Starting from the age of three, the boy, by virtue of his nature, moves away from his mother and tries to get closer to those men who surround him. When a child is six years old, communication with men becomes a necessity for him. At this age he seeks to imitate men, tries to repeat their words, imitates their behavior, etc. The father is the best example to follow. Therefore, dad should spend as much time with his son as possible.

But modern realities are such that often the father and the baby are not there and cannot be because the child is growing up in an incomplete family. In this case, the mother needs to try so that her son can at least occasionally communicate with some other man: grandfather, uncle, some other relative. Or, as an option, give the little son to a circle or sports section, where the coach is a man. For obvious reasons, trying to introduce a child to a “strange uncle” is highly undesirable.

Alternatively, you can replace a real man with a fictional one. For this, child psychologists advise finding a book or movie character with true masculine qualities. And even better, a grandfather or another relative courageously fighting at the front or heroically working. By hanging his portrait on the wall, mother needs to talk about this character or grandfather as often as possible, discuss his actions with his son, unobtrusively comparing these actions with the actions of his son. Voluntarily or involuntarily, the boy will compare himself and his actions with the actions of a book character or a heroic grandfather, which will help him to form his true masculine qualities.

3) To educate a real man, a favorable family atmosphere is needed. Every child needs mutual understanding, love, respect, harmony in the family. The imaginary or true severity of the father in relation to the son should be within reason. A father, like a mother, should be gentle to his son. By doing this, he will not spoil the child, but, on the contrary, will help him grow up loving, sensitive, not complex, capable of showing sympathy.

4) The boy should not be afraid to express what he feels. An open expression of feelings is very important for the formation of character. If the boy wanted to cry - let him cry, and do not blame him for being "not like a man." On the contrary, we must understand: in this way the child makes it clear that he is not well. Empathy, Consolation, and Joint Attempts sort out the reasons for crying - This is much better than ridicule and reproach.

The same thing applies to the joy of the child. It is unreasonable to dismiss children's laughter, or not to pay attention to it at all. On the contrary, it is necessary to share joy with the son, realizing that, most likely, he is proud of his first male successes and victories. Joint joy on this occasion instills confidence in the boy, which is important for the formation of a real masculine character.

5) Do not be afraid to openly admit your mistakes. The ability to say to oneself “I'm wrong” and apologize for being wrong is another important trait of a masculine character. Mom and Dad should not be afraid that an open and sincere admission of their wrongness before their son will harm him and drop their parental authority in his sons eyes. On the contrary, it will help him in many ways: seeing that his parents are sincere and ready to ask for forgiveness, his son, taking an example from them, will also grow up capable of realizing his mistakes and asking forgiveness for them.

6) The boy must learn empathy. Helping parents or friends, giving the old woman a seat on the bus, feeding birds or a homeless kitten are all primary signs of empathy and compassion. The role of parents in this case is extremely important.It is necessary to explain to the baby that there is nothing special in this and he should always do this, because these are the actions of a real man.

7) Education in a boy of courage and courage. The baby should learn these character traits from early childhood. To protect the weak, not to be afraid of the strong, not to be afraid of the dark, to bear the pain courageously - all these are manifestations of boy’s courage, from which real man’s courage and courage will subsequently be formed. You should not make tragedies from the fact that sometimes your son returns home with a broken nose: a fight for a boy is a very important element of self-education, it is it that forms stamina and courage in him. The responsibility of the parents (especially the father) is to find out the reasons for the fight, and if the son fought for a just cause, praise him, explaining that it is better to try to do without a fight next time.

8) The boy should be instilled with a sense of beauty. This feeling is absolutely necessary for a real man, otherwise he can grow into a “one-sided” creature with strong muscles, but a flawed soul. We must strive to ensure that from early childhood a boy can distinguish between beautiful and ugly - both around himself and in his own soul. Having learned such differences, he will then grow up to be a man capable of appreciating the beauty of nature, paintings, women, music, etc.

We also read: Inoculation with good taste: how to develop a sense of beauty in a child from birth

9) It is necessary to teach the child how to use equipment. Given that in modern life, technology plays a very important role, a real man should understand it. It is clear that you should not require any particularly deep knowledge in a computer, washing machine or car from a child, but basic knowledge in this area is necessary. Here, again, the example of the pope is very important, which should, as often as possible, together with his son, repair failed household appliances and equipment, simultaneously explaining what is arranged in them and how.

