Many parents complain about the overly aggressive behavior of their child, but there are those who are worried that their baby is too peaceful and passive. How to teach a child to fend for himself, in what ways, when and how to behave to parents in the event of a conflict in which a child has fallen, we will deal with these and other issues below.
Unrest like “he grows weak” and “will hurt him all his life” are not groundless, because every person in society must be able to defend his “I”. Of course, no one says that calm and non-conflict people can achieve less in life than active and aggressive people. You just need to make it clear to the child when and in what situations self-defense is necessary, and in what form it should be displayed.
Before teaching your child self-confidence, understand how necessary it is. Psychological practice shows that those parents who themselves could not resist aggressors and offenders themselves in childhood are often dissatisfied with the softness and weakness of the child. Understand the situation: is there any point in convincing the child of the grievances and physical protection, if he just handed out all the toys in the sandbox and picks himself with one shovel, or if they push him endlessly during the active game. Perhaps your child just wants to share, or active games are not suitable for him.
If you decide that your child urgently needs help and needs to develop confidence, follow a few rules.
1. Understand the atmosphere in the family.
Pay attention to the fact that you are not punishing your child too often and baselessly. If you endlessly shower a child with reproaches for his indecision and weakness, he can shut himself in himself even more if he does not hear your censure. The child may be afraid of the parents' condemnation and not talk about being offended.
You do not need to constantly compare the baby with others, showing that he is somehow worse. This will only spoil the child’s self-esteem and will definitely not solve the problem.
Talk more with your child, learn trust and openness together.
If in your family, on the contrary, the baby is too patronized, guarded from everything around, then this can lead to the development of timidity and conflict-freeness. In vain, the child will not know how to solve conflict situations, and the aggressive attitude of other children will not scare him, but surprise him.
Love and kindness in the family is wonderful, but you should not limit the child’s communication due to possible aggressive tricks of other children. Your child should know what to expect, being in the company of peers.
2. Learn to admit your own mistakes.
What does a child most often do if he has done something, even if by accident? Of course, to run away, or to say that it was not his fault. Teach your child to recognize his actions, understand behavioral errors, and be held accountable for them. Explain that if no one was hurt, then everything is fixable.If the baby did something on purpose, then let him know about the fallacy of the act and its possible consequences.
When your child learns to accept his mistakes, he will become much more confident in himself, and in the future will be able to figure out in conflict situations. Explain that it is not worth focusing on such trifles, and that there are much more serious grievances in life.
3. To teach not to show reactions to verbal attempts to humiliate.
No one is safe from name-calling and far-fetched nicknames. In kindergarten and at school they can distort the name, try to humiliate and insult nicknames and teasers. Climbing the offender with his fists is not an option. Explain to the child that the best thing to do in this situation is to ignore the offenders. As soon as bullies see that they are not responding to their aggression, they will stop bothering the child.
Of course, this tactic is suitable for petty insults, and not for serious public humiliation.
4. To teach not to show fear.
Upon returning from school, older children threaten or take money - the situation is not new. Tell your child that no one has the right, whoever he is, to force him to do anything against his will, to threaten or even beat. Of course, the conflict is best resolved peacefully. You need to get together and not show your fear, conduct a conversation clearly and confidently. If this does not help, then teach the child to defend himself physically from attacks, show not too dangerous tricks.
If your child has decided to defend another, let him be sure of his rightness and also does not show fear. Decision is easier to show when the fate of another person depends on it. Tell the child that protecting the weak is a just thing.
5. Find out the true provocateur in person.
Observe how real it is. Find out if your child is himself a provocateur of aggression. Perhaps it was he who lifts up other children, and they react with cruelty. If so, make it clear to the child that it is his actions that cause the negative reaction of others.
6. To teach firmly to refuse.
Manifestations of kindness and sympathy are good. It is necessary to make clear to the child when they begin to use his kindness, and when friendship and partnership develop into manipulation. To give your lunch, to the detriment of yourself, to make control for another, to constantly carry a briefcase - such situations arise when a child is afraid that they will stop talking to him, or will be called a greedy, expelled from the environment, etc. Explain to your child what true friendship is based on and what is really important to cherish. If a child is blackmailed, forced to give money, teach him to firmly refuse, defending his interests.
7. Letting yourself solve the problem.
If you do not have a conflict with the participation of your child immediately run to school or kindergarten, let the child solve the problem himself. After all, the usefulness of your intervention is a moot point. Offenders will be punished, but your child may begin to be considered weakling and sneak. Naturally, if we are talking about beatings, thefts and other serious situations, then your intervention is necessary.
8. Help make friends.
If a child constantly finds himself in conflict situations, perhaps he is simply communicating with the wrong company. You should not limit it in communication with old friends, so as not to provoke an internal protest, you just need to introduce him to other children. Go visit together, sign up for a circle or section. There, a child can meet new friends and learn friendship in comparison. Calm children do not always become the object of aggression of others, even in the children's team they respect confident and self-sufficient children. It is important to get into a good team.
9. Teach to accept help.
Make sure that your child is not ashamed of his failures, develop confidence in him, let him feel your support. Then he is not afraid and does not hesitate to ask for help from you and his friends. Accepting help does not seem weak. On the contrary, a person who internally feels support is able to stand up for himself and not be afraid of difficulties.
10. Go in for sports.
It is not necessary to lead the child to a fight or boxing with the hope that he will give back to everyone in case of danger. Although these sports are also good in their own way. Let the child engage in the kind that he likes. Any sporting loads will strengthen both the body and spirit, develop patience, which means they will add confidence.
As parents, remember that the most important thing is to prove to your child that protecting your interests is not always related to violence. To prove to another that you are right, you do not need to constantly get into a fight. Who else but you, with your patience, care and understanding, can develop a child’s self-confidence and self-confidence.
Psychologist's advice. How to help a child stand up for himself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFNv0cNsddY