10) The child should receive the correct sex education. This is also a very important condition for the formation of the future man. First of all, the boy needs teach proper hygiene: Of course, it would be better if the father begins to teach this child. The next parental task is to explain to the son that he is a man, and the girls are the opposite sex.

Moreover, general explanations are not enough here. It is extremely important to teach the boy to behave correctly with representatives of the opposite sex - girls. From 10-12 years old, boys need to know general information about what sex and procreation. In addition, they should talk about the changes in the intimate plan that will happen to them and explain that this is a natural process and the stage of growing up of every man.

It is clear that these are far from all the requirements for raising boys. Someone can add their own requirements and rules, which should also help ensure that a full-fledged man grows out of the boy.

Features of raising a boy from birth to adolescence

1. From birth to 3 years. Before the child is three years old, his gender does not matter much. Both the boy and the girl are brought up almost identically. During this period, the baby is more with mom than with dad. The mother of the child feeds, cares for him, ensures his comfort and safety. The first words and the first steps, the boy and girl pronounce and do the same.
2. From 3 to 4 years. From the age of three, children are able to distinguish between dad and mom, uncle from aunt - that is, they can distinguish everyone who surrounds them by gender. Here, parents already need to pay specific attention to their son - that is, to cultivate in him such masculine qualities as strength, endurance, dexterity, courage. So far, the boy can play both “boyish” and “girlish” toys. You should not be afraid of this: this will in no way affect the formation of his masculine character.
3. From 5 to 7 years. This age period is not much different from the previous one. Still the main thing for the baby (regardless of whether he is a boy or a girl) is parental care, tenderness and affection. Although from time to time a boy needs to be reminded that he is a boy, not a girl. With this reminder, the boy begins to become aware of himself as a male, and by the age of seven he usually moves away emotionally from his mother and becomes closer to his father.
4. From 8 to 10 years. Usually at this age, the boy finally forms the belief that he is a male. Parents have a special role to play here. They should try to keep their previous trusting relationship between them and their son, which is very useful when the son becomes a teenager. Closer to 10 years, the boy can be aggressive, rude to parents and act contrary to them. This should not be feared: in this way the son shows the instinctive signs of a man - upholding his own opinion and his territory.
5. Adolescence. Raising a teenage son is a deliberate inculcation of many basic masculine qualities for him: responsibility for his words and actions, honesty, courage, etc. The role of parents is still of no small importance, but at the same time, the teenage son is already striving to break out of under parental care, spending a long time with peers and friends. It is in adolescence that the boy usually manifests those qualities that were laid down in him earlier. Therefore, it is so important to educate a real man in a boy from a very young age.

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Common mistakes in raising a boy

Of course, in such a complex matter as the upbringing in a boy of the qualities of a real man, one cannot do without mistakes. There is no need to be afraid of this: mistakes must be known so that they are not repeated in the future. Here is a list of the most common parental errors:

• Manifestation of excessive severity: parents believe that in this way they can raise masculinity in their son. Such a pedagogical approach can lead to the fact that the child closes, becomes aggressive or begins to lie. In addition, he may develop disorders of the nervous system (tics, cramps, stuttering, seizures);
• Fitting a child to a fictional "ideal" without taking into account his individual characteristics;
• Indulging the whims and egoistic inclinations of the baby, as a result of which not true masculine qualities can be formed in him, but egoism and infantility;
• Inconsistency, or, in other words, reproaches and praise for the commission of the same act. By doing so, parents help their son to stop distinguishing what is good and what is bad, what is right and what is wrong;
• Frequent parental quarrels in the presence of a son;
• Inconsistent parental behavior, expressed in the fact that one of them forbids everything to the child, and the other, on the contrary, allows too much;
• Frequent criticism of the son and his comparison with other children is not in favor of the child;
• Imposing negative attitudes such as “You won’t make anything,” “You don’t know how,” “No girl will be friends with you,” etc. As a result, a child can believe this and stop developing intellectually, physically and spiritually;
• Ignoring the role of physical education and an excessive emphasis on science. The most correct approach in this case is a reasonable alternation of both. Strength and endurance are far from the latest qualities of a male personality.

We also read: 7 bad tips on raising a boy

Of course, after adolescence, life does not end. The boy becomes a youth. However, raising a boy and raising a young man are in many ways two different topics.

We also read:

• Raising a son. Father's allowance
• TOP 10 instructions that a father should pass to his son
• How not to raise a sissy

Advice from Pavel Rakov: How to raise a real man from a boy